Naija Week 51 - End of 2007!‏

Hello All,

Whilst this post is for last week, I can’t help but think wow, it’s the 31^st of December 2007! Thank God for his enduring mercies!

Happy New Beginnings in advance for Y2008!

Just a quick Blog here for the events of the last week! In Las Giddy, events occur in and out of season, so you see, being in the festive season has not changed anything!

Enjoy!

1. I saw a Somerfield truck here in Las Giddy – logo, UK plate number et al. Na only Oyinbo man remain for me to see to drive am! I began to wonder whether they were trying out their marketing capabilities here since they are not making as much money any more in jand! Ok, I’m sure there’s a logical explanation somewhere!

2. Apparently, the famous Tejuosho market got burnt upper week with several losses of lives. And with the lack of fire brigade service and bumper to bumper shops, I can’t begin to imagine the damages in terms of lives and goods! So Sad!

3. In the light of the festive season, there have been adverts in TV about ‘Naira Abuse’ – party spraying. If caught, it will attract a penalty of N50k and / or 6months imprisonment. For real! So be warned, all you pound and dollar wielding blokes and dames! But then is pound and dollar spraying allowed or disallowed? Na only naira they mention o! I’m sure the arresting officers may be swayed when they see the flow of foreign ego!

4. Naija Tip – always cut open your tomatoes and peppers before blending, as you just never know what may be lurking inside! A’ hard fresh’ looking tomato / pepper is no guarantee that the inside is as clean as the outside! Take it from me – talking out of experience! You might just get much more than you bargained for!

5. You know I mentioned how bad traffic had been this last few weeks but its amazing how the major cause of it has received prompt attention. My interpretation to this is that, because it had really affected the bourgeoisies of the locality, the gas pipes have been quickly buried in the ground. Meanwhile, other areas with open earth for almost a year now along the same stretch of road are yet to have the pipes buried but hey, these areas lack the elite! So who cares?

6. Picture this: rice and cooking oil distribution was very rife in Las Giddy. Apparently, festive gifts for most employees / employers! We got 25kg (even reduced this year because it used to be 50kg pp) of rice and some litres of oil! As I wondered what on earth I was going to do with that much rice, others lamented on the reduction in size. Still I was impressed most places gave their staff something! If na jand now, Inland Revenue go comot tax from the rice and oil; you know, taxable benefit crap! Hmmmmmmmmmmm!

7. Picture this: Day 260! Went to lunch with a colleague and saw a plate with 6 rolls of ‘Iyan’ and a plate full of stew and meat belonging to one Naija man and Oyinbo woman! I tried to work out the ratio of what each person will consume and I just couldn’t! Reason being, I couldn’t figure for the life of me where the Oyinbo woman go chop put the Iyan even if say na only 2 of it she chop. She was a ‘skelebongo’! Perhaps that was why much rolls of ‘solid looking Iyans’ were needed. Na waya O!

8. And lastly, I spotted a tied up ‘maalu’ in a pick up van fighting for freedom whilst in traffic. Men, I changed lanes quickly. Even the attendant to the cow was one leg in and one leg out of the van at a stage as even he couldn’t predict what next to expect from the fighting cow. Heya!

And that’s it as we round off 2007!

Have a blessed one and whatever you do ensure you enter the New Year with style filled with expectations for the months to come.

Always & Always,

Moi

Naija Week 50 - African Fog‏!

Howdy Everyone,

Christmas is certainly here! Here’s me wishing you all a wonderful, fabulous and blessed Christmas from Lagos Diary.

As for me sha, certainly no plans! I intend on at least ensuring enough munchies (been told my fridge looks like a bachelors fridge, so I want to rectify that reputation!) at home and treating myself to episodes of ‘Desperate Housewives’ all through! Whaddaya think?

For Week 50, here’s my little read! Enjoy!

1. For the first time, I must say, LASTMA (Lagos State Traffic Management Authority) is doing a fantastic job. I just can’t begin to imagine what traffic will be like without them in Las Giddy. They are out there come rain / sunshine / dusty environment. Bless them!

2. Day 256 – As I passed through traffic on the highway, there was a disabled guy lying flat on his belly begging for arms. For the life of me, I don’t know how people where able to get past without causing further destruction to him!

3. African fog don land o! We dey call am ‘Harmattan’! I looked out of the window this morning and boy, it was dead foggy. Na im I begin wonder whether I get fog light for car or not. Even if I do, I no sabi where de thing be! It took me years to figure it out in my old car in jand, so not sure how long it will take for me to source it this time around!

The weather is however dead HOT at the peak of the day!

4. Picture this: Day 257 – saw a ferociously burning luxurious bus! It was terrible. I froze as I saw it. I think it’s the worst I’ve witnessed since I’ve been here. And cars where desperately trying to drive past it because it occurred where the only way out of that route was to go past the burning bus. Fire brigade was no where in sight and I’m told anyway that such doesn’t exist and that it’s just a joke here. Fire Vehicles with no means of quenching flames! God help us! Yet, our leaders are well travelled and know how these things work in developed countries! Such a shame! I’m not sure if lives where lost or not, but I won’t be surprised if people had been roasted in those flames!

5. Saw a newly released Nollywood movie entitled ‘Bird Flu’! Na wa o! I tell you, the movie titles they come out with are ridiculous. So, if na Bird Flu today, tomorrow, it may me chicken pox, measles, foot and mouth, shegede et al. Hmm, no comment!

And that’s it for this week.

Have a great weekend ahead as the lastminute.com rushes take place around town for that special couple of days that will be over by this time next week. Shuush, did I just say that? Oh sorry!

Enjoy it sha!

Always & Always,

Moi (RLC)

Naija Week 49 - This One Na Xmas Edition!‏

Howdy Y’all!

It’s been ages o! My last posting was a few good weeks back – skipped Week 44 – no gist to tell in jand; missed Weeks 45 - 48. I was system-less for the bulk of the time hence why I couldn’t write anything. Abeg no vex my people – a thousand apologies! Just as well that I’d been wishing you merry Xmas since last month, because suddenly Xmas is round the corner and this year has certainly gone!

To think I’ve lasted and stayed this long in Las Giddy – 11months is worth a celebration. Did I hear you gasp? Yes o, 11 months in this crazy city!

To my avid readers and writers – thanks for everything and for the encouragements over the months!

So much has happened since but some of the events of the last few weeks are now stale, so I will skip the stale bit.

Here goes!

1. This first one is stale but valid! My conclusion from my recent jand trip is that the brits are as cold as their weather! I had such an unpleasant time; it was countdown to home time every day. So you think, customer service is still non-existent in Naija; believe me, it is equally the same in most places in jand. Did an intercity rail travel and stood for the duration of the entire journey as there was not a single seat going spare – and you think it’s only on molues you stand or that tickets are oversold!

Got insulted by the hotel manager and the cab services we used were nothing to write home about. Cabs turned up when un-required and didn’t turn up when required; early or overly late! This was particularly so bad that on the day of our departure, I ordered 10 cabs to accommodate the number of travellers and after sending us the first two, the office refused to send any more and this was a race against time as we had a coach to catch.

As if that wasn’t enough, the coach turned up about 40minutes late with no apologies. Ok. Then, it was a struggle to fit in everyone’s luggage into the luggage compartment of the coach! You know your people now, agaga the first timers – they bought the whole of jand!

Without even starting the journey, it was already stressful! The airport wahala was another one. I had only 3kg of excess to dissipate; had to sort out payment for ticket date change and then there was the small issue of an 18kg hand-luggage! I had to bin the 3kg of excess – fine but my hand luggage stuff where mainly books & my laptop. At the security scanning point, I needed to expose my laptop, only to discover I couldn’t find the key to the case. After much search, the security man said he will pass it through but if anything looked out of place, then they will yank it open. It passed – thank God; then I couldn’t find the rest of my stuff that had gone through the check point. Apparently, because I had spent so much time there, the officers thought someone had forgotten them and so taken my stuff away. That was eventually redeemed. Then we had to take off our shoes as final security checking! They sure have taken away the joy of travelling!

After all said and done, at the point of final boarding, a lady just asked to check my hand luggage and as she carried it, she told me I would have to check it in. I was asked to take out anything I needed on the plane so that they could tag it. They tagged it alright and I was shown where to drop it. It was by the plane door and seeing no one was there as I worked past, I just took in my tagged hand-luggage onto the plane! Whala!

As I was about to finally relax, I discovered my passports were missing! And there went panic! How would I explain to the officials in Las Giddy how I got on with no PP to tender. So I began to search and search. Finally found in one of the bags placed into the planes hand luggage compartment. By this time, I was trembling and had to take some cups of water to calm my nerves!

What a trip!

2. Guess what insect I saw recently? Skirt and Blouse! Does anyone remember those two-tone insects that were supposedly responsible for inflicting some swelling on ladies faces?

3. I’ve been thinking about Indomie noodles and how its only this brand that had dominated the market for about 20 years now. Suddenly, there seems to have been a market outburst this year with several variants now out – Nunu, Mimee, O!, etc. Was the market monopolised?

4. My laptop repair that would have cost me at least £100 or more only cost me the equivalent of £36 in Las Giddy! No place like home!

5. Picture this: Was about to make some egg delicacy. I broke the first two eggs without any fuss and then the third was a rotten one! On my, my! Was the smile sickening or what! I couldn’t eat anything eggs for the next few days and had to bin the remaining eggs from that batch! No be by printed expiry date you go take no if egg don spoil or not o!

6. Here’s my little take on people from the 3 main areas of the country! If you see a mad man, he’s likely from the western part! If you see a hawker man, he is likely to be from the eastern part! If you see a beggar, he is likely to be from the northern part! What’s your take?

7. Electricity supply has gone from bad to worse, worse to worst, and worst to worstest! It’s also come to our knowledge now that the electrical wiring for our entire house is shady and shoddy! God help!

One minute (when we do occasionally have light), we have extremely high voltage and the next minute, its below sea-level! It is difficult and dangerous to leave anything plugged into the socket!

8. I tumbled upon a supermarket that stocked the only brand of rice I recognise in this whole world – Tilda! A 10kg bag was priced at N8,500! My jaw dropped and my heart sank when I saw the price knowing fully well that it only cost about N2,750 in jand ! We dey suffer here! I tell you the things that are expensive are heavily expensive!

9. Picture this: my first police ‘egunje’ encounter! A couple of weeks back, I was driving home and was stopped at the police check point. As I was mouthing to the officer wondering why I had been stopped, he came round and said to me that he’s certain I’m wondering why he had stopped me. He proceeded to say that there was no reason for being stopped but that he was thirsty and will appreciate if I could give him something to cool his thirst. I told him I had water in the trunk but that it would be very hot by now. So, he requested that I give him some ‘ego’ instead to buy chilled water from the hawkers. I reached into my bag and gave him some money! Na wa o! Just makes you wonder what state our service men are in!

10. Then, I witnessed another open ‘egunje’ request a few days later. This time around in an eatery! My guests had been well spotted to be freshers and this guy just came around and kept hailing them blah, blah. He was eventually given something!

11. Picture this: A hooligan encounter! I was on my way home one evening stuck in traffic. Then this policeman on a bike with a danfo full of God-knows-what kind of people began to harass people to pave way for them. Pave way when there was already no way. I just remained in my lane unperturbed. I felt they should be the ones to move since they were the ones in a ‘hurry’! Then they started shouting at me to move for them. I became livid when they began to urge me to move and beat my car and hit my windscreen. I refused. They cursed but I remain unperturbed! Then one of them jumped on my car and I just continued to move on – as in if you want to die, that’s fine by me! He quickly jumped off my bonnet when he saw that I was equally spitting fire! The ‘fight and face’ I put on particularly shocked them. Such drivers and occupants intimidate women and women usually succumb to such madness! Eventually, they paved way for themselves without me moving off for them! What nuisances!

Las Giddy isn’t for the faint-hearted. Be ready to be hardened and aggressive to survive here; except of course you won’t be plying the roads!

12. Picture this: Na so I won comot for house one morning and I com see Hummer for our compound! I com wonder if to say one celebrity don join us now! Na so me and my other neighbour com dey wonder for a few days until we realised we might have neighbours from hell! Suddenly having a hummer around was no biggie as the novelty quickly wore out. I quickly classified the thing as lousy, ghostly and noisy. In fact, the thing looks as monstrous as its name! My God, you should hear the sound when they are moving it! Before we knew it, car park became a luxury as it took the whole space and being very naija, they just parked it anywhere, anyhow not caring for the owners of the space they were using! I com dey wonder wetin person who fit get hummer dey do for rented apartment – abi na just for shakara or otherwise?

13. Then, there’s been an increase in traffic lawlessness in Las Giddy. Traffic has gone manic! There is no such thing as off-peak driving anymore as there is traffic at anytime of the day you decide to travel. Some dumb-brains decided to dig up the roads endlessly to bury gas pipes or so. But this has just worsened motorist woes.

14. And should you think that the traffic is enough reason to prevent you from getting to your salon for a good ol’ fashioned manicure and pedicure, then ‘malam’ fit do am for you for road side. Na true I talk o! You can guess their clientele!

15. My nephew turned one last weekend and amongst those celebrating with us was RMD and his family. My people, when I tell you me sef don become celebrity, believe me o. Na so, he siddon with him wife whilst dem pikin go play. As my mama, com call me to introduce me, I just quickly reverse gear to ‘foney’! Ok, ok!

He’s nice natured and they gelled with everyone around; even stayed for quite a while!

16. Picture this: So last Monday, I got up and left for work earlier than normal. Was happy I got in ok and then I realised that I had left my house key in the key hole of my entrance door! ‘Twasn’t funny! A few thoughts just flashed through my mind! Neighbours from hell; a ‘meguard’ et al. So I called up one of my other neighbours who had some family members at home. Eventually, I was able to get one of them to help me go remove the key from the door before sending someone round later to retrieve it from them! Phew! Imagine if there was no one to rely on to get it for me! I definitely would have had to go back home but the traffic was terrible and that would have meant the key being out there for that long. In fact, I just don’t want to imagine what may have happened. Thank God!

17. Here is a common phrase / curse you will hear people hurl at one another now especially in the face of mad, manic traffic: ‘God punish your papa’! Hmm, no further comment!

18. Hurray, got a letter from the estate the other day that the ‘Lagos State Waste Management’ collection service is scheduled to begin refuse collection from the estate. Na im I com dey wonder wetin the entire estate has been doing for refuse collection since its existence! I hate to imagine this one too!

19. New Honda Accord don land o! Trust us Naijas to knack it in time for Christmas!

20. Frost-free freezer concept no dey work for Naija o. Na de freezer wey dey block well well go do justice. Oyinbo man think se, dey don do us favour – mba, dis one no be favour. With NEPA in action, your freezer content are thawed within hours, but at least this old fashioned freezer, it will take a while for the block to melt; the only thing is that you will get a wet floor!

21. It doesn’t feel Christmassy at all. Or maybe na jand syndrome dey worry me still. As you know, na Christmas period depression dey worry people pass for jand.

22. We’ve got 2 days Muslim holidays this week forthcoming week and then Christmas next week. If I was to count the number of public + ad hoc holidays we’ve had this year, I’m certain it will be almost 20 days or so. I’m not complaining sha! Its all good!

23. And finally, for those of you coming down for holidays, na money kill am o! Make sure you come with loads, this way you can buy your comfort in Las Giddy!

And that is it!

Have a splendid holiday season and stay safe!

Always & Always,

Moi (Still here, Keeping It Real!)

Naija Week 42 - Na Anaconda! / Week 43 - Another Jand Edition!‏

Hello Everyone,

Hope you've had a good weekend (a good couple of weekends)! The last couple of weeks have been so crazy for me!

Many thanks for the email reminders to post and for all your ever supportive comments and emails alike.

Yes, I know I have not posted for the last two weeks - 'omi lo por ju oka lo'! Many apologies! You will get a lil' picture of why by the time I'm done sha! So please forgive me o! What I’ve done is to combine both weeks 42 and 43 in this episode!

Thanks for your readership as always!

Enjoy!

1. Believe this or not, an Anaconda was caught crossing in front of Sheraton Hotel in Ikeja. Well, I think it was an Anaconda sha! A friend happened to have been in the area when it was caught and took a picture of it, which I have on my mobile phone – na true o, honest! I wonder wetin the people wey catch am go do with the thing! Your guess is as good as mine! Me I no go chop for any restaurant around dat area for dat weekend o or the next few ones!

2. Hey me too don become socialite for las giddy, my mum’s baffday was placed in one of the social magazines and your very own ‘Moi’ was there o.

Na so I was pictured in another one a few months back when I attended a fashion show. The truth was that I didn’t get to know about it until very late and haven’t seen the magazine till now. The thing be say, na so one ol’ friend go see me for magazine – person wey no know whether I don comot for jand or not. Na so secret service go go see person for magazine if dem dey look for person. I tell u all dis ‘Peter Obe’ people, dey just take your picture and publish wherever and whenever dey want! At least dey for tell me say dey wan publish my foto, make I take make money as ehm celebrity!

3. Saw a website online called: www.tokunbo.com.ng

4. Day 213: On my way home just before hitting the famous bridge, I saw a hawker kneel down by the bridge and pray over his wares as he was about to start his hawking for the evening. I was so touched by the sight! I just wondered what the content of his prayer was for the next 10minutes or so as I journeyed home!

5. Day 215: Went for a night out with some friends. As I sat down sipping my drink, I began to feel uneasy and began to discreetly scratch a ‘part’ of my body. I kept fidgeting and scratching as I was opportune without wanting to make anything obvious to the people that sat around me. On investigation when I got home, it turned out that some sort of ant(s) / ‘tambolo’ had had a feast – my side bum had been bumped in several places! It was so not funny!

6. Was listening to the radio one evening on my way home and they were doing a theme on Bonny M! The program sure brought back some memories about some of their songs! Do you remember – ‘Brown Girl In The Ring’; ‘January, February, March, …..’ Na wa o! The songs just made me feel old!

7. NEPA, habi na PHCN was at its ‘best’ at MMA on my way to jand! You would not believe it, na so NEPA take light twice within 5/10minutes at a whole International Airport! The whole place was plunged into darkness with no emergency lights coming up – at least I didn’t see any! I was freaking out! I now began to imagine what the planes in the air would be going through as I’m assuming they may have lost communication with the airport control tower; or even a plane approaching the runway to land; as well as a host of other thoughts that flushed through my mind and a million and one other people that where there at that time! This can only happen in Naija!

8. As I don mention, this write up include another jand edition o. I come jand for training and na so my laptop go drop for ground. The power adapter socket com break. I take am go repair shop and the man tell me say e go cost #100 pounds to repair! Ha, the thing pain me o. Na him, I com quickly do direct conversion to Naira. Haba, the thing no go cost me dat much in las giddy now. So, dats why (well part reason) I’ve been incommunicado – had to borrow someone’s laptop to do this post. Hmmm, the things a writer will do for her readers!

9. So, I com dey listen to news over this weekend. Na so, dey com mention a former cellmate of Jonathan Aitken. The man dey make comment say JA was the best man to do work on prison reforms now wey im don comot from prison. This im cell mate name na Michael Aguda. This man, na Oyinbo – Oyinbo man wey im name be Aguda! Na so I com think to myself say man wey im name be Michael Aguda, no wonder im go rob bank to becom ‘Jaguda’!

10. Na wa o for this global warming – na soso cold, jand be o. My skin has been suffering real bad – been cracking up. In fact, it just dey white sha and na scratch I don dey scratch as if person get craw-craw! Then the food at the training venue took a different turn on Day 221 -today, when they decided to offer good customer service by going African on the food, after most members of the team had suffered on the food front – the team includes a few JJCs (JJCs wey dey peel potato skin comot from roasted potates, habi wetin dey give us sef the other day wey dem dey peel off. To them, it was like eating yam with the skin on). They provided rice, nice peppered meat with stock sauce and dodo – instead of ‘ewe’ as salad and all those other funny food! Don’t get me wrong, I hate ‘dodo’ with a passion but I was well intrigued that they will go that length to try to make us all feel at ease and get to eat without becoming lean in progress!

As per, shopping, I no even see anything to buy! I never thought I will see that day so soon where I will be shoppingless!

11. Bottom line – I dey miss my Las Giddy o and I can’t wait to go back! Strange but true!

And so that’s it folks for Weeks 42 and 43. I don’t think I will be posting anything for Week 44 – you know, not much action dey happen here for jand jare. But will post if anything extraordinary happens sha, if not, just wait till I get back to action city (for Week 45) where I’m certain to always have a thing or two to talk about!

Enjoy the rest of your week. Have a good one and Merry Christmas in advance!

Always & Always,

Moi (Keeping It Real)

Naija Week 41 - Snooze A La Snooze!‏

Hello Everyone,

How is the TGIF going down your end? I'm definitely glad for it. Hope your week has been great. Many thanks for the calls, emails and comments! I will continue the blog o until when I'm commentless!

Anyway, Enjoy!

1. Picture this: Day 207 - so fatigued and exhausted was I that 'mo pa no lo' at my desk! As in, I literally had to snooze at my desk for about 40minutes or so, before I became normal again. The truth be say, wen sleep use to catch person like dat for jand, na loo person go run to go sleep. Ha, u wan die sha if you go any of our loos here to go snooze o. In fact, the sleep go comot for ya eyes quick quick - as in the toilets are un-user friendly! Having said that though, I remember one time like dat for one ol' job in jand wey person go rest im eyes for toilet. Na so another person com use toilet wey be say, I almost die from smelly suffocation. I run comot as a matter of emergency and urgency!

Nawaya o!

2. Picture this scene: I was on my home when I saw a hawker trying to sell his ware to someone on a bus. He was trying to sell a bottle of Coke to a passenger, which in itself was not the issue but how to reach out to the man on the bus. The bus was one of those big buses like ehm the 'Ekene Dili Chukwu' of Naija; National Express of Jand; and Greyhound of the Yanks! So the boy was jumping up and down like a yoyo in moving traffic trying to get the Coke to the man on the bus and the man was not willing to let go of the money for the Coke until he'd grabbed the Coke in his hand. Eventually, both of them achieved their goal! What a sight! It was a miracle the guy wasn't crushed in the process!

3. Day 208 - a day of terrible traffic on the famous bridge going home! There were scores of cars that had broken down from overheating - bonnets were just flying open! What was worrying was that about 95% of the cars were Mercedes Benz! Is there something worth noting about the Merc considering its considered to be a good ride?

Still on this journey! Na so the cab man com tell me say he wan stop put water for im car radiator or something like dat. I tell am say lailai, dat one no go happen whilst I still dey inside his car! I tell am say nothing go make im stop o for the bridge. In fact, ehn, after he tell me dis, I com dey pray hard make we just comot for the bridge bcos the truth be say, na true the car need the water but I wasn't willing to risk my life bcos of a car or anyone; moreso being night-time!

4. Just a thought here - been wondering how passengers cope with the heat in danfos! If I find it difficult coping with cross-ventilation, how are they coping with un-cross ventilation?

5. Day 209 - I saw with my korokoro eyes two well dressed gentlemen almost engaged in 'gidigbo' on the famous bridge. One had rammed his car into the other. I wasn't recovered from that sight (one which you only see amongst the public transport drivers and area boys) when I saw yet another brawl - one more serious than the 'gidigbo' sight. I think the tanker had driven badly against the molue driver. I just suddenly saw a few people jumping down from the molue and giving the water tanker driver and its occupants some severe rushed beatings using belts and fists; all through their windows. 'Twas brawly!

6. This one is down memory lane! One of my colleagues was in a need of a pen this morning. After having a go at him for coming to work without a pen and loaning him mine, I found some spare 'bic biros' in my laptop bag. I gave him one. On doing that, he jokingly asked if he should put his name on it, in order to stop anyone from nicking it. Then I remembered how we used to guide our biros against being nicked when I was in primary school. How we would note down the bic number like Q-F-24; even write your name on a piece of paper and slip it into the biro cover and even went as far as inscriptions on the biro. Do you remember that? Do you remember 'Suwe' and carrying your magic 'Suwe stone or glass piece' around the place in preparation for a game of Suwe - Now our kids only play with X-Box, Z-Box, PS et al? Do you remember playing 10-10? Do you remember the daddy and mummy game? Do you remember the slate with the Yoruba alphabets -a, b, e, e, f, g, gb? Do you remember having home lessons using black boards and chalks to write? Do you remember Big Deep/Dip? Do you remember Parmalat drink? Do you remember Bata Sandals? For the ladies, do you remember having you hair threaded with rubber / cotton thread and always loving the after effect of leaving your hair abit straightened for a few minutes when you take out the threads?

Times have definitely changed!

Back to reality!

Have a blessed weekend! And Merry Xmas in Advance! Yes o, Merry Xmas in Advance!


Always & Always,
Moi (Keeping It Real)

Naija Week 40 - Habi, You Get Connection?‏

Hello,

Hope you've had a good weekend. It was definitely one of those days for a 'TGIF' last Friday - sorry I didn't post!

Thanks a bunch for the emails and comments that’s been coming in. I’ve received a few urging me to keep blogging. So blogging, it is! Thanks for reading and keeping this going for me!

Here's my little piece for week 40 - really not much for a change!

1. Public offers are going up for grabs for you investors out there! There seems to be one public offer or another each month. Anyway, Fidelity Bank and FCMB shares are up for sale!

2. Day 204 - It took me just 1hour to get to work. It was amazing as I don't remember the last time such happened - its been taking almost 3hours to get in for the last few months!

3. Sewer endurance! Na soso 'shxx' smell we don dey endure for the last few days for work o. To chop for office don becom wahala! To drink sef, don becom wahala too, as you will be close to puking by the time you are done. And ehm, I hear say management no even won pay to empty the 'thing' properly – becos dey wan move, so na the gutter wey dey outside the compound dem dey pump am into, just to bless our neighbours! Health hazard of the highest order! Na prayer I dey take pray say make client no come visit me whenever the thing dey erupt! Chei, if dis na jand, a for don make plenty money o from litigation like charging them for sewer smelling disorder, smell belle-ful; not to mention office and atmospheric pollution.

4. Picture this - I just realise say without NYSC certificate or exemption certificate, I no fit work o. Ok, where I'm at, they didn't ask for it, being a 1-man band. But then a lot of us abroad think that once you are 30 and above you can get exemption, but that’s not the truth o. Apparently, you can only get an exemption, if you finished University at 30 years of age and above. So does that mean that if I've been away from Naija forever and decide to come back home at 45years of age (and finished all academic acquisitions by 24years of age), that that person has to serve before they can get a decent job?

Habi, you get connection? If you do, abeg I need am o, make me too be able to go out there to market myself for other opportunities.

Meanwhile, everybody dey say the NYSC don go past its ‘sell by date’! Serving is no guarantee for anything! There are graduates out of there that are Okada drivers, jobless, touts, robbers et al. Hmm, nawa sha!

5. Attended a girlfriend’s wedding at the weekend in Abuja. Had to drive to the airport early, something I’d never done before! After missing the terminal by going to MMA2 first, I finally got to MMA and purchased my ticket at 6.30am for a 7.15am flight – ain’t that nice: never try that though for a Friday or Monday Abuja flight! For a VN flight, they left spot on at 7.15am, arrived on the dot at the stipulated time, both for going and coming back. A friend that got there at 7am was denied boarding! I was well impressed with their timeliness and politeness. Whilst this may not be the case every time, one thing is certain, the face of customer service is changing in Naija!

6. Is it true that crime rate is higher in South Africa than in Naija? That’s the vibes being received these days, even from its own nationals! Hmmmmm!

Proudly Nigerian!

Stay tuned for this week’s post! Enjoy your week! May it be stress-free, fulfilling and rewarding!

Always & Always,

Moi (RLC)

Naija Week 39 - A TV Thing!‏

Howdy Y'All,

Trust you are all doing well and had a great weekend. Well I did (or think I did) as it was 3-day working week last week due to the Sallah break - don't I just love Naija!

So, here's the little I have to report on for the short week!

On another note before I go on, I'm thinking of winding this down gradually, I mean the diary. What do you think?


Read On!

1. Went to the mechanics to service my car at the weekend and heard of a dog called 'Funso'! Quite unique, I'd say! I'd always been used to names like Bingo, Lucky, Charlie; but Funso, never!

2. Still on the same visit to the mechanic, my car was now taken for an engine steam-cleaning session. Whilst there, I now got so pressed to ease myself. Being sat at a 'restaurant' I now politely asked if there was a bathroom to use. On second thoughts, I knew it'd be a miracle for the bathroom to be 'civil' but at that point I was ready to take/make a gamble more so, because I had all my bathroom gadgets in my handbag. Ok, ok, I'm sure someone is wondering what I mean by bathroom gadgets. My BG includes toilet roll, pocket tissue, Tesco's moist tissue, hand anti-bacterial lotion/sanitiser and handcream! Yes o! I carry all these with me as you just never know where you will go and be confronted with some strange permutations of hygiene provisions. For example, no tissue, not enough tissue, no tissue to place on toilet seat, no water to wash hands, no water to flush, water available at start of visit but gone by time of departure, soap on hands with no water to wash off et al. In fact, my permutations can go on!

Anyway sha, na so the boy go find out for me o. On returning, na im, e say make I follow am. Thinking, I had conquered, na soso follow I follow am. E com reach won open space with gutter, e com tell me say na 'here' dem dey piss', say e don bring me com the place o!
In astonishment, I com ask if im sure. I tell say e dey have a laff habi. E too com laff o but true my people, na for dat open place people dey do am o.

I'm sure you can guess that I held my peace until I left there to look for a decent place! But then, I only had that problem being a woman, men don't!

3. Day 199 - I went to church for a morning service and on my way to the car park, a robber had been nabbed whilst trying to steal a stereo from a car or perhaps his intention was even to steal the car! Anyway, he'd been beaten real good and with a police station a few minutes away, getting him handcuffed and marched there didn't take much effort!

4. Picture this: Within the short week, here are the typos spotted on the TV screen - Combact, Octomber, Strories, Distupting, Cheif! Whatever happened to the editors?

5. On the NEPA front, I think I spoke abit too soon a few weeks back, they seem to be getting back to their ol' tricks again; plus what's the point getting supply from them when its going to be at half-capacity? Nawaya o!


Always & Always,
Moi (Still Keeping It Real)

Naija Week 38 - Koboko Elenu Meje Whipping!‏

Howdy Everyone,

Hope you've had a good week. I'm sure you won't believe me if I told you I had a stress-less week in Las Giddy! Well I didn't - 'twas still as stressful as ever doing an average of about 15hours away from home daily! I've been talking of mortality rate now, I don't think its being measured and if it was I can bet my life that stress is a major killer; but then who will ever own up to someone dying of stress in Las Giddy? The answer will be that somebody somewhere 'is doing' or 'has done' the person! As heard in time past, noone dies through natural circumstances in Naija!

Last week's event now seems like a life time ago, the people involved seem to have long moved on, so I've had to do just that before people begin to wonder who the true victim is/was; but its still imprinted on my heart!

Anyway, here goes for Week 38!

1. My mum clocked 60 on October 1! Bless her! 60 hearty cheers to her now! And many more hearty cheers for the years to come! She had a party. Men, I have concluded that wearing a head gear in both our mild and un-mild weather is a punishment o. Even our lace et al is punishment. Na chuk the thing just dey chuk me. In fact after the church service, na d gele I first comot make heat no kill me! The irony was dat, it seemed like na only me dey sweat dat kind sweat. Acclimatisation na big word o!

2. Some time last week, I watched the tail end of a movie on one of the local channels - 'Superscreen' to be precise. Then the screen showed the menu of a DVD collection! For a second I wondered how I had gotten to that screen before it dawned on me that it was from the TV station - they had just shown a movie from a pirated 'road side purchase' DVD collection with 'chinko' titles! I tell you this can only happen here o!

3. Day 192 - Na so I waka go where I go take cab! I waka for 15minutes and waited for 20minutes to get a cab. Can you believe that it was after a whole 35minutes that I realised that my front zipper was down, when I boarded the cab. I can't begin to recount the looks and hootings I got and I just wonder what their reasons where! What is the synonym for embarassment?

4. Look at this equation: Hawkers + No Traffic = No business in Las Giddy!

5. Picture this - was talking to some colleagues at the end of a meeting and a man literally hit his head on the glass door near us whilst staring at me. I mean, he walked into the glass door! Honestly, no kidding! We just busted out laughing when he was out of sight!

6. Seems some Las Giddy people are getting fitness conscious these days. I see people jogging everyday now around my end - counted over 10 people one morning whilst waiting to board a cab! This place has a way making you so unfit and the irony of it is that most people think they are enjoying life that way - eating junk and hopping in and out of their cars all day everyday! So, when I'm doing my walk to the cab rank, I don't moan anyone!

7. Was stopped by the FRSC on my way to church - hadn't used my seat belt! I was asked to show my DL, which I did. Then the guy asked why I hadn't used my seat belt. I simply replied politely that I had forgotten to use it and was sorry. The guy then returned my DL, told me simply also to strap up and drive on! That was God! Road safety people nail you as you offend! Thank God for favour!

8. Just when I was overcoming the aftermath of my brothers robbery, his mother-in-law was robbed in a hair saloon by a gun-wielding female robber. She stripped all the occupants of their money, phones and other valuables! Yes, female / woman / womb-man / obinrin / nwenyi!
So when I had to visit the saloon at the weekend, I only went in with bare minimum!

9. Picture this - I have a carbon monoxide detector in my kitchen. It is suppose to change colours depending on the air quality in the kitchen! So when it suddenly changed to black depicting danger the other day, I was so scared I ran out of the kitchen o and went to open up all the doors and windows of the house. Whilst I'm still unsure of why it had changed colour, could it have had anything to do with the generator being on and the gas cooker too? Na wa o! I refused to turn on anything for a few good days after!

10. Can you imagine trying someone's number for atleast 200 times? That was what I encountered one evening - no thanks to network problems! I tell you the telecom firms are milking us dry with poor service levels! Just imagine if it was an emergency! And before you think the remedy is to have several numbers with different operators, think twice! I once tried my mum on all 4 or 5 numbers and I couldn't reach her on anyone for over 2days!
Ha, I miss Ofcom o!

11. Picture this: Day 194 - Was on our way home in bad traffic. We just suddenly heard someone use a koboko with several mouths (horse whip) to whip our car! It was a police van carrying some jokers, some unimportant people but they wanted to fly through traffic - no siren because thats been banned or so. He hit the car once, hit it again and hit the driver (my manager) - I mean whip him literally with the koboko to get him to move out of his lane. I was in awe with my mouth agape for about 3minutes refusing to believe that that had just happened. I was mad and pxxxx. So that meant, if the driver was a woman or pregnant woman or so, thats how he would have beaten her. What nonsnese! What lawlessness!

12. NEPA / PHCN has been very good with electricity supply for the last 6 weeks - have had days without any interruption. Its been utterly amazing! But my question is why and how did the sudden supply emanate because its been from one extreme to another - no light to almost complete supply! Was someone intentionally punishing us?
I'm not complaining sha!

13. Just been told now -10.44am that TuFace was robbed and shot yesterday on his way home from the airport after returning from London. He didn't die - thank God!

14. Did a write up for Celtel magazine on blogging. It also featured my blog details et al. The
Q3 magazine has just been published and I am so proud of myself!

Thanks Workstation!


And thats all for now folks.

Enjoy your weekend! Have a blessed and restful one!


Always & Always,
Moi (Keeping It Real)

Naija Week 37 - Monday 5.10am Shock Horror!‏

Howdy Y'All,

Hope your week was much better than what I'm about to write. Mine has been pretty traumatic! I just can't begin to emphasise the gratitude for God's goodness!

Read On!

1. My brother and his family were at my place on Sunday night. We had a swell time. They left just gone past 9.30pm. As they were driving off, I charged them to call or text me as soon as they got home.

I anticipated the journey to take about 25minutes at the most, so when I didn't hear from them after my timing, I began to call their phones. The phones just rang endlessly. After a while, I gave up and went to bed with the mind that they probably had left them on silent and hence didn't hear the phones ring, which was not unusual.

Day 186 - I woke up and got up at the sound of my alarm, with the determination to beat the heightened Monday morning rush hour traffic!

So, as soon as my alarm went at 5.10am, I didn't roll over to the other side of the bed begging God for another extra half hour of snooze!

Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw next as I reached to my phone to turn off the alarm!

There was a text from my mum that read that 'my brother had been robbed last night on their way home'. I instantly went into shock and became confused. I called my mum, who had cried all night and didn't sleep a wink but spent her night stooling every minute!

Still shocked as she gave me some details, I told her I couldn't continue with the conversation, so I got off the phone. I was disoriented and didn't know what to do next. One minute I was back in bed, then the next I was crying my eyes out, then questioning God, then going to have a shower, then almost dressing for work etc. After about an hour, I was a bit rational, so I decided to drive straight to their home; and I did just that.

This was the 3rd robbery he would encounter in 7months! For the 1st time, I hated being back to Las Giddy, as I wondered how this had re-occurred yet again recounting all the losses!

Nothing could have prepared me for the account they were about to give me.

Just five minutes away from home, him and his wife had been chatting away in the car, when suddenly a car double crossed them. Oblivious of what was about to happen, he thought it was a driver mis-driving, so he tried to manouver the car. By the time he had an inclination of what was about to happen, he tried reversing only to discover that another car had blocked him from behind. They initially thought perhaps they were ritualists because of a phrase used, before it dawned on them they were robbers numbering almost 10 with guns blazing; moreso after they hadn't dozed off instantly! They shot into the air and into the passenger side where his wife was sat with their baby asleep in her arms. Luckily, the bullet didn't come through. This act just made him give up any other attempt to escape as he quickly raised up both hands in surrender.

Some men quickly jumped in and forced my brother, his wife, baby and helper to the back of the jeep. They told them to bury their heads down whilst they drove off to an unknown destination.

The robbers were dressed in native attires with caps, so anyone passing by will think they were coming back from a social function.

They said that they were not afraid to kill and that they'd already exhausted 3 lives that day / evening, so their utmost cooperation was required. They asked for money and took every dime they had. They took all their phone handsets - in fact my brothers handsets was what first appeased them, took all their jewellery including wedding rings. They took everything!

They said they know they were Christians and asked what church they attended. My brother responded that they attended 'Fountain of Life Church'. Then the man who was their leader, repeated it as Mountain of Life; so my brother repeated it to him. Then one of them in front started singing a Christian song!

Meanwhile, they got irritated by the buzzing of their phones as I continued to ring them (oblivious of what was going on) and therefore asked to switch them off!

Their leader was an 'old adult', in fact, they were almost all elderly. He moaned about the economic situation of the country and that they didn't have money to send their kids to school. Other comments also made it very clear they were somewhat retrenched / ex 'POLICE MEN'! They were learned men! They also made comments like all a policeman is taught is how to use a gun! Some of them complained about the fact that there were no 'politicians' up and about town that evening for them to rob!

As they drove on, they wanted to robbed another jeep, but it seemed that as they were about to corner the driver, it wasn't the make they were after, so they let it off. All these were being noted as they spoke in the car and as my brother and his wife tried to spy with their heads buried down.

Then a call came through for one of them, on ending it, the receiver said it was 'mummy' or 'mama'. Then another received a call from his wife. It was deduced from the responses being given that the wife had called to ask how their operations were going and the leader replied that they had gotten 3 cars blah, blah! They could hear her hailing her 'husband' - 'okare oko mi', that is, well done my husband!

It turns out the other cars had been stolen too. It was later discovered that one of the occupants in the other car was the driver of the car. His car was only 2weeks old, whilst my brother's was 2months old. This driver had received so much beating, he said he was begging God for blood to come out of his body at one stage, hoping that would make them stop the beating. He had even been more unlucky, he was tied up and been with them since the early evening as they carried out their operations.

Then they decided to refuel the car. They told my sister-in-law that my nephew must not cry for a second. He'd been asleep all this while. They were threatened of the consequences of that happening. So both of them quietly prayed for my nephew not to cry and also that they should not encounter any police checkpoints as that would mean a gun battle! They told them to look normal at the filling station. The robbers filled up and even joked with the unsuspecting attendants!

Somehow, my brother had a peace that he couldn't explain, as the leader engaged him in a dialogue; whilst some members of the gang were eager to 'waste' them and getting angry that a conversation was even taking place.

My sister-in-law pleaded and cried and pleaded with them.

They asked my brother if there was any security feature in the car. He said that there wasn't. They were surprised at his reply and asked why there wasn't one. He told them that he had specifically asked them not to fit anything into the car. A decision that he had come about after his former boss almost lost his life for this.

There and then, my brother made a case against having security devices fitted into cars in Las Giddy. It can be the fine line between life and death. Just have your standard insurance and let them handle any events concerning your car. Tracking, alarms, perimeter fencing or whatever can end up costing you your life! The truth about it is that you are less likely to want to drive your car if it was stolen and then recovered.

I guess part of the driving them away that night was to ascertain whether or not my brother was being truthful about any fitted security device!

They asked for the particulars of the car. When presented, they wondered why they were photocopies and my brother had to explain to them calmly that being a company car, the policy was to only carry around the copies rather than the original. They also asked how much the jeep cost. He told them!

As they journeyed, they spotted a police checkpoint from a distance and then one of them called someone from the other car on what to do. They asked whether to engage them or to re-route, then a decision was made to re-route.

The leader asked where my brother hailed from. He was initially going to answer correctly, then he decided against it and said he was from Ogun State. The man then asked the name of the exact town, he mentioned some place, that luckily for him existed. Because of his reply, the man suddenly lightened up saying he knew the place and that he was an 'omo egba' blah, blah. He turned to his wife and asked where she was from. On answering him, it seemed like someone from her town of origin may have offended him in a past life. He turned to them and said that he will release my brother and his son and helper and take her away with them. As she cried and pleaded, the man now told her not to worry that he was only joking and that he won't take her away.

Then they finally came to a stop in an unknown destination - dropped in a bush with utter darkness all around. The leader now asked that they untie the other man - that was when they even got to know that there was another victim.

The leader now gave my brother N3k for transport and the other man was given N2k! My brother now prostrated - the Yoruba way, thanking him. He replied - saying no problem! Then they just felt to ask for the baby's bag since it won't be of any use to them. The leader asked which bag it was and after certifying that it only had my nephews stuff they handed it over to them. Then they thought to ask for their house keys and the man asked them to get it. Then my brother thought to ask for his drivers license and the man gave him. Then he thought to ask him for his office diary and the man gave him. In retrospect, they wished they'd asked for their sim cards too - then thought perhaps, they may have been pushing their luck!

Everything had been stripped off them. Even her shoes and slippers were not spared, so she was bare feet and my brother had to give her his slippers to become bare feet himself! The money on them should have been dropped off for someone earlier but my brother had missed the person twice or so - thats how they got to have enough cash on them to give the robbers to appease them. A later revelation was given by my brother about his MD's friend being shot dead last week because he didn't have enough money to give the robbers that attacked him. His car was not taken, but the robbers felt for the calibre of car being driven, he should have had more money on him. So, even robbers profile! God have mercy!

The men drove off leaving them in the middle of nowhere. They didn't have a clue where they were or how to get out. Little did they know they'd been dropped off at a ritual hotspot and that they were well into Ogun state!

With no cars coming or going, they prayed for help. Then a bus stopped. The only reason why the bus stopped for them was because of the pleadings of the women on the bus because they were carrying a baby and for that reason cannot be ritualists.

It was the occupants that now told them that they were in a ritual hotspot and that nobody stops at that spot for any reason. Someone on the bus paid for their fares. This was apparently the last bus for the night heading into the next town - Sango Otta! Thats how far they'd travelled.

So they were now told how and where to get another bus back to Lagos. My nephew woke up when they arrived at Sango Otta, looking around and wondering what was going on!

They boarded the bus, and even after explaining the situation, the driver wanted to charge them N5k for the trip! Na waya sha!

Not trusting anyone, he asked the driver to take them his mother-in-law's house.

On getting there, he said the only numbers he could remember off-hand was my mum's and mine. He knew how disturbed I would become with that kind of news, so he called my mum instead. Needless to say, we were all very disturbed. They finally got home after all the initial police reporting at around 2am or so.

They went to make a report at the local police station later on Monday morning. After describing the gang to the policemen, it was obvious that my brother was not the first to come and make a report about them. The police seem very aware of the existence of the gang; but then were very bitter about the lack of support and equipment. One of them particular complained about the death of a colleague who was denied treatment for a gunshot wound because of N20k. Now if the law enforcers are embittered, what hope is there for its citizens?

Do you know that this is how an entire family can and have probably gotten wiped out? Thank God for his grace and protection.

I have cried; we have all cried! In all of these, people are even coming up with worse stories enough for us to be thankful to God for preserved life.

I have just been so traumatised. The experience narrated to me is constantly being relived in my mind, as if I was there went it occurred. I've been getting up every morning since and catching a glimpse of my nephew's picture before leaving home!
I guess I feel worse for it because he was there too but his presence with them was undeniably a gift!

If I feel this way, I can't begin to imagine how they've felt since the ordeal. Still, they've moved on, shrugged it off and grateful for the hope that being alive gives!

If na jand, dat will be automatic 3months of work for post-traumatic stress blah, blah!

Facts of this ordeal: If my brother or his wife had lied for any reason or if there was any security features or any slight ticking off or any police check point or the baby cried - I'm not sure both of them will be alive today to tell the story!

Truths of this ordeal: The peace of God that surpasses all understanding engulfed my brother, even such that he had 'seeming favour' with men of the underworld or should I say their leader; because the other gang members could not see any reason why my brother and their leader should even be dialoguing! They were ready to get thrilled at the wasting of human lives!

Above all God was in control!



This is my piece for this week. We sure need the hand of God and constant prayers for the preservation of life and property in Naija!

It is well!


Always & Always,
Moi (RLC)

Naija Week 36 - Night Rider!‏

Howdy Y'All!

Definitely TGIF! So glad for it. Trust you've had a fab week unlike moi here completely stressed out by the amount of traffic that's suddenly hit Las Giddy accesses to the Island!

Thanks yet again for your readership, comments, emails, thoughts and prayers - all so very much appreciated!

Happy Reading!


1. As mentioned already, traffic seems to have suddenly gone bunkers this week. My travel time this week has been averaging 5hours daily excluding work trips!

2. Day 182 - Witnessed a merciless beating of a woman by a man, from a distance. The woman kept receiving beatings (slaps and kicks) from the man before the time we hit traffic at that spot even past when we moved on. There were people standing around the scene, who seem not to be doing much to diffuse the situation. I was confused at the sight; wondering what on earth her crime may have been!

3. Alot of Okada drivers dress code in Las Giddy include the following: Big fake goggles, no helmet, 'dunlop' slippers (flipflops) and socks! Socks + Dunlop slippers? What a combo! Isn't this a recipe for disaster?

4. How about this for an address - Mortuary Road? Was having a snack only to notice the manufacturers address. My people, the confidence to continue to chop the 'epa' fly comot quick, quick o!

5. Seems half of the famous bridge becomes lit at night times now and its such a beautiful sight to behold. Perhaps the government is working their way up to lighting the whole length of it! Weldone!

By the way, how come the state government is donating vehicles to the police force which is a federal institution? Am I missing something here?

6. Picture this - Night Rider! I never thought I'd see the day I will do late night driving in Las Giddy. Got home at 11.30pm; na food cos am sha - I go collect food! Needless to say, I prayed all the way home and its not something I would like to do again soon.

7. Here's a Las Giddy tip on cab pricing. The true cost of your journey is half the price given to you by the cab driver. So if you are quoted N1000 for a journey, know that the actual cost of that trip is N500!

8. An another observation! People buy fuel whilst their engine remains running. Isn't that dangerous? God have mercy o!

9. Attended a friend's naming ceremony, little did I know that the residence was in Ogun State - took a cab down! So, it seems like I've broken my own record that states that going to the Island equates to my travelling outside Las Giddy; but I've now travelled to Ogun state!

Thats all I have for this faithful Week 36! TGIF once again!

Have a restful weekend!


Always & Always,
Moi (Keeping It Real)

Naija Week 35 - Mold Invasion!‏

Hello All,

Here's a Week 35 late entry - soooooorrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy!

Thanks once again for all your comments and emails. Writing with much love!

Enjoy!

1. Day 176 - On my way to work, the cab I was in developed a flat tyre on the famous bridge. This was one of the things that I'd always dreaded. Anyway, as soon as this happened, I disembarked wondering what next to do - at least I didn't think of dialling 999 for a change! Suddenly, I just saw an official car for one of the firms located near my office. I hailed the driver, explaining what had happened to the him and its occupants. They were more than happy to give me a lift and get me off the bridge. Thank God!

2. Day 176 - Just before I got to the office, there was an accident scene that had apparently occurred over the weekend were some NEPA poles had been dislodged. Some were lying on a security van, whilst some wires dangled precariously. Some havoc had been wreaked. We concluded in the car that perhaps the security had ran into the poles. This theory remained until one of my colleagues came to the office later to tell the story of how the poles had actually fallen onto the security van and how he'd been riding on an okada and his neck got caught in one of the dangling wires - which thankfully wasn't live at the time. He came off very lightly with lacerations but could easily have been decapitated!

3. Day 177 - Saw a dozing dog, with its head literally dropping to one side. Thought this was only humanly possible!

4. Was back to the hospital regarding my precious thumb! It had to be anaesthetised again to remove the stitches that had refused to dissolve. The pain was BAD! Basically, the lost flesh had began to grow, the stitches had refused to dissolve whilst some part remained infected! So, the stitched part had to be literally cut off with the entwined flesh, so I was back to a fresh wound! Luckily, I had a caring and patient attendant, who's now been attending to my thumb specially since to ensure a thorough and total recovery!

5. Day 179 - I had 3 square meals for the first time ever at home! Brekkie, Lunch and Supper!

6. Ehm, on the issue of this N529m / N628m house renovation by the house speaker. Here's my thought on the matter:

I had always wondered how someone would 'chop' billions of Naira during their tenure in office but now I know its truly possibly. If one person don chop N628 in 100 days of being in office that means dat over a 4-year tenure (1460 days), the person go don chop 628/100*1460 = N9168.8m; at the rate of N6.28m per day! Habi make me sef change profession? Na God go judge all of us!

7. Attended my first proper social outing on Saturday - a friend's wedding. 'Twas definitely a nice setting and a relief to be a socialite in Las Giddy for a few hours!

8. Picture this - Mold Invasion! Na im I won wear one of my baffs, I com discover say mold don catch am. My shoes, my sputts, belts, even my leather skirt (no ask me wetin I won do with my leather skirt for Naija o!).

Help! What do I do to prevent this?

And thats it folks!

Enjoy the rest of your week!


Always & Always,
Moi (Still keeping It Real)

Naija Week 34 - Embarrassment!‏

Hello Everyone,

Hope you had a good weekend! Since its a late post I might as well congratulate y'all on the Golden Eaglets victory - it was quite spectacular! I almost hit the roof screaming whilst the penalty was on; then was on my knees for the 3rd penalty kick from our part. Our Pastor in church even prayed and said they would win; plus we made a special prayer at church on their behalf! Anything for footie! Thank God!

Anyways, back to reality! Thanks so much for all your emails and comments to the website - so much appreciated.

I know some people seem scared and concerned about the level of reporting that I'm giving - please remember that my blog is not meant to be a moan but an outlet in order to humour myself on the happenings here. This is just my encounter here in Las Giddy! Everyone's story is different! This is just mine! Remember, let God lead you here because I can tell you that if God hasn't led you here, you may have a tougher time; being led just means you may have a tough time! It is well!

Enjoy Week 34!

1. Had my first generator fuel-filling experience! 'Twasn't fun! I was scared! I'd never come in contact with petrol face-to-face like that before! I guess this is another inevitable experience of being back in Naija!

2. Whilst in a little bit of traffic at the weekend, a DVD hawker came running to my window to advertise his wares. In curiosity, I turned to see what he had to offer only to have a pxxx DVD cover staring at me. It was so not funny! I was so annoyed as I wondered what had prompted him to show me that! No respect!

3. Saw a caption in last Saturday's Punch with Beyonce's picture named as Britneys! Error in judgement I'd say! Habi, dey don dey look alike? Dat na the thing wey go happen when ebony don dey become ivory and ivory dey becom ebony!

4. Day 171 - saw the maddie again on the bridge, this time he was walking in the opposite direction. Somehow, I'm tempted to think that he walks the length and breadth of the famous bridge all day long.

Boarded a cab. When we hit a spot of traffic, the driver turned off the ignition and the cab refused to start after. I'd experienced this last week along the same route and was generous to the driver by giving him half of the fare, this time around, I just got out and walked away to look for another cab, when there was no ray of light of it starting!

5. Here's a colleagues friend's experience! Once saw a deaf and dumb man. Whilst he was moved to give him some alms, he thought to just put the genuineness of his predicament to the test. So he brings out a large Naira note, indicates to him that he wants to give him some money but that he doesn't have any change; so he asks the deaf and dumb man if he has any change and the man answers back that he has change! Who can you trust?

6. Still on Day 171, 2 men where paraded on national TV after being nabbed with a fresh human skull which was also shown! I just cringed in horror!

7. Day 172 - Attended a seminar and had a farting neighbour! Very unpleasant! After the first few firings, I looked around trying to detect the culprit(s) but everyone looked so seriously engrossed in what the speaker was saying!

8. Back to the hozy because of my thumb :( Water accidentally spilled on it and it'd developed pus by the next day. On my visit, the attendant tried to take off some of the stitches. As I sat agonising, his phone rings and you won't believe it, he told me to hang onto the tool he was using to cut/hold on the stitches whilst he answered his call. Here's was me in pain - hanging on to the tool still holding my stitches whilst he answered his call. So unethical but then dis na Las Giddy where anything goes!

Need your prayers for my lil' thumb o!

9. Day 173 - Coming to the office: Boarded a cab. The driver is the most polite cabbie I've ever come across. On getting to the office, he didn't have the right change to give me, he told me to pay him N100 less from the agreed price - the cheapest fare ever! I was in utter shock that anyone, a cabbie for that matter, will let go of his 'ego' / 'kudi'!

10. Picture this - Day 173! Embarrassment! Suddenly developed a severe tummy upset as soon as I got to the office. I went to the loo straight up. As I was there relieving myself, the door bursts open with little or no warning. The office cleaner opened the door applying little pressure, so the nail lock gave way - yes o, na nail we dey take lock door - u know the one wey u go just turn to one side! Luckily, I no dey any awkie position but em pata show small sha! No sweat! I no vex but men I sure say I turn red and blue and back to black!

11. Still on Day 173 - Going home: I tried to flag a cab not knowing that he was being chased by some security men. The men chasing now began to reluctantly shout 'ole', 'ole' (thief)! So everyone around was alarmed. Apparently, what had happened was that the cab man had hit and badly damaged someone's car and made a run. So he wasn't a thief per say, the security men just needed to call him something to get people's attention to stop him. Needless to say, he got away. He should thank his stars, this wasn't in Ajegunle or some place like that; where any portray to be a thief spells instant death if caught, whether the allegation was true or not!

12. Day 175 - Went for a meeting and there was no illumination in the lift and I was headed for the 9th floor! Going and Coming was the same! I prayed o! Not a time to be stuck in pitch black lift!

13. Still on Day 175 - had my first roadside hawker ware! Was in the car with a colleague who decided to buy a couple of yogurt drinks! I was offered one but initially turned it down but then changed my mind and decided to 'have a taste'! Na so I finish the drink sha but I first check the expiry date! There was no repercussion - thank God! I don't think I will be buying any drink on my own from anywhere other than from a proper store! Still best to stay safe!

So thats it for Week 34 o! Have a great week! Looking forward to your comments!

Always & Always,

Moi (RLC)

P.S For the Halli question, it means Halliburton!