Hello Everyone,
Trust you are all blooming marvellous and have enjoyed the 1st quarter of the year! Well, if you haven’t, there’s still 9 months left for you to do something about it. Please be encouraged and don’t lose hope.
It is well with you.
Here’s another tale from our very own ‘Las Giddy’!
1. Picture this: After arriving from a much deserved, welcomed and ‘begged for’ break, I got a most welcoming present!
A friend came round and so I went out to open the gate. As I did, I saw a wriggly thing wriggling away from the door. I thought it was a worm but felt it was quite hot for a worm to be out and about. As I was still pondering, a red-neck lizard came and chopped de tin!
I returned to the entrance door with my friend following but no sooner had we stepped in, I just saw a tail-less snake-lizard in the hallway. I freaked out and was just shaken by its sight. Luckily, my friend was around to help chase it out. Phew!
You know we grew up hearing tales that it turns into a snake! But my people, is that really true; habi na me just dey fear fear? Perhaps the truth on this one will set me free! Hmmmmm!
2. So, a day after the event just narrated above, I was recounting the incidence to my neighbour when she cut me half-way that at least it was just a snake lizard I saw. Apparently, a few days before then, a venomous snake had been found in our very own compound and killed. Thankfully, it was spotted during the daytime as my neighbour attempted re-fuelling his generator. What if it was night-time, which is often not uncommon to re-fuel then? What if their children where out and about? In fact, the what-ifs are plenteous!
Thank God for his mercies as always!
3. Saw a life-less body during a visit to the Island; evidence of convulsion was still around him! 3rd body in 3years! The sad thing is that people around just went about their normal businesses without paying much attention to the dead Okada man nearby. For all we know, he may have been alive for a while and could have been saved, if attended to promptly.
I’ve been told severally, it’s a regular sight and people have just gotten accustomed to it.
Na wa o! I could still remember my 1st sight and how I was so shaken and was crying and the cab man was wondering whether I was going ‘kolo’ or something! Chei, 9ja don harden most people o!
4. Was plagued with Malaria and Typhoid fever at the same time but God came through for me! This was despite carrying my water everywhere I went (and still do) and living in a house that is mosquito-free! Yes, mosquito-free!
Just wondered how I became a victim to the illnesses. One thought was that it may have been through my constant eating-out.
My theory is that it may have been from the ‘Iya Alakara’ selling ‘Akara’ by the office. Its one of those places, I’d always believed the day I see the environment where the ‘Akara’ is being fried, that will be the day eating it will stop! Don’t mind me o, eating that ‘Akara’ as advised, was my attempt at building my immunity to the 9ja system!
5. I used up 500g of baby powder in 12 months! Na soso heat here!
6. For the 1st time as far as I can recollect, I made corned-beef stew that lasted 1 week in the freezer! Hurray, Nepa has surely improved over the last few weeks!
7. Picture this: NYSC Scene! People had mobile or should I say portable loos! In the hostel, ladies quickly devised their loo modus operandi. In the morning, you will just see ladies carrying their mini buckets with lids enter the bathroom area, pick a spot and sit on the bucket to do the big job. When done, dem go empty am into de toilet and flush comot (well if water dey)!
This way, with only 2 toilets to go round those needing to use each section of the available bathrooms (not sure how many toilets per floor, probably about 8 or so to serve several hundreds of people); several babes were doing the same job in the same way but to varying degrees! Especially when it’s just about a 10minute window you have before the sound of doom (that’s what I named the sound of the bugle) was heard in the early hours to beckon you to the assembly ground to be chanting ‘ora, ora, o raa’ – stupid and meaningless songs!
After babes don ‘shit’ finish, dem go go baf, make up and come dey pose for assembly ground! Na waya sha! Chei!
The scene reminded me of hot-air balloon races, where you see several of them floating in the skies!
God just help una, if you go carry one of this bucket borrow go use to baf!
8. Picture this: Red-Neck Affair! During a recent outdoor photo-shoot, I suddenly felt a talon-like effect on my left arm. Lo and behold, as I looked reactively, there was a red-neck lizzie on my arm and as I screamed and jerked, it hopped its way on peoples backs; a ladies toupee et al before it finally disappeared!
Oh, was I disgusted or what for the remainder of the event and even the day! Even as I’m re-living it right now, I’m having goose bumps!
9. Had another electricity near miss at home. Thank God as always for his protection. I was home one evening when I started smelling burnt cables. As I investigated, I realised the cables for my cut-out box had completely melted, baring the metal internals.
Whilst the electrician who came round 2 days after to carry out the repairs didn’t do a thorough job, he made certain revelations. The wirings for the change-over-box was on partial contact; the entire wiring of the house is apparently dire; the neutral of my generator had been connected to the neutral on the Nepa line; when I turn on my generator, some neighbours benefit from it; there’s severe overloading et al.
He categorically told me I was lucky to have been aware and at home at the time to have prevented the incidence from degenerating into a fire outbreak. Truly, I just thank God for His protection!
Oh, NICEIC where art thou? Too much shoddy jobs have certainly claimed several lives, I’m sure of that. Shame we don’t keep records! I’m sure most ‘cause of death on records’ will show ‘killed from village’ / ‘unnatural causes’!
10. Picture this: An inferno! One night at about 10.45pm, I went to the bathroom for a shower only to notice a glow on my bathroom wall. On looking out of the window to find out the source of the glow, I spotted an inferno from a nearby ‘Saw Mill’ market. By that time, one of my neighbours had also spotted it, as we watched from our various windows, as usual, 999 was the first thing on my mind before I realised I was in Las Giddy! As the fire spread, there was a sudden realisation that it may spread to the bordering mini estate and I knew a friend and his family who resided there; I was pushed to go see for myself. Just before I left the house, I made a call to my friend who apparently had been completely oblivious to what was going on nearby.
I went to the fire site. As I walked down, I joined countless others calling the 767 Las Giddy Emergency number (finally remembered our very own local ‘E’ number) to get a fire engine over. The line was engaged but some managed to get through.
At the start it was just one fire truck, thankfully, this story was different from the one I was used to hearing. THEY ACTUALLY HAD WATER TO COMBAT THE FIRE! But one truck wasn’t sufficient, as the fighters ran from one end of the market to the other trying to subdue the fire.
By this time, around 12.30am, a lot of the market stall owners had come round trying to salvage what they could from stores yet to be affected / already affected. Others wailed helplessly in the dead of night as they realised their means of livelihood had been reduced to ashes! The fact that the woods were thoroughly dried worsened the case.
As the fire began to spread to the 1st house in the mini estate, people climbed on roofs and poured and poured water until there was hope. Eventually, I think another 2 fire trucks came round and I would sincerely say that a lot of buildings around the vicinity would have easily become history if not for God and the intervention of the equipped fire trucks.
Whilst some people complained they (fire fighters) came late, my take is that at least they turned up, contained the fire and prevented loss of lives!
What caused the fire? Only God knows! See attached a recording from my mobile phone!
11. Picture this: ‘Kiss of Life’(well almost)! A while back when I was quite unwell, I had to visit the hospital a few times. On one of the occasions, a male Dokie had to see me. No be like jand wey you go have your own GP and na im go dey see you anytime wen you go hospital. Anyway, na so the dokie examine me. After, e finish, he say make I comot for bed make I com sidon. As I sidon, e come stand up, waka to where I dey come hold my hands to drag me up. Before I fit say ‘Jack Robinson….’ E don put im hands around me pull me towards himself and wan kiss me with im broken tooth! Sho!
I was in utter shock as I gathered some strength in my weak state to shrug him off. I wondered and pondered on so many things – the door wasn’t locked, anyone could have walked in. What would the Dokie have said? What would the people have said or thought? If I had responded, where would that have led to?
Na waya o. I go hospital for Malaria injection, na love injection I almost carry comot! Dokie, chase and chase o after. Kai, 9ja, anything can and does happen! No be the first time I go experience dis kin thing o for Las Giddy.
Until the next time stay strong, have fun, be good and May God bless you richly. As always, please feel free to forward to others and post your comments on the blog site!
Happy Easter!
Still Keeping It Real in Las Giddy!
Moi
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Differences between 9ja and Jand!
Hello Y’All,
Howdy? Hope you are enjoying the cold or heat as the case may be for some of us! Just thought to give a different spinner to my blog this month! Hope you find my version of the differences exhilarating!
Happy Reading!
Racism
9ja: To get accommodation if you are from certain parts of the country na wahala!
Jand: To get certain jobs na wahala!
Business Owner
9ja: Go do work, to get your money na real yawa!
Jand: At least for jand, dem go stick to terms and conditions!
Fashion
9ja: 9ja babes dress to kill (at least most of dem – remember Jenifa – Sulia kan, Aiyetoro kan!)
Jand: Jand peeps no beat dem o!
Credit Style
9ja: Na empty vessels they make the most noise!
Jand: Same, same! No get plenty choice without credit!
Poverty
9ja: Mental and material poverty na im plenty pass!
Jand: I no know for dis wan!
Bribery
9ja: Dey for open kampe!
Jand: Sure say e dey happen but no be for open like our own – na so so sleaze tory you go just dey hear for news!
Population
9ja: Government no know how many people im get; how many people they die or how many pickin people dey come born/born for 9ja everyday! Anyone dey come 9ja born pickin?
Jand: Number control & measurement dey! Na so so jand everyone wan born dem pikin!
Passport
9ja: Green na ‘Red’ for ‘Stop’ at PP Control!
Jand: Red na ‘Green’ for ‘Go’ at PP Control!
Property
9ja: Mostly, if e dey for ground, na you get am!
Jand: Dis wan go take 25 years!
Rent
9ja: Chei! At landlord’s mercy!
Jand: Chei! At tenants mercy!
Airports
9ja: Arrival dims your expectations!
Jand: Arrival brightens your expectations!
Christianity
9ja: Hard to practice here! You remember the need for Jesus every millisecond!
Jand: Sheltered Christianity! You remember the need for Jesus maybe every other minute!
Integrity
9ja: Fou, fou, fou, foul! We get special dico – dat word no dey inside! Yes means Yes, Yes, then No!
Jand: Wat you see, no be wat you go get! Yes means Yes but ….
Germ transfer
9ja: You no go know the source and how far dat person hand / person don travel!
Jand: At least, you go no say na either from windowless office or from the tube!
Weather
9ja: Nice and warm! Go blacken you; go melt ya blood!
Jand: Cold and blunt! Go freshen you; go freeze ya blood!
Quality
9ja: You go see sumtin and no go know if na fake!
Jand: You go see sumtin and go know if na fake!
Respect
9ja: Las Giddy rats go see you and na you go run!
Jand: Jand rats go see you and na dem go run comot!
Egg
9ja: If egg don yama, you go know quick, quick!
Jand: With expiry date, e still no go be obvious!
Storage
9ja: Can buy and store as much petrol as you can! Me alone get 50-litres for house! God have mercy o!
Jand: No be only 1-litre jerry can you fit buy petrol for immediate car consumption?
Slang
9ja: ‘A couple of days’ means a few weeks / months even!
Jand: ‘A couple of days’ means just that – 2days!
Phone
9ja: Phone tones/messages are meaningless - several interpretations: ya fone don miss; ya number don miss; network no dey; fone dey off; battery don die; network congestion; make I go on with the list?
Jand: Phones tones/messages are meaningful! ‘The number you are trying to reach is currently unavailable’ means just that!
Colour
9ja: Most widely worn is black! In the heat, I no know who advise dem!
Jand: Na black too, but at least I can understand a bit sha – naturally dull people!
Cheesiness
9ja: E rare make man no get cheesy feet for 9ja – socks and shoes in heat all day! If no be im feet, na im armpit (vest, shirt, suit and tie all day long!) or just general BO or MO!
Jand: No sure which wan pass which! Plenty people no dey baff for jand!
Temperature Control
9ja: You need coolants!
Jand: You need heaters!
Stealing
9ja: If you leave bag for car, you go come meet am; but car for don miss sha!
Jand: If you leave bag for car, you fit come meet car but bag go don ‘sappear’!
Opportunities
9ja: One-chance dey happen for bus! If you no know wetin one-chance be, go find out o!
Jand: Dey happen too, na method differ; people dey fear to enter bus!
Faith
9ja: Defined as things hoped for, seen, tested and received!
Jand: Defined as things un-hoped for, seen, then check ya balance!
Monetary
9ja: Everytin na in millions and billions!
Jand: When last did you see or have a #50 note?
Cars
9ja: So many powerful cars around, na bad roads dey hinder dem!
Jand: Here, na speed cameras and fines dey hinder dem!
Thanks for reading!
Remember to please pass it on to your friends and make your comments know here at the blog site!
Till the next time, take care! Look out for my next blog episode on ‘Kiss Of Life’!
Always,
Moi (Still keeping it real in Las Giddy!)
Howdy? Hope you are enjoying the cold or heat as the case may be for some of us! Just thought to give a different spinner to my blog this month! Hope you find my version of the differences exhilarating!
Happy Reading!
Racism
9ja: To get accommodation if you are from certain parts of the country na wahala!
Jand: To get certain jobs na wahala!
Business Owner
9ja: Go do work, to get your money na real yawa!
Jand: At least for jand, dem go stick to terms and conditions!
Fashion
9ja: 9ja babes dress to kill (at least most of dem – remember Jenifa – Sulia kan, Aiyetoro kan!)
Jand: Jand peeps no beat dem o!
Credit Style
9ja: Na empty vessels they make the most noise!
Jand: Same, same! No get plenty choice without credit!
Poverty
9ja: Mental and material poverty na im plenty pass!
Jand: I no know for dis wan!
Bribery
9ja: Dey for open kampe!
Jand: Sure say e dey happen but no be for open like our own – na so so sleaze tory you go just dey hear for news!
Population
9ja: Government no know how many people im get; how many people they die or how many pickin people dey come born/born for 9ja everyday! Anyone dey come 9ja born pickin?
Jand: Number control & measurement dey! Na so so jand everyone wan born dem pikin!
Passport
9ja: Green na ‘Red’ for ‘Stop’ at PP Control!
Jand: Red na ‘Green’ for ‘Go’ at PP Control!
Property
9ja: Mostly, if e dey for ground, na you get am!
Jand: Dis wan go take 25 years!
Rent
9ja: Chei! At landlord’s mercy!
Jand: Chei! At tenants mercy!
Airports
9ja: Arrival dims your expectations!
Jand: Arrival brightens your expectations!
Christianity
9ja: Hard to practice here! You remember the need for Jesus every millisecond!
Jand: Sheltered Christianity! You remember the need for Jesus maybe every other minute!
Integrity
9ja: Fou, fou, fou, foul! We get special dico – dat word no dey inside! Yes means Yes, Yes, then No!
Jand: Wat you see, no be wat you go get! Yes means Yes but ….
Germ transfer
9ja: You no go know the source and how far dat person hand / person don travel!
Jand: At least, you go no say na either from windowless office or from the tube!
Weather
9ja: Nice and warm! Go blacken you; go melt ya blood!
Jand: Cold and blunt! Go freshen you; go freeze ya blood!
Quality
9ja: You go see sumtin and no go know if na fake!
Jand: You go see sumtin and go know if na fake!
Respect
9ja: Las Giddy rats go see you and na you go run!
Jand: Jand rats go see you and na dem go run comot!
Egg
9ja: If egg don yama, you go know quick, quick!
Jand: With expiry date, e still no go be obvious!
Storage
9ja: Can buy and store as much petrol as you can! Me alone get 50-litres for house! God have mercy o!
Jand: No be only 1-litre jerry can you fit buy petrol for immediate car consumption?
Slang
9ja: ‘A couple of days’ means a few weeks / months even!
Jand: ‘A couple of days’ means just that – 2days!
Phone
9ja: Phone tones/messages are meaningless - several interpretations: ya fone don miss; ya number don miss; network no dey; fone dey off; battery don die; network congestion; make I go on with the list?
Jand: Phones tones/messages are meaningful! ‘The number you are trying to reach is currently unavailable’ means just that!
Colour
9ja: Most widely worn is black! In the heat, I no know who advise dem!
Jand: Na black too, but at least I can understand a bit sha – naturally dull people!
Cheesiness
9ja: E rare make man no get cheesy feet for 9ja – socks and shoes in heat all day! If no be im feet, na im armpit (vest, shirt, suit and tie all day long!) or just general BO or MO!
Jand: No sure which wan pass which! Plenty people no dey baff for jand!
Temperature Control
9ja: You need coolants!
Jand: You need heaters!
Stealing
9ja: If you leave bag for car, you go come meet am; but car for don miss sha!
Jand: If you leave bag for car, you fit come meet car but bag go don ‘sappear’!
Opportunities
9ja: One-chance dey happen for bus! If you no know wetin one-chance be, go find out o!
Jand: Dey happen too, na method differ; people dey fear to enter bus!
Faith
9ja: Defined as things hoped for, seen, tested and received!
Jand: Defined as things un-hoped for, seen, then check ya balance!
Monetary
9ja: Everytin na in millions and billions!
Jand: When last did you see or have a #50 note?
Cars
9ja: So many powerful cars around, na bad roads dey hinder dem!
Jand: Here, na speed cameras and fines dey hinder dem!
Thanks for reading!
Remember to please pass it on to your friends and make your comments know here at the blog site!
Till the next time, take care! Look out for my next blog episode on ‘Kiss Of Life’!
Always,
Moi (Still keeping it real in Las Giddy!)
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
3 Years In 9ja! I Don Survive!
Hello Everyone,
It’s great to be here once again giving account of the last 1 year! Indeed, God has been faithful through a very tough year – in fact, 2009 was the worst year for me in 3 years of being in 9ja.
3 years, can you believe it? It seems just like yesterday that I resigned from my job, packed up and moved down; and everyone thought I was crazy. The grace of God was certainly available to do it then, not sure I could re-do this again o.
I am a 9ja survivor, anyhow!
Anyway, I felt to give just a lil’ highlight of the last year, here goes:
1. I suffered significant hair-loss and had to cut my hair at some point to promote new growth; I survived it.
2. Survived a ‘down-sizing’ tsunami at work! And dis wan, na real yawa!
3. Survived a Malaria illness as well as a Typhoid and Ulcer diagnosis!
4. Survived several driver driving nonsense ‘near misses’ – thank God!
5. Ha, survived NYSC ‘Concentration’ Camp for 3 weeks! Can you believe that? Let me give some highlights here!
You can't imagine the shock horror when I turned up to camp for registration and was told I had to do a pregnancy test. On being told, I started looking for the nearest toilet thinking that was where the test sample will be taken. When I asked the medical students there, they just laughed and acted quite unsympathetically for the profession they professed. I was told I had to drop everything I was holding to do the test. I didn't understand why and insisted that I won't leave my valuables with anyone to hold.
Eventually, I had to drop my bag and a woman around gave me her pair of flip-flops to wear to be able to walk to the urinating section - right out in the open with a woody-make-shift covering. I was appalled and felt de-womanised when I saw the site. Here was me in my stilettos, from the Diaspora being reduced to this. Even the smear test that I so detested in jand was nowhere compared to the humiliation here. Needless to say, I wet myself in the process when someone 'accidentally' popped by to take her turn; with other onlookers up and about; as I wasn't sure whether to pull down my entire brief or not. I resulted to a 'sliding-window modus operandi' – don’t picture this!
There was just a bucket of unclean water to rinse our hands and another to drop the emptied out urine bottles ready for usage by others; no disinfectant or any such. Thankfully, I was sent home for not bringing some original documentation so I was able to shower and have a change of clothing! Very crazy, I tell you; very crazy. Upon all of this, it didn't stop several pregnant women still getting through the process, so who is fooling who! What a shame!
Endured the evil beagle sound that woke us everyday at 4.30am (or earlier at times) for morning ‘physical exercise’ and to be singing some stupid and meaningless songs dressed in white PE shorts and t-shirt! Was in a 28-woman room! I didn’t even have a bucket on the first night. It was like I was back to boarding school. I had nightmares for days before I finally settled in my mind that the ordeal will soon be over!
On the upside, the platoon leader reached out to me and it made my ordeal bearable. The camp director ensured light and water was as optimally available as possible. I never made it to the dining hall; ensured I had enough water stocked up from home, enough paper plates and spoons, enough cereal, enough disinfectant, enough tissue, enough underwear et al.
Was usually asleep during all those early morning lectures! Didn’t attempt the endurance trek – by then, I was suffering from back aches and had to go to the hospital at some point! Didn’t use my mosquito net – never had a mosquito bite and we used to feel cold most of the time to the point of wearing cardigans! Can you imagine that!
In all, whilst I wouldn’t wish camp on anyone – as I really don’t know what value it adds, the coordinators did well then to have made it as endurable as it was!
6. Still surviving on the lack of cooking. In fact, I have not had light in my kitchen since 2007 and my gas supply since March 2009 is yet to be exhausted! Chei, can I still remember how to cook?
7. The light and water issues weren’t any better in the year just gone by. There are wee improvements coming through the cracks now! God will help us! This is an area I’m yet to comprehend how I’ve been able to survive this long!
8. From the lack of light et al, I’ve learnt to count the number of ceiling tiles in my room to know that they number 45 and that no matter how many times I count them will always remain 45 in number! Yoruba’s call this ‘Oke A Ja’ Syndrome!
9. Been privileged to have had 3 employers in 3 years – ever grateful to God for the opportunities!
10. Survived a sudden 25% rent increase payment; it was actually up by 40% but it was through intelligent intervention that it came down to 25%. Can you imagine paying ‘with-holding-tax’ for your rent or mortgage? Our landie billed us for that o!
11. Been served a quit notice by my landie – I never survive this wan o!
12. Survived several severe fuel scarcities – the current one has been on now for about 5 weeks!
13. It’s only in 9ja people look at you straight in the eyes and lie through their teeth and maintain that they are being as honest as they can be!
14. It’s in 9ja that I’ve experienced having to grovel to take time out from your leave entitlement and still be refused! Na waya! I’m so burnt out because of this!
15. The telecoms firms are making a fortune from ripping us off! We get charged even on failed text messages! Crooks I’d say!
16. It’s only in this 9ja that someone can sleep a pauper and wake up a millionaire; sleep a millionaire and wake up a pauper!
17. Ha, in this 9ja, afo don become millionaire o if this country na litigation society on sexual harassments! I’ve had to endure several sexual harassments. The funny thing was that the perpetrators didn’t see anything wrong with / in their acts! The level of depravity is unbelievable!
18. Been privileged to witness a changing ‘Las Giddy’! Indeed, Fashola is trying to re-invent the city. Kudos!
19. Survived two attempted ‘dog-mauling’ episodes! The last one got me running and screaming for my life as the dog tried to get through my entrance door! Thank God for his mercies!
20. Still trying to overcome these ones o – insomnia and depression! Went through the year battling several bouts of sleeplessness! Not sure what the culprits are – whether it is Nepa, the heat or other issues. Surely, it is well!
21. Realised the level of decadence in our educational system, and it is a reason to worry! A lot of our graduates these days cannot even write or speak good English! Some have learnt to buy their way through, whilst others have learnt to plagiarise! And these are the ones privileged to have even made it thus far! So what does the future hold for those who will not make it that far? For those whose lives have already finished before it started?
Serious food-for-thought!
But then what do we expect, when a simple truth about our Presido’s whereabouts is shrouded in mystery! Shows the level of integrity our leaders are operating at.
God help us all! This is it for now folks!
As Always,
Still Keeping It Real!
Moi
It’s great to be here once again giving account of the last 1 year! Indeed, God has been faithful through a very tough year – in fact, 2009 was the worst year for me in 3 years of being in 9ja.
3 years, can you believe it? It seems just like yesterday that I resigned from my job, packed up and moved down; and everyone thought I was crazy. The grace of God was certainly available to do it then, not sure I could re-do this again o.
I am a 9ja survivor, anyhow!
Anyway, I felt to give just a lil’ highlight of the last year, here goes:
1. I suffered significant hair-loss and had to cut my hair at some point to promote new growth; I survived it.
2. Survived a ‘down-sizing’ tsunami at work! And dis wan, na real yawa!
3. Survived a Malaria illness as well as a Typhoid and Ulcer diagnosis!
4. Survived several driver driving nonsense ‘near misses’ – thank God!
5. Ha, survived NYSC ‘Concentration’ Camp for 3 weeks! Can you believe that? Let me give some highlights here!
You can't imagine the shock horror when I turned up to camp for registration and was told I had to do a pregnancy test. On being told, I started looking for the nearest toilet thinking that was where the test sample will be taken. When I asked the medical students there, they just laughed and acted quite unsympathetically for the profession they professed. I was told I had to drop everything I was holding to do the test. I didn't understand why and insisted that I won't leave my valuables with anyone to hold.
Eventually, I had to drop my bag and a woman around gave me her pair of flip-flops to wear to be able to walk to the urinating section - right out in the open with a woody-make-shift covering. I was appalled and felt de-womanised when I saw the site. Here was me in my stilettos, from the Diaspora being reduced to this. Even the smear test that I so detested in jand was nowhere compared to the humiliation here. Needless to say, I wet myself in the process when someone 'accidentally' popped by to take her turn; with other onlookers up and about; as I wasn't sure whether to pull down my entire brief or not. I resulted to a 'sliding-window modus operandi' – don’t picture this!
There was just a bucket of unclean water to rinse our hands and another to drop the emptied out urine bottles ready for usage by others; no disinfectant or any such. Thankfully, I was sent home for not bringing some original documentation so I was able to shower and have a change of clothing! Very crazy, I tell you; very crazy. Upon all of this, it didn't stop several pregnant women still getting through the process, so who is fooling who! What a shame!
Endured the evil beagle sound that woke us everyday at 4.30am (or earlier at times) for morning ‘physical exercise’ and to be singing some stupid and meaningless songs dressed in white PE shorts and t-shirt! Was in a 28-woman room! I didn’t even have a bucket on the first night. It was like I was back to boarding school. I had nightmares for days before I finally settled in my mind that the ordeal will soon be over!
On the upside, the platoon leader reached out to me and it made my ordeal bearable. The camp director ensured light and water was as optimally available as possible. I never made it to the dining hall; ensured I had enough water stocked up from home, enough paper plates and spoons, enough cereal, enough disinfectant, enough tissue, enough underwear et al.
Was usually asleep during all those early morning lectures! Didn’t attempt the endurance trek – by then, I was suffering from back aches and had to go to the hospital at some point! Didn’t use my mosquito net – never had a mosquito bite and we used to feel cold most of the time to the point of wearing cardigans! Can you imagine that!
In all, whilst I wouldn’t wish camp on anyone – as I really don’t know what value it adds, the coordinators did well then to have made it as endurable as it was!
6. Still surviving on the lack of cooking. In fact, I have not had light in my kitchen since 2007 and my gas supply since March 2009 is yet to be exhausted! Chei, can I still remember how to cook?
7. The light and water issues weren’t any better in the year just gone by. There are wee improvements coming through the cracks now! God will help us! This is an area I’m yet to comprehend how I’ve been able to survive this long!
8. From the lack of light et al, I’ve learnt to count the number of ceiling tiles in my room to know that they number 45 and that no matter how many times I count them will always remain 45 in number! Yoruba’s call this ‘Oke A Ja’ Syndrome!
9. Been privileged to have had 3 employers in 3 years – ever grateful to God for the opportunities!
10. Survived a sudden 25% rent increase payment; it was actually up by 40% but it was through intelligent intervention that it came down to 25%. Can you imagine paying ‘with-holding-tax’ for your rent or mortgage? Our landie billed us for that o!
11. Been served a quit notice by my landie – I never survive this wan o!
12. Survived several severe fuel scarcities – the current one has been on now for about 5 weeks!
13. It’s only in 9ja people look at you straight in the eyes and lie through their teeth and maintain that they are being as honest as they can be!
14. It’s in 9ja that I’ve experienced having to grovel to take time out from your leave entitlement and still be refused! Na waya! I’m so burnt out because of this!
15. The telecoms firms are making a fortune from ripping us off! We get charged even on failed text messages! Crooks I’d say!
16. It’s only in this 9ja that someone can sleep a pauper and wake up a millionaire; sleep a millionaire and wake up a pauper!
17. Ha, in this 9ja, afo don become millionaire o if this country na litigation society on sexual harassments! I’ve had to endure several sexual harassments. The funny thing was that the perpetrators didn’t see anything wrong with / in their acts! The level of depravity is unbelievable!
18. Been privileged to witness a changing ‘Las Giddy’! Indeed, Fashola is trying to re-invent the city. Kudos!
19. Survived two attempted ‘dog-mauling’ episodes! The last one got me running and screaming for my life as the dog tried to get through my entrance door! Thank God for his mercies!
20. Still trying to overcome these ones o – insomnia and depression! Went through the year battling several bouts of sleeplessness! Not sure what the culprits are – whether it is Nepa, the heat or other issues. Surely, it is well!
21. Realised the level of decadence in our educational system, and it is a reason to worry! A lot of our graduates these days cannot even write or speak good English! Some have learnt to buy their way through, whilst others have learnt to plagiarise! And these are the ones privileged to have even made it thus far! So what does the future hold for those who will not make it that far? For those whose lives have already finished before it started?
Serious food-for-thought!
But then what do we expect, when a simple truth about our Presido’s whereabouts is shrouded in mystery! Shows the level of integrity our leaders are operating at.
God help us all! This is it for now folks!
As Always,
Still Keeping It Real!
Moi
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