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Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Naija Week 23

Howdy Y'All,

Another late entry - so sorry! As you know the country came to a stand still last week, nevertheless here goes!

Happy Reading!

1. Ha, I ventured to the market for the first time to try and buy some peppers - 'twas an experience. The tomatoes are usually numbered for sale; and you can be guaranteed that for every 5 tomatoes per sale, one was rotten! Should have just stuck to my good old fashioned tomato plum, which I had already sourced from a supermarket but didn't use after a friend gave me a rollocking for wanting to use 'artificial tomatoes' in Naija.

What I couldn't fathom was how I was going to get my mind past buying the tomatoes that seemed ladened with flies. Anyway I did!

2. Then I hit someone over the weekend and thought I killed her! Had to pass through some tight spot and didn't realise a girl had decided to squeeze past me, so my side mirror bruised her shoulder in the process. As this happened, my mirror fell out and so I didn't see anything else except for the thud I'd heard. Meanwhile, I had just yelled at the Okada man behind me for bumping me. He was carrying a couple of policemen. So as soon as this occurred, they asked me to park the car. Then I thought to myself - 'wi pe, mo ti da ran'! As I stepped out of the car, the policemen had gone, all they were concerned about was for me not to block the road. Anyway, my attention quickly turned to the girl who was crying, so I asked for the nearest hospital to take her. Her mum was at the scene by now and mentioned to take her to the chemist near the road instead. So I got them into the car, drove to the chemist, bought and paid for pain killers and relief cream. Thank God, it was just a bruise!

On narrating my experience later on to friends, I was told that I got away lucky, that people use accidents as a money making business in Naija, that some people will throw themselves infront of moving vehicles and milk you dry in the process of their 'recovery'!

3. Severe fuel scarcity hit yet again - the worst since I've been around. The country literally grounded to a halt. NLC was on strike too and so we had 3 workless days! Splendid!

Results were achieved eventually - VAT was dropped back to 5% from the 10% sudden increase and fuel dropped to N70 from N75. 10% and we dey complain - No be 17.5% we dey pay for jand?

People and businesses endured a lot of hardship during this period, still Nigerians managed not to go to work over the 3days but had enough fuel to attend 'afefeyeyes' over the weekend! And here was me worrying over the standstill - some parties no stand still o for the weekend! Na real wa!

4. Day 111 - I finally managed to do some petty cooking - 1st ever since arriving in Las Giddy and had to get up at 3.30am to re-heat the food to prevent it from spoiling since I'd been without electricity supply for days! Then, awoke and cooked some rice at 5.15am - had rice for brekkie! Oh God, I'm losing my poshness!

I tell you, I think this is one of the hardest to get accustomed to, living a life outside of constant electricity supply! It is just plain hard! Whilst I'm used to not having light, food preservation is a big issue. I had to eventually chuck out the bits and bobs I had bought and placed in the freezer due to no electricity supply!

5. Picture this - Bought a couple of fans! Na so, I conclude say Naija DIY different from jand DIY o. It took forever to get a hang of its assembly! Neither was there any DIY tools enclosed with the packaging!

6. Forgot to mention, I went to the bukka again - you know the one I had mentioned previously that I think my tummy was getting used to! Na so, me and my Oga wan chop poundo! Men, for the first time, I was privileged to see it being made and I was utterly disgusted, so much so that my tummy began to revolt just from the sight. I couldn't eat and didnt order any food, meanwhile I was starved beyond reasoning that day! I just knew eating the food will render me incapacitated for days! Thats it - don't think I can ever eat there again! My Oga chop sha and nothing do am!

7. Day 112 - Ditched the car at home and had to cross 10-highway lanes to board a cab! I was scared out of my socks! Forget pedestrian foot bridge! Non-existent!

8. Still on Day 112 - shortly after boarding the cab on my way to the office, I saw a swollen dead body by the way side. I was horrified, shocked and traumatised for the rest of the day. It turns out the body had been there for a few days. Another soul gone with no accountability!

9. I've gone without watching TV consistently for 5 weeks now! Now which of you can do without it for that long? So bad was the situation of me knowing what was happening in the country during the strike period that I had to be getting the news from the workman on the street, since he had a battery radio! This is what a lack of electricity supply does to you! Its all good sha.

I'm still here and trusting God that it will get better. Home Sweet Home!

Take care, take it easy and have a splendid week ahead.

God Bless!

Always and Always,

Lola (Real Life Content)

Monday, June 18, 2007

Naija Week 22

Hi All,

Sorry for the lateness of this blog - not to worry, I don't have much to report on for Week 22. The week is however filled with 1st time achievements in famous Las Giddy!

Enjoy!

1. I witnessed for the first time police shooting! They were transporting money and were shooting into the air to scare off any potential robbery attempts! I was scared and gobsmacked, I was frozen to my bones!

2. Ha, wore a pair of trousers for the first time since I arrived in Las Giddy. Everyone around me sure noticed and commented. You won't believe how much I've been feeling quite cold; so bad was it one day at the office that I wore a pair of socks as my feet and hands went numb!

3. Finally, braved the weather and had my hair corn-rowed into 'Ghana Weave'. Had 2-tone colours of blonde and gold. The comments have not stopped flowing since! People have been utterly shocked at the combination but I've been reminding them that its nothing compared to the normal look my folks are used to seeing whilst I was in jand. Looking for my next brain-wave hairstyle!

4. Day 109 - Whilst driving in mad traffic on my way to work, I saw with my very eyes policemen chasing 2 men I think beyond a shadow of a doubt were robbers! They both started running in opposite directions on the famous bridge as the police seemed to cock their guns. My gut feeling about why they were not shot was because of the ugly sight it would have created for those of us around. I think that may have been the catalyst for me to run back to jand!

5. My God, does the famous bridge shake or what! The bridge vibrated so much on one of the days that my stomach took a spinning! Honest, it did! Hey, God o, please get our government to bring Julius Berger to check out the shaking bridge!

6. On Day 107 that the heavens opened up, it took 4hours to get home! The next morning on my way out, I saw a huge advertising bill board that had collapsed onto one of the houses beneath it. The house was rubbled!

7. I think one of the miracles of my time in Las Giddy is trying to fathom how none of the road hawkers have lost their feet (being crushed) whilst sandwiched between cars in traffic trying to sell their wares. I think its an utter miracle!

8. And the other thing I can't understand is how many sirened vehicles we have in Lagos, with all of them wanting to fly through traffic all at the same time, as if the other road users don't have destinations to reach! Na wa! All about money and power in Lagos!

That's all for now! Have a splendid, safe and wonderful week ahead.

Always,

Lola (RLC)

Friday, June 8, 2007

Naija Week 21

Howdy Y'All,

Here's Week 21! Enjoy!

1. Severe fuel strike hit Lagos, such that 10litres of fuel was being sold for N2,500 on the black market! Still people managed to go about their businesses and the roads were incredibly free-flowing! Jand should come and take a cue from us - remembered how the UK crumbled a few years ago after a few days of fuel strike! Resilience is the word!

2. Hurray! Had my 1st successful card swipe at a store!

3. Wala! Found and bought imported Ribena at last, at a decent Naija price! Well, thats still a relative assumption!

4. Experienced my 1st Las Giddy solo night driving!

5. Did I ever mention to you that I pay a monthly income tax of N198.00 only? Not even up to one pound! Ouch, I can hear some of you 40% payers exclaim in agony! E pele o!

6. Day 102 - saw a man driving a car full of restrained and unrestrained chickens! They were his passengers all round! Just not certain how he coped throughout his entire journey; and then you wonder how some diseases come up in Africa!

7. Day 101 - had a panic attack on the famous bridge! 'Twasn't funny; but I managed to get going again shortly after!

8. Witnessed with my korokoro eyes, people queuing to get into the BRT buses during one of the fuel strike days. I was shocked at what I was seeing! People don't line up for anything in Naija, let alone to board a bus! Wonders shall never end! There sure is hope for us!

9. I have not had electricity supply for a second for the last 7days; neither have I had water supply for the last 6days - since supply is dependent on electricity availability! Never thought I'd undergo 'fetching' water in this day and age. I've been eating out for the past 4months! Still, driver-less! Hmm, I guess it makes my Las Giddy story complete!

10. Had a hoodlum approach me in traffic during the week - came to knock on my window sharply. Luckily my windows were up. I wasn't certain of what he wanted as he wasn't selling any wares or anything; plus I hated to guess / assume / mention what I thought he was after. Anyway, I had this danfo driver by my side who now threatened to brush him if he didn't move off. As the danfo driver began to move towards making good his threat, the hoodlum quickly moved as there was suddenly nowhere for him to stand between both vehicles. Thank God for his mercies!

11. Day 104 - Picture this! It took three and half hours to do a 2-mile journey on the Island - it was really bad. It took me 4hours to get home! So bad was it that even good ol' Obj got stuck on the Island traffic for two and half hours according to paper headlines on Friday morning! All because it rained, yet absolutely nothing was the cause of the terrible traffic! Hmm, na wa ya!

And that's all for this week! Have a splendid weekend! Awaiting your comments!

Should anyone of you my beloved readers have any brainwaves of how I can publish this blog, please do let me know. Cheers!

Always & Always,

Lola (Keeping It Real In Las Giddy)

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Naija Week 20

Dear All,

5 months! Can you believe it? How time flies! So sorry o my people for the delay - just been utterly chaotic these last few days! Still, here goes!

1. Made my debut fuel purchase using a plastic keg - was scared to death as I placed it in the trunk of my car and then later at home under the stairs. Didn't sleep well for the number of days it spent under the staircase!

2. Day 96 - Had an ad hoc holiday declared on Monday 28th! We didn't know about this holiday until late into the weekend. Don't I just love Naija!

3. Day 97 - Saw a girl drawing up water from a 'conga' (well); I was in shock as I didn't think / know that wells still existed in this day and age!

4. So much for customer service: Made some purchase from one of the leading supermarkets in Lagos and on the receipt were these words: No refund; No exchange; No guarantee! I wonder why they bothered giving out receipts in the first place as it is utterly pointless!

5. FBN are selling shares at the moment and as part of their advertising campaign, there are large elephant prints all about Lagos roads! How about that for free advertising! Truly, this is Las Giddy where the unthinkable takes place!

6. Day 99 - Picture this! I went for one of my numerous meetings. On asking if I wanted a drink, I said yes and requested for Malta Guiness (my beloved drink!). So, MG was bought and brought to me! It was even a canned version which I've not had or seen since I arrived in Las Giddy.
As I sat through my meeting and sipping my drink, I just noticed some stuff at the bottom of the glass! I examined it closely and to my horror, there were more stuffs swimming at the bottom. I ran out of the room straight into the bathroom retching! It wasn't funny - they all just laughed at me whilst I sat there feeling so irritated with goose bumps all over me! Steered clear of MG since especially anything canned!

7. Day 100 - my driver didn't turn to work and hasn't come to work since he got his wage on day 99. Guess what? I just took to the road again especially after vowing the last time he went AWOL that no driver will hold me ransom again in this Lagos.

8. Saw a stark naked insane man on the famous bridge! Not a nice sight. As I sat in my seat, I just wondered who may have 'done him' to become like this!

9. Went for lunch at Chicken Republic on Day 99; and whilst I had the best fries and chicken here since I arrived in Las Giddy, the place was packed with flies. It was surreal and irritating - spent more time wading them off than on the food to be eaten! So much for hygiene! Health and Safety officers will have no jobs in Naija!

10. Fuel price has been hiked to N75 per litre!

11. Fancy this! Attended an interview! Waited for almost four hours, got interviewed at almost 10pm and got home at past 11pm! Does this, can this happen in jand?

Thats all folks for my '5 trying months' in Naija - still I'm glad to be back home. Awaiting your comments!

Thanks once again for your readership!

Always & Always,

Lola (Real Life Content)