Naija Week 15

Hi Folks,

Sorry for the delay - the blog was good and ready to roll on Friday but the ISP connection played up because of the rain - just when I thought it was only in jand that we blame everything on the weather!

Week 15 and still counting! Trust y'all doing great! I'm thinking of wrapping up my Las Giddy blogs / journal. What do you all think? Should I stop or should I go on? Do let me have your feedback as majority will / may carry the votes! Hope you are not yet bored out of your socks reading it :)

Enjoy!

1. Went out with some friends to a restaurant called 'The Londoners' in GRA - mimicking a jand pub setting. It was nice and I had a mixed grill - it was very, very filling and tasty - fries, pork chop, chicken, mushrooms, egg, sausage et al. I chop dem all!

In the same light, I had the best 'porridge' so far in Munchies! So, there are places to go eat out when y'all decide to brave it down here!

2. Had the presidential elections over the weekend. Didn't vote as I wasn't able to register so I spent my day sleeping, lounging, eating and watching TV!

3. Over the weekend still, I just awoke for some strange reason at 2.30am to notice one of the power lines in the Estate sparking up seriously before it finally exploded, giving up the ghost and plunging us all into darkness! It was during this night that I experienced the 'singing mosquito' for the 1st time since I came back to Las Giddy - just when I thought they were a thing of the past!

4. I went past two of my old schools that I attended over 25years ago - the private one portrayed me as 'an olodo', whilst the public one portrayed me as an 'omowe'! Na wa ya o! Never trust child labelling especially negative ones!

5. Attended Latter Rain church where the Pastor made some controversial and bold pronouncements concerning Naija!

6. Day 72 - saw and went past a fire engulfed mass transit bus on the 3rd mainland bridge on my way home - don't know if anyone was unlucky to be in it and hope to God that there was noone caught up in it. There was no fire service officials on site or any attempt to quench it. It was left to burn whilst people drove past it in thick and dangerous fumes. 'Twas completely razed when I went past it on day 73!

7. I seem to be seeing some strange and 'still intact' posters of Las Giddy governorship candidates - names and parties unheard of, even after the elections have been deemed over and done with!

8. Bumped into someone at one of my meetings who seemed to recognise me from over 25 years ago! Shame, I couldn't recollect the name or setting of acquaintance with this chap! Does that mean, I haven't changed over all the years that people instantly remember my face? Habi, make I go change my face?

9. Heard an ad on Day 74 - Buy 2 cars and get 1 free - not just BOGOF but BTGOF! This can only happen in Naija! Fancy this happening in jand - lailai!

10. The heavens opened up during the day on day 74. V.I became notoriously flooded within a few hours; even the Mainland did better than the Island! Saw a man walking without his trousers as he'd removed it to keep it from getting soaked!

Traffic Report: left Lekki at 4.45pm and got home at 9.15pm!

11. Shock! Electricity was supplied about 12.30am last night and was still on even as of the time I was leaving home this morning. So surreal was it that I didnt sleep well at all as I kept anticipating when it will be taken again. This length of power supply is the first of such that I've experienced at home since I came back 14weeks and 6days ago! Halleluyah!

Have a restful and splendid week!

Its moi, keeping it real in Las Giddy!

Always & Always,

Lola

Naija Week 14

Hi Y'All,

Yet another week - Thank God for his mercies! Still hanging in here and desperate for a holiday!

Happy Reading!

1. Went out during the election at the weekend - actually drove to my Uncle's place! I didn't know I could be that brave!

2. Was on the phone the other day to my family in jand and as I was chatting, I yelled at someone on this side of the conversation. The person I was talking to in jand was so shocked at how I yelled and said I had become fully Nigerianised!

3. Day 67 & 68 - Had severe food poisoning - the worst in Naija and even in a long while now! I lost so much fluid. So much for SA Rice Krispies, Powdered Peak milk and TFC Pam's rice! It developed between having breakfast and lunch! It was not funny! I couldn't eat anything decent for days!

4. Day 68 - Whilst recovering from the FP, I spilled water down my shirt just as I was about to enter a meeting on a client site! Can you imagine! I jus do yanga about it when I was being laughed at! What else could I do!

5. Managed to get another driver after weeks of going downmarket - We thank the Lord!

6. A very common site in Las Giddy is that people just perch anywhere to 'piss' whenever and wherever they like! No respect for public or private properties / roads!

7. Oh! I attended the first church ever to have air conditioning - it was awesome. I'm sure you won't be surprised if this becomes my home church! Ok, ok, apart from the AC, I actually enjoyed the service, something I hadn't really experienced in a while!

8. The commonest clothing colour that people wear daily in Naija is 'White', despite the heat and the amount of dust pollution around. Now you don't want to see what that becomes at the COP!

9. Day 69 - Worst ever traffic day since being in Lagos! Return trip to and from work was 6hours! A part of my trip in the morning that should only take 15minutes cost me 2hours because of a tanker that lost its head - not just being jack-knifed but decapacitated! I'm not sure of any casualties but from the remnant I saw, it was a miracle the entire lorry had not burst into flames. Thank God for his mercies! And here was me being cross with the driver for being un-agreeably late that morning!

10. I have lost much weight yet again especially because of the FP and I seem to have a sudden outbreak of postules on my face due to Naija and work stress!

11. One of the new initiatives being carried out in the church I attended over the weekend is to build offices and toilets for the police stations within that environ. Apparently most of the police stations do not have toilet facilities let alone offices to work from; most of them hang around under trees! No wonder there is so much bribery, corruption and crime. To hear this is so painful! How can they serve and protect effectively? Still on this topic, I saw a battered police van on patrol. It was so bad, I could barely make out the make, model or colour. There was only one functional headlight; the other head lamps were non-existent!

12. My first Naija work project is about to go live, so this week has been nothing short of being chaotic and manic. I was in a meeting yesterday with 12 men in attendance and I was the only lady amongst them! Working in Naija especially in a male dominated environment is a different ball game entirely. I've had to toughen up these last 3 months to earn respect! Nawaya!

13. There were some other depressing events this week and even for the past few weeks now that I can't even begin to mention or articulate in this forum. Its all good sha!

14. And tomorrow is the day for the much awaited Presidential elections! It is well with Naija o - God's perfect will is definitely set to prevail.

I await your comments / emails as usual - make it better by blogging it at http://lagosdiary.Blogs4Rus.com

Have a good and great one.

Always as Always,

Lola - Keeping It Real in Las Giddy!

Naija Week 13

Hello All,

Here's my Naija Experience for Week 13! Enjoy!

1. Developed a big postule on my forehead and a friend called it a unicorn! For me it was a SoS - Sign of Stress! Took a few good days with prayers before it finally vamoosed!

2. Attended my first ever fashion catwalk show over the weekend. It was very interesting! I tell you, Nigerians are becoming more creative and shockingly daring!

3. Day 60 - Good Friday! I was one step away from dying of B& L!

4. Day 61 - Family quanta don start!

5. You never know when you will get paid at work. Its so terrible salary payments are often late by almost a week. Just when I thought such things didn't happen again. My people its not funny o!

6. Braced myself for my 2nd driving attempt in Naija on Day 61. Went to re-fuel the car and didn't know where / how to open the tank. Luckily, the pump assistant beat me to it and saved me a whole load of embarrassment. Still on this day, so bored was I that I decided to handwash my car myself! It was an experience seeing a 'Sisi' do this chore! This is a very rare sight in Naija!

7. Still going downmarket, that is, cabbing to and from work!

8. Day 63 - Picture this! Had to board a cab as mentioned and the inevitable happened whilst on 3rd mainland bridge - flat tyre! Haya! E no funny o! The driver com park on the lane wey near the water side; anywhere I look na jus water I dey see - meanwhile I no fit swim. I com comot for the moto feeling confused. I bring out my phone to dial 999, then I remember say na Naija proper I dey. Then I wan call AA, then I com to my opolo (senses) dat na Naija proper proper I dey. Then I begin flash down cars wey dey pass, to beg anyone wey go stop carry me comot for the bridge, when fear grip wen the bridge begin to shake / vibrate. My God! Then I com realise say standing behind the cab na dangerous place to be, so I go stand for the front! Somehow, I begin calm small small telling myself say na morning, in the daylight and dat hope dey to comot from there in one peace. If na night time, my people, I go don run comot from there! True, true; because hope no dey wen you break down for 3rd mainland bridge for night - then you need the mercy of God a 100 times more! Anyway, before further fear go let me begin piss on myelf, the driver say e don finish make I enter car again! Na waya o! Thank God for his mercies!

9. 2 days of public holidays got declared half way through the day on Wednesday because of the forthcoming elections even though they are taking place on Saturdays; so this week has ended up being a 2-day working week! This can ONLY happen in Naija! Don't you just love it!

10. Got to present my 7-digit cheque on Day 64. Even me sef ready to gazump dem now if better com my way! Dat na d Naija style!

11. Acquired my Naija Driving Licence on Day 65 without doing a test or going to the DL office! Wished jand could operae this way, wouldn't have failed my test 3 times before finally passing those years ago! Ha, Naija sha!

12. Guber elections dey take place tomorrow - Saturday 14th!

Thats all folks! Take care and have a lovely weekend! Remember to post your comments at the blog site!

Always,

Moi

Naija Week 12

Hi Y'All,
Happy Easter Celebrations; though I'm not in the slightest mood for celebrations :(

For the first time in 3 months, I didn't want to post a blog update! But its all good sha!

Anyway, this is all I have for this week! Enjoy!

1. WOABD - will leave that for you Einstein's to decipher!

2. Didn't get to present my 7-digit cheque as I was gazumped yet again! Integrity is a far-fetched word in Naija - lots of people lack it because they don't even know it exists!

3. NEPA / PHCN has been at their most gracious best these last few days since I've been here! Not even sure whether to be happy at this, because I've been so used to not having electricity supply! Iya o da o!

4. Seen a particular type of shirt design on at least 20 people over these last few days - must be a designer uniform or something!

5. Went visiting the other day and saw a master bedroom almost the size of some people's abode in jand!

6. Saw a 'Molue' with lights on - I mean full lights plus extra lights! It was shocking!

7. Day 57 - counted 8 formed lanes at a stage on the 3rd mainland bridge on my way to work! Naijas can form the maximum out of the minimum!

8. In Las Giddy, its almost only a matter of time before your old / new car gets scratched - proper baptism of road usage!

9. Day 59 - saw a dead horse by the wayside on the famous bridge. I wonder what killed it and for how long it will remain there before it bursts or before someone thinks it will make good pepper soup! Also, there's a place to sight monkeys on the mainland, just in case you are interested but I have not been fortunate enough to see them yet with my korokoro eyes!

Thats all.

Thats 3 months of .................... in Naija! Have a great Easter break!

Always & Always,
Moi