What Can I Say?‏

Hello Everyone,

Hope you are settling fully into the ‘not so New Year’ anymore. I read through all the comments / emails received. It gladdens my heart to know that in my little way, this Blog has been informative, encouraging, hilarious, down-to-earth; and useful to most of my readers. All I can say is thank you and God bless.

For this episode, here goes:

1. Saw a man with a live medium snake round his neck casually walking down a busy Island road! I wonder how much wealth he is after, since that’s some of the prerequisites I’m told people often have to go through to make money!

2. Has anyone noticed some batch of funny named cars hitting Naija roads these days? Cars like Geely, Tiggo, Actyon, Rexton, Dacia! Where is Dac Geely tigging Actyon to?

Are some companies using us as dumping grounds again for cars I’m yet to see anywhere else?

3. Picture this: Bang right in the middle of a weekend afternoon, I heard a hawker advertising her wares. Here goes: ‘E mu tea, eje buredi o’! I was amazed – just didn’t know such marketing lines where still in existence!

4. We are currently having some Las Giddy chills. Harmattan to be precise but it’s been quite dusty too. Plus, we are having longer nights and shorter days! So, day doesn’t break until just gone 7am!

5. How about these for spelling on national TV: BUGEDT; RESURCES!

6. Las Giddy roads are undergoing some facelifts: getting lined! But what I’m yet to figure out is how it is going to stop our fellows from forming multiple lanes. Habi, LASTMA get plan for us motorists?

7. Somehow I wished I’d been noting down all the crazy plate numbers I’ve seen over time. Will tell you as I see them going forward! Here are some examples for this week: ‘ORUKA’, ‘OMO SEXY’, ‘24’, ‘TJ’ etc. Tell me, how unique can we get?

8. Just picture this! Fancy coming out of your house and finding a man squatted doing what seemed like a ‘biggie’! Yes, that’s exactly what happened. My neighbours and I had had a quick meeting with our landie, and were on our way back when we saw a cabbie packed outside the house and driver bent down doing what seemed like the obvious with his wear fully out. We were so embarrassed and shocked at the same time. After we went past, some decide we should accost him, so we went back after he was done. On telling him off, he said he wasn’t pooing but peeing and that he had to take that posture because he was a Muslim. Then, one of the ladies who was dissatisfied that he wasn’t peeing but pooing voiced out her concern; she said her family were Muslims too and her hubby doesn’t crouch to pee. He then decided to invite all of us to come and see for ourselves! As in, we should come and check out the evidence of his activity! Can you believe that?

Oh, Las Giddy, this can only happen here o!

Is this a new trend, because I have seen at least 3 men do just this within the week!

And that’s it from Las Giddy Ville! Enjoy your week ahead. Ciao!

Always,

Moi

1st Year Anniversary - A Las Giddian Thanksgiving!‏

Hello Folks,

Happy New Year once again. Thanks so much for your thoughts, texts, comments and emails that still come in regularly. For all the encouragements too, I say thank you!

Hurray, Its my 1^st year anniversary in Las Giddy! Who can believe it! I survived it despite all the craziness and challenges! I am indeed most grateful to God for his goodness and mercies that have continually endured forever!

For this week, I have decided to give a highlight of my first year in Las Giddy!

Enjoy!

1. For enduring the manic traffic – I thank God!

2. For the ability to drive without ever knowing how to drive on this side of the road; for being able to adapt to the unwritten driving laws – I thank God

3. For escaping the incidence of a mad man wanting to grab my arse – I thank God

4. For not knowing where the market is and still getting food to eat – I thank God

5. For the natural weight loss of 4kg in one year without desiring it – I thank God

6. For surviving the ‘Chopping A La finger’ incidence; albeit still missing some finger flesh – I thank God

7. For the ability to change hairstyles ever so often with the daring colours – I thank God

8. For the ability to be myself at work without dual personality – I thank God

9. For being able to ‘talk the talk’ when haggling – I thank God

10. For not going blind on the amount of disability I have seen – I thank God

11. For surviving the trauma of seeing a dead and ballooned body – I thank God

12. For surviving two attempted traffic robberies – I thank God

13. For not falling prey to agent housing gazumping – I thank God

14. For surviving all the lightless and waterless situations – I thank God

15. For surviving all the stomach upsets and food poisoning episodes – I thank God

16. For surviving all the heat, the cold and the flooding episodes – I thank God

17. For turning into a ‘Milo and Peak Milk’ morning drinker in a hot country – I thank God

18. For being unfazed now at the sounds of gunshots as they are a part of every day living – I thank God

19. For being able to save now if I so desire unlike in jand – I thank God

20. For the numerous toasters: I am privileged – I thank God

21. For learning how to un-talk for hours and adapt to 30sec call per person – I thank God

22. For the ability to survive in this masculine and mad environment – I thank God

23. For not jumping ship and facing MMA during difficult times, especially on Day 2 of coming back – I thank God

24. For the brainwave for this blog – I thank God

25. For surviving embarrassments such as zipper down, door busting open whilst having a loo section etc – I thank God

26. For surviving all the no soap, no water, no sanitary bins, toilet using incidences – I thank God

27. For eventually graduating from using bottled water for brushing my teeth to using tap water; though I’m yet to graduate from using bottled water to cook – I thank God

28. For the strength and courage to be able to fill my generator with petrol all by myself – I thank God

29. For surviving an army of soldiers bullying – I thank God

30. For a peaceful election and all the fuel strikes – I thank God

31. For God’s seen and unseen mercies; the near misses, the actual accidents of being the ‘hitter’ and ‘hitted’ without fatalities – I thank God

32. For the ability to survive mostly on poultry (never thought I could survive without all the meat) and eating out for almost 9months – I thank God

33. For surviving the traumas of my brother’s, uncle’s et al robberies – I thank God

34. For not loosing my jand accent (yes o, it’s a purchasing power here) – I thank God

35. For surviving the hooligans’ encounter – hitting and jumping on my car; tambolo(s) feasting on the side of my bum – I thank God

36. For making it into Encomium, City People and Celtel Magazines; and the modelling opportunity – I thank God

36. For all the cab journeys and the times when they broke down on the famous bridge – I thank God

37. For enduring the information ‘un-superb’ highway – I thank God

38. For surviving the sight of a gunshot bullet and its survivor – I thank God

39. For having a job yet with no payslips to prove my employment – I thank God

40. For proudly Nigerian – I thank God

So, I have given 40 pointers here, the truth is I can’t begin to thank God enough for all he has done for me in this last year! Indeed He has been good, faithful, kind, merciful etc.

I thank God for this testimony because it presents an irony of life. I gave up everything in jand to come back here; came back to a country and state a lot of people are running from and left ‘a land of milk and honey’ a lot of people are running to. Its all good.

Lets all discover the place of our prosperity – that’s my take!

So, thank you all for making it easy to live through each day since I became a Las Giddian.

Enjoy your weekend and stay rested.

Love Y’All!

Its Moi

Naija Week 52 - Manic, Hot, Dirty Slap!‏

Happy New Year Everyone! Well it’s almost not as new again – so many days already into the year!

Hope we are all set to achieve our SMARTER objectives for this year. Several of mine includes certainly living life to the fullest, trying out some new things, being spontaneous, being daring, being adventurous, becoming a better person etc. How about y’all?

Anyway, just some little events here and there are still going on in my Las Giddy! Here goes!

1. Picture this: 1^st working day of the New Year! Its home time for everyone! One of my team members decided to leave on the prompt for a change. I left a few minutes after her. On getting outside the office, I noticed a little gathering. Suddenly I saw her being consoled right in the middle of the road island.

She had a received a full 5-fingered, manic, hot and dirty slap from a ‘supposedly’ mad man! Her face and eye didn’t waste time before they ballooned! She was in instant pain. Apparently the man had come out of nowhere and slapped her as she wanted to cross the road. All this at 6pm!

He hadn’t gone far after the incidence and in fact was threatening with bottles a few yards away when people ‘yapped’ the security guards around to go and over power him. Any way, they got their acts together and apprehended him. Funnily, there was a police check point not too far off. How amazing that crime can be perpetuated around the polices’ nose without them smelling any rats. He was handed over to them, whilst they requested to see the victim.

We took her down in the car and all around got a first hand look at this man. He was monstrous looking. Grubby fingers with rings everywhere! Blackened! Unkempt! My description list is endless so let me just stop.

I was so shaken just seeing him. Cold shivers ran down my spine.

As people gathered, they came up with different theories of why she was slapped. Some said perhaps she was supposed to disappear but maybe she was spiritually strong as a Christian; some said perhaps it was attempted robbery but unfortunately she didn’t let go of her handbag; some said perhaps he was working for someone; some said perhaps he was on a jazz mission, which if successful he maybe riding a jeep a couple of years down the line; some said he wasn’t mad that he was just feigning it. None of us could really tell if he was mad or not. Either way, he definitely was not normal.

He was whisked away to the police station whilst she was asked to come and give her statement. The smart ones amongst us in the crowd told us taking him to the police station was pointless – surely they had a better idea of how the system works. That, without someone paying to keep him in the cell, taking him down there in the first instance was pointless.

Truly, he was sighted two days after the incidence around his regular spots; obviously released into the society to ‘do off’ someone else. That’s Las Giddy justice indeed. As for the victim, she fully recovered after days off work and visits to the hozy!

In all things, we thank God. The ‘what ifs’ could have resulted in something more fatal!

2. Picture this: I went to a friend’s place and was driving back. Not exactly late but it was dark – we get shorter days here too! I missed the turnings that would have taken me back into town without realising it. Suddenly, it dawned on me that I was heading outta town! Without even thinking, I began to reverse on the expressway.

I didn’t just know how much of a ‘Las Giddian’ I had become in a matter of months! Just imagine reversing on the I-95 or the famous M25!

3. Had a full car valet service for N1k! Ehm, £4! You can’t beat that!

4. Can someone please tell me why our roads are plagued with severally disabled people? I saw a man the other day – half of his face / head had been burnt off or should I say burnt out!

5. And lastly, for the joke of the day. Had the office AC Service man call to tell me that really, really does like. I warned him and slammed the phone down. What a joker! Certainly not being choosy! J

That’s it my readers. Look out for my anniversary edition. In your book, 52 weeks = 1 year; in mine it seems 53 weeks = 1 year! I think I mis-counted my blog weeks!

Wishing you all the very best of this year of new beginnings! 2008 is it!

As Always,

Moi (Keeping It Real)