What Can I Say?‏

Hello Everyone,

Hope you are settling fully into the ‘not so New Year’ anymore. I read through all the comments / emails received. It gladdens my heart to know that in my little way, this Blog has been informative, encouraging, hilarious, down-to-earth; and useful to most of my readers. All I can say is thank you and God bless.

For this episode, here goes:

1. Saw a man with a live medium snake round his neck casually walking down a busy Island road! I wonder how much wealth he is after, since that’s some of the prerequisites I’m told people often have to go through to make money!

2. Has anyone noticed some batch of funny named cars hitting Naija roads these days? Cars like Geely, Tiggo, Actyon, Rexton, Dacia! Where is Dac Geely tigging Actyon to?

Are some companies using us as dumping grounds again for cars I’m yet to see anywhere else?

3. Picture this: Bang right in the middle of a weekend afternoon, I heard a hawker advertising her wares. Here goes: ‘E mu tea, eje buredi o’! I was amazed – just didn’t know such marketing lines where still in existence!

4. We are currently having some Las Giddy chills. Harmattan to be precise but it’s been quite dusty too. Plus, we are having longer nights and shorter days! So, day doesn’t break until just gone 7am!

5. How about these for spelling on national TV: BUGEDT; RESURCES!

6. Las Giddy roads are undergoing some facelifts: getting lined! But what I’m yet to figure out is how it is going to stop our fellows from forming multiple lanes. Habi, LASTMA get plan for us motorists?

7. Somehow I wished I’d been noting down all the crazy plate numbers I’ve seen over time. Will tell you as I see them going forward! Here are some examples for this week: ‘ORUKA’, ‘OMO SEXY’, ‘24’, ‘TJ’ etc. Tell me, how unique can we get?

8. Just picture this! Fancy coming out of your house and finding a man squatted doing what seemed like a ‘biggie’! Yes, that’s exactly what happened. My neighbours and I had had a quick meeting with our landie, and were on our way back when we saw a cabbie packed outside the house and driver bent down doing what seemed like the obvious with his wear fully out. We were so embarrassed and shocked at the same time. After we went past, some decide we should accost him, so we went back after he was done. On telling him off, he said he wasn’t pooing but peeing and that he had to take that posture because he was a Muslim. Then, one of the ladies who was dissatisfied that he wasn’t peeing but pooing voiced out her concern; she said her family were Muslims too and her hubby doesn’t crouch to pee. He then decided to invite all of us to come and see for ourselves! As in, we should come and check out the evidence of his activity! Can you believe that?

Oh, Las Giddy, this can only happen here o!

Is this a new trend, because I have seen at least 3 men do just this within the week!

And that’s it from Las Giddy Ville! Enjoy your week ahead. Ciao!

Always,

Moi

1st Year Anniversary - A Las Giddian Thanksgiving!‏

Hello Folks,

Happy New Year once again. Thanks so much for your thoughts, texts, comments and emails that still come in regularly. For all the encouragements too, I say thank you!

Hurray, Its my 1^st year anniversary in Las Giddy! Who can believe it! I survived it despite all the craziness and challenges! I am indeed most grateful to God for his goodness and mercies that have continually endured forever!

For this week, I have decided to give a highlight of my first year in Las Giddy!

Enjoy!

1. For enduring the manic traffic – I thank God!

2. For the ability to drive without ever knowing how to drive on this side of the road; for being able to adapt to the unwritten driving laws – I thank God

3. For escaping the incidence of a mad man wanting to grab my arse – I thank God

4. For not knowing where the market is and still getting food to eat – I thank God

5. For the natural weight loss of 4kg in one year without desiring it – I thank God

6. For surviving the ‘Chopping A La finger’ incidence; albeit still missing some finger flesh – I thank God

7. For the ability to change hairstyles ever so often with the daring colours – I thank God

8. For the ability to be myself at work without dual personality – I thank God

9. For being able to ‘talk the talk’ when haggling – I thank God

10. For not going blind on the amount of disability I have seen – I thank God

11. For surviving the trauma of seeing a dead and ballooned body – I thank God

12. For surviving two attempted traffic robberies – I thank God

13. For not falling prey to agent housing gazumping – I thank God

14. For surviving all the lightless and waterless situations – I thank God

15. For surviving all the stomach upsets and food poisoning episodes – I thank God

16. For surviving all the heat, the cold and the flooding episodes – I thank God

17. For turning into a ‘Milo and Peak Milk’ morning drinker in a hot country – I thank God

18. For being unfazed now at the sounds of gunshots as they are a part of every day living – I thank God

19. For being able to save now if I so desire unlike in jand – I thank God

20. For the numerous toasters: I am privileged – I thank God

21. For learning how to un-talk for hours and adapt to 30sec call per person – I thank God

22. For the ability to survive in this masculine and mad environment – I thank God

23. For not jumping ship and facing MMA during difficult times, especially on Day 2 of coming back – I thank God

24. For the brainwave for this blog – I thank God

25. For surviving embarrassments such as zipper down, door busting open whilst having a loo section etc – I thank God

26. For surviving all the no soap, no water, no sanitary bins, toilet using incidences – I thank God

27. For eventually graduating from using bottled water for brushing my teeth to using tap water; though I’m yet to graduate from using bottled water to cook – I thank God

28. For the strength and courage to be able to fill my generator with petrol all by myself – I thank God

29. For surviving an army of soldiers bullying – I thank God

30. For a peaceful election and all the fuel strikes – I thank God

31. For God’s seen and unseen mercies; the near misses, the actual accidents of being the ‘hitter’ and ‘hitted’ without fatalities – I thank God

32. For the ability to survive mostly on poultry (never thought I could survive without all the meat) and eating out for almost 9months – I thank God

33. For surviving the traumas of my brother’s, uncle’s et al robberies – I thank God

34. For not loosing my jand accent (yes o, it’s a purchasing power here) – I thank God

35. For surviving the hooligans’ encounter – hitting and jumping on my car; tambolo(s) feasting on the side of my bum – I thank God

36. For making it into Encomium, City People and Celtel Magazines; and the modelling opportunity – I thank God

36. For all the cab journeys and the times when they broke down on the famous bridge – I thank God

37. For enduring the information ‘un-superb’ highway – I thank God

38. For surviving the sight of a gunshot bullet and its survivor – I thank God

39. For having a job yet with no payslips to prove my employment – I thank God

40. For proudly Nigerian – I thank God

So, I have given 40 pointers here, the truth is I can’t begin to thank God enough for all he has done for me in this last year! Indeed He has been good, faithful, kind, merciful etc.

I thank God for this testimony because it presents an irony of life. I gave up everything in jand to come back here; came back to a country and state a lot of people are running from and left ‘a land of milk and honey’ a lot of people are running to. Its all good.

Lets all discover the place of our prosperity – that’s my take!

So, thank you all for making it easy to live through each day since I became a Las Giddian.

Enjoy your weekend and stay rested.

Love Y’All!

Its Moi

Naija Week 52 - Manic, Hot, Dirty Slap!‏

Happy New Year Everyone! Well it’s almost not as new again – so many days already into the year!

Hope we are all set to achieve our SMARTER objectives for this year. Several of mine includes certainly living life to the fullest, trying out some new things, being spontaneous, being daring, being adventurous, becoming a better person etc. How about y’all?

Anyway, just some little events here and there are still going on in my Las Giddy! Here goes!

1. Picture this: 1^st working day of the New Year! Its home time for everyone! One of my team members decided to leave on the prompt for a change. I left a few minutes after her. On getting outside the office, I noticed a little gathering. Suddenly I saw her being consoled right in the middle of the road island.

She had a received a full 5-fingered, manic, hot and dirty slap from a ‘supposedly’ mad man! Her face and eye didn’t waste time before they ballooned! She was in instant pain. Apparently the man had come out of nowhere and slapped her as she wanted to cross the road. All this at 6pm!

He hadn’t gone far after the incidence and in fact was threatening with bottles a few yards away when people ‘yapped’ the security guards around to go and over power him. Any way, they got their acts together and apprehended him. Funnily, there was a police check point not too far off. How amazing that crime can be perpetuated around the polices’ nose without them smelling any rats. He was handed over to them, whilst they requested to see the victim.

We took her down in the car and all around got a first hand look at this man. He was monstrous looking. Grubby fingers with rings everywhere! Blackened! Unkempt! My description list is endless so let me just stop.

I was so shaken just seeing him. Cold shivers ran down my spine.

As people gathered, they came up with different theories of why she was slapped. Some said perhaps she was supposed to disappear but maybe she was spiritually strong as a Christian; some said perhaps it was attempted robbery but unfortunately she didn’t let go of her handbag; some said perhaps he was working for someone; some said perhaps he was on a jazz mission, which if successful he maybe riding a jeep a couple of years down the line; some said he wasn’t mad that he was just feigning it. None of us could really tell if he was mad or not. Either way, he definitely was not normal.

He was whisked away to the police station whilst she was asked to come and give her statement. The smart ones amongst us in the crowd told us taking him to the police station was pointless – surely they had a better idea of how the system works. That, without someone paying to keep him in the cell, taking him down there in the first instance was pointless.

Truly, he was sighted two days after the incidence around his regular spots; obviously released into the society to ‘do off’ someone else. That’s Las Giddy justice indeed. As for the victim, she fully recovered after days off work and visits to the hozy!

In all things, we thank God. The ‘what ifs’ could have resulted in something more fatal!

2. Picture this: I went to a friend’s place and was driving back. Not exactly late but it was dark – we get shorter days here too! I missed the turnings that would have taken me back into town without realising it. Suddenly, it dawned on me that I was heading outta town! Without even thinking, I began to reverse on the expressway.

I didn’t just know how much of a ‘Las Giddian’ I had become in a matter of months! Just imagine reversing on the I-95 or the famous M25!

3. Had a full car valet service for N1k! Ehm, £4! You can’t beat that!

4. Can someone please tell me why our roads are plagued with severally disabled people? I saw a man the other day – half of his face / head had been burnt off or should I say burnt out!

5. And lastly, for the joke of the day. Had the office AC Service man call to tell me that really, really does like. I warned him and slammed the phone down. What a joker! Certainly not being choosy! J

That’s it my readers. Look out for my anniversary edition. In your book, 52 weeks = 1 year; in mine it seems 53 weeks = 1 year! I think I mis-counted my blog weeks!

Wishing you all the very best of this year of new beginnings! 2008 is it!

As Always,

Moi (Keeping It Real)

Naija Week 51 - End of 2007!‏

Hello All,

Whilst this post is for last week, I can’t help but think wow, it’s the 31^st of December 2007! Thank God for his enduring mercies!

Happy New Beginnings in advance for Y2008!

Just a quick Blog here for the events of the last week! In Las Giddy, events occur in and out of season, so you see, being in the festive season has not changed anything!

Enjoy!

1. I saw a Somerfield truck here in Las Giddy – logo, UK plate number et al. Na only Oyinbo man remain for me to see to drive am! I began to wonder whether they were trying out their marketing capabilities here since they are not making as much money any more in jand! Ok, I’m sure there’s a logical explanation somewhere!

2. Apparently, the famous Tejuosho market got burnt upper week with several losses of lives. And with the lack of fire brigade service and bumper to bumper shops, I can’t begin to imagine the damages in terms of lives and goods! So Sad!

3. In the light of the festive season, there have been adverts in TV about ‘Naira Abuse’ – party spraying. If caught, it will attract a penalty of N50k and / or 6months imprisonment. For real! So be warned, all you pound and dollar wielding blokes and dames! But then is pound and dollar spraying allowed or disallowed? Na only naira they mention o! I’m sure the arresting officers may be swayed when they see the flow of foreign ego!

4. Naija Tip – always cut open your tomatoes and peppers before blending, as you just never know what may be lurking inside! A’ hard fresh’ looking tomato / pepper is no guarantee that the inside is as clean as the outside! Take it from me – talking out of experience! You might just get much more than you bargained for!

5. You know I mentioned how bad traffic had been this last few weeks but its amazing how the major cause of it has received prompt attention. My interpretation to this is that, because it had really affected the bourgeoisies of the locality, the gas pipes have been quickly buried in the ground. Meanwhile, other areas with open earth for almost a year now along the same stretch of road are yet to have the pipes buried but hey, these areas lack the elite! So who cares?

6. Picture this: rice and cooking oil distribution was very rife in Las Giddy. Apparently, festive gifts for most employees / employers! We got 25kg (even reduced this year because it used to be 50kg pp) of rice and some litres of oil! As I wondered what on earth I was going to do with that much rice, others lamented on the reduction in size. Still I was impressed most places gave their staff something! If na jand now, Inland Revenue go comot tax from the rice and oil; you know, taxable benefit crap! Hmmmmmmmmmmm!

7. Picture this: Day 260! Went to lunch with a colleague and saw a plate with 6 rolls of ‘Iyan’ and a plate full of stew and meat belonging to one Naija man and Oyinbo woman! I tried to work out the ratio of what each person will consume and I just couldn’t! Reason being, I couldn’t figure for the life of me where the Oyinbo woman go chop put the Iyan even if say na only 2 of it she chop. She was a ‘skelebongo’! Perhaps that was why much rolls of ‘solid looking Iyans’ were needed. Na waya O!

8. And lastly, I spotted a tied up ‘maalu’ in a pick up van fighting for freedom whilst in traffic. Men, I changed lanes quickly. Even the attendant to the cow was one leg in and one leg out of the van at a stage as even he couldn’t predict what next to expect from the fighting cow. Heya!

And that’s it as we round off 2007!

Have a blessed one and whatever you do ensure you enter the New Year with style filled with expectations for the months to come.

Always & Always,

Moi

Naija Week 50 - African Fog‏!

Howdy Everyone,

Christmas is certainly here! Here’s me wishing you all a wonderful, fabulous and blessed Christmas from Lagos Diary.

As for me sha, certainly no plans! I intend on at least ensuring enough munchies (been told my fridge looks like a bachelors fridge, so I want to rectify that reputation!) at home and treating myself to episodes of ‘Desperate Housewives’ all through! Whaddaya think?

For Week 50, here’s my little read! Enjoy!

1. For the first time, I must say, LASTMA (Lagos State Traffic Management Authority) is doing a fantastic job. I just can’t begin to imagine what traffic will be like without them in Las Giddy. They are out there come rain / sunshine / dusty environment. Bless them!

2. Day 256 – As I passed through traffic on the highway, there was a disabled guy lying flat on his belly begging for arms. For the life of me, I don’t know how people where able to get past without causing further destruction to him!

3. African fog don land o! We dey call am ‘Harmattan’! I looked out of the window this morning and boy, it was dead foggy. Na im I begin wonder whether I get fog light for car or not. Even if I do, I no sabi where de thing be! It took me years to figure it out in my old car in jand, so not sure how long it will take for me to source it this time around!

The weather is however dead HOT at the peak of the day!

4. Picture this: Day 257 – saw a ferociously burning luxurious bus! It was terrible. I froze as I saw it. I think it’s the worst I’ve witnessed since I’ve been here. And cars where desperately trying to drive past it because it occurred where the only way out of that route was to go past the burning bus. Fire brigade was no where in sight and I’m told anyway that such doesn’t exist and that it’s just a joke here. Fire Vehicles with no means of quenching flames! God help us! Yet, our leaders are well travelled and know how these things work in developed countries! Such a shame! I’m not sure if lives where lost or not, but I won’t be surprised if people had been roasted in those flames!

5. Saw a newly released Nollywood movie entitled ‘Bird Flu’! Na wa o! I tell you, the movie titles they come out with are ridiculous. So, if na Bird Flu today, tomorrow, it may me chicken pox, measles, foot and mouth, shegede et al. Hmm, no comment!

And that’s it for this week.

Have a great weekend ahead as the lastminute.com rushes take place around town for that special couple of days that will be over by this time next week. Shuush, did I just say that? Oh sorry!

Enjoy it sha!

Always & Always,

Moi (RLC)

Naija Week 49 - This One Na Xmas Edition!‏

Howdy Y’all!

It’s been ages o! My last posting was a few good weeks back – skipped Week 44 – no gist to tell in jand; missed Weeks 45 - 48. I was system-less for the bulk of the time hence why I couldn’t write anything. Abeg no vex my people – a thousand apologies! Just as well that I’d been wishing you merry Xmas since last month, because suddenly Xmas is round the corner and this year has certainly gone!

To think I’ve lasted and stayed this long in Las Giddy – 11months is worth a celebration. Did I hear you gasp? Yes o, 11 months in this crazy city!

To my avid readers and writers – thanks for everything and for the encouragements over the months!

So much has happened since but some of the events of the last few weeks are now stale, so I will skip the stale bit.

Here goes!

1. This first one is stale but valid! My conclusion from my recent jand trip is that the brits are as cold as their weather! I had such an unpleasant time; it was countdown to home time every day. So you think, customer service is still non-existent in Naija; believe me, it is equally the same in most places in jand. Did an intercity rail travel and stood for the duration of the entire journey as there was not a single seat going spare – and you think it’s only on molues you stand or that tickets are oversold!

Got insulted by the hotel manager and the cab services we used were nothing to write home about. Cabs turned up when un-required and didn’t turn up when required; early or overly late! This was particularly so bad that on the day of our departure, I ordered 10 cabs to accommodate the number of travellers and after sending us the first two, the office refused to send any more and this was a race against time as we had a coach to catch.

As if that wasn’t enough, the coach turned up about 40minutes late with no apologies. Ok. Then, it was a struggle to fit in everyone’s luggage into the luggage compartment of the coach! You know your people now, agaga the first timers – they bought the whole of jand!

Without even starting the journey, it was already stressful! The airport wahala was another one. I had only 3kg of excess to dissipate; had to sort out payment for ticket date change and then there was the small issue of an 18kg hand-luggage! I had to bin the 3kg of excess – fine but my hand luggage stuff where mainly books & my laptop. At the security scanning point, I needed to expose my laptop, only to discover I couldn’t find the key to the case. After much search, the security man said he will pass it through but if anything looked out of place, then they will yank it open. It passed – thank God; then I couldn’t find the rest of my stuff that had gone through the check point. Apparently, because I had spent so much time there, the officers thought someone had forgotten them and so taken my stuff away. That was eventually redeemed. Then we had to take off our shoes as final security checking! They sure have taken away the joy of travelling!

After all said and done, at the point of final boarding, a lady just asked to check my hand luggage and as she carried it, she told me I would have to check it in. I was asked to take out anything I needed on the plane so that they could tag it. They tagged it alright and I was shown where to drop it. It was by the plane door and seeing no one was there as I worked past, I just took in my tagged hand-luggage onto the plane! Whala!

As I was about to finally relax, I discovered my passports were missing! And there went panic! How would I explain to the officials in Las Giddy how I got on with no PP to tender. So I began to search and search. Finally found in one of the bags placed into the planes hand luggage compartment. By this time, I was trembling and had to take some cups of water to calm my nerves!

What a trip!

2. Guess what insect I saw recently? Skirt and Blouse! Does anyone remember those two-tone insects that were supposedly responsible for inflicting some swelling on ladies faces?

3. I’ve been thinking about Indomie noodles and how its only this brand that had dominated the market for about 20 years now. Suddenly, there seems to have been a market outburst this year with several variants now out – Nunu, Mimee, O!, etc. Was the market monopolised?

4. My laptop repair that would have cost me at least £100 or more only cost me the equivalent of £36 in Las Giddy! No place like home!

5. Picture this: Was about to make some egg delicacy. I broke the first two eggs without any fuss and then the third was a rotten one! On my, my! Was the smile sickening or what! I couldn’t eat anything eggs for the next few days and had to bin the remaining eggs from that batch! No be by printed expiry date you go take no if egg don spoil or not o!

6. Here’s my little take on people from the 3 main areas of the country! If you see a mad man, he’s likely from the western part! If you see a hawker man, he is likely to be from the eastern part! If you see a beggar, he is likely to be from the northern part! What’s your take?

7. Electricity supply has gone from bad to worse, worse to worst, and worst to worstest! It’s also come to our knowledge now that the electrical wiring for our entire house is shady and shoddy! God help!

One minute (when we do occasionally have light), we have extremely high voltage and the next minute, its below sea-level! It is difficult and dangerous to leave anything plugged into the socket!

8. I tumbled upon a supermarket that stocked the only brand of rice I recognise in this whole world – Tilda! A 10kg bag was priced at N8,500! My jaw dropped and my heart sank when I saw the price knowing fully well that it only cost about N2,750 in jand ! We dey suffer here! I tell you the things that are expensive are heavily expensive!

9. Picture this: my first police ‘egunje’ encounter! A couple of weeks back, I was driving home and was stopped at the police check point. As I was mouthing to the officer wondering why I had been stopped, he came round and said to me that he’s certain I’m wondering why he had stopped me. He proceeded to say that there was no reason for being stopped but that he was thirsty and will appreciate if I could give him something to cool his thirst. I told him I had water in the trunk but that it would be very hot by now. So, he requested that I give him some ‘ego’ instead to buy chilled water from the hawkers. I reached into my bag and gave him some money! Na wa o! Just makes you wonder what state our service men are in!

10. Then, I witnessed another open ‘egunje’ request a few days later. This time around in an eatery! My guests had been well spotted to be freshers and this guy just came around and kept hailing them blah, blah. He was eventually given something!

11. Picture this: A hooligan encounter! I was on my way home one evening stuck in traffic. Then this policeman on a bike with a danfo full of God-knows-what kind of people began to harass people to pave way for them. Pave way when there was already no way. I just remained in my lane unperturbed. I felt they should be the ones to move since they were the ones in a ‘hurry’! Then they started shouting at me to move for them. I became livid when they began to urge me to move and beat my car and hit my windscreen. I refused. They cursed but I remain unperturbed! Then one of them jumped on my car and I just continued to move on – as in if you want to die, that’s fine by me! He quickly jumped off my bonnet when he saw that I was equally spitting fire! The ‘fight and face’ I put on particularly shocked them. Such drivers and occupants intimidate women and women usually succumb to such madness! Eventually, they paved way for themselves without me moving off for them! What nuisances!

Las Giddy isn’t for the faint-hearted. Be ready to be hardened and aggressive to survive here; except of course you won’t be plying the roads!

12. Picture this: Na so I won comot for house one morning and I com see Hummer for our compound! I com wonder if to say one celebrity don join us now! Na so me and my other neighbour com dey wonder for a few days until we realised we might have neighbours from hell! Suddenly having a hummer around was no biggie as the novelty quickly wore out. I quickly classified the thing as lousy, ghostly and noisy. In fact, the thing looks as monstrous as its name! My God, you should hear the sound when they are moving it! Before we knew it, car park became a luxury as it took the whole space and being very naija, they just parked it anywhere, anyhow not caring for the owners of the space they were using! I com dey wonder wetin person who fit get hummer dey do for rented apartment – abi na just for shakara or otherwise?

13. Then, there’s been an increase in traffic lawlessness in Las Giddy. Traffic has gone manic! There is no such thing as off-peak driving anymore as there is traffic at anytime of the day you decide to travel. Some dumb-brains decided to dig up the roads endlessly to bury gas pipes or so. But this has just worsened motorist woes.

14. And should you think that the traffic is enough reason to prevent you from getting to your salon for a good ol’ fashioned manicure and pedicure, then ‘malam’ fit do am for you for road side. Na true I talk o! You can guess their clientele!

15. My nephew turned one last weekend and amongst those celebrating with us was RMD and his family. My people, when I tell you me sef don become celebrity, believe me o. Na so, he siddon with him wife whilst dem pikin go play. As my mama, com call me to introduce me, I just quickly reverse gear to ‘foney’! Ok, ok!

He’s nice natured and they gelled with everyone around; even stayed for quite a while!

16. Picture this: So last Monday, I got up and left for work earlier than normal. Was happy I got in ok and then I realised that I had left my house key in the key hole of my entrance door! ‘Twasn’t funny! A few thoughts just flashed through my mind! Neighbours from hell; a ‘meguard’ et al. So I called up one of my other neighbours who had some family members at home. Eventually, I was able to get one of them to help me go remove the key from the door before sending someone round later to retrieve it from them! Phew! Imagine if there was no one to rely on to get it for me! I definitely would have had to go back home but the traffic was terrible and that would have meant the key being out there for that long. In fact, I just don’t want to imagine what may have happened. Thank God!

17. Here is a common phrase / curse you will hear people hurl at one another now especially in the face of mad, manic traffic: ‘God punish your papa’! Hmm, no further comment!

18. Hurray, got a letter from the estate the other day that the ‘Lagos State Waste Management’ collection service is scheduled to begin refuse collection from the estate. Na im I com dey wonder wetin the entire estate has been doing for refuse collection since its existence! I hate to imagine this one too!

19. New Honda Accord don land o! Trust us Naijas to knack it in time for Christmas!

20. Frost-free freezer concept no dey work for Naija o. Na de freezer wey dey block well well go do justice. Oyinbo man think se, dey don do us favour – mba, dis one no be favour. With NEPA in action, your freezer content are thawed within hours, but at least this old fashioned freezer, it will take a while for the block to melt; the only thing is that you will get a wet floor!

21. It doesn’t feel Christmassy at all. Or maybe na jand syndrome dey worry me still. As you know, na Christmas period depression dey worry people pass for jand.

22. We’ve got 2 days Muslim holidays this week forthcoming week and then Christmas next week. If I was to count the number of public + ad hoc holidays we’ve had this year, I’m certain it will be almost 20 days or so. I’m not complaining sha! Its all good!

23. And finally, for those of you coming down for holidays, na money kill am o! Make sure you come with loads, this way you can buy your comfort in Las Giddy!

And that is it!

Have a splendid holiday season and stay safe!

Always & Always,

Moi (Still here, Keeping It Real!)

Naija Week 42 - Na Anaconda! / Week 43 - Another Jand Edition!‏

Hello Everyone,

Hope you've had a good weekend (a good couple of weekends)! The last couple of weeks have been so crazy for me!

Many thanks for the email reminders to post and for all your ever supportive comments and emails alike.

Yes, I know I have not posted for the last two weeks - 'omi lo por ju oka lo'! Many apologies! You will get a lil' picture of why by the time I'm done sha! So please forgive me o! What I’ve done is to combine both weeks 42 and 43 in this episode!

Thanks for your readership as always!

Enjoy!

1. Believe this or not, an Anaconda was caught crossing in front of Sheraton Hotel in Ikeja. Well, I think it was an Anaconda sha! A friend happened to have been in the area when it was caught and took a picture of it, which I have on my mobile phone – na true o, honest! I wonder wetin the people wey catch am go do with the thing! Your guess is as good as mine! Me I no go chop for any restaurant around dat area for dat weekend o or the next few ones!

2. Hey me too don become socialite for las giddy, my mum’s baffday was placed in one of the social magazines and your very own ‘Moi’ was there o.

Na so I was pictured in another one a few months back when I attended a fashion show. The truth was that I didn’t get to know about it until very late and haven’t seen the magazine till now. The thing be say, na so one ol’ friend go see me for magazine – person wey no know whether I don comot for jand or not. Na so secret service go go see person for magazine if dem dey look for person. I tell u all dis ‘Peter Obe’ people, dey just take your picture and publish wherever and whenever dey want! At least dey for tell me say dey wan publish my foto, make I take make money as ehm celebrity!

3. Saw a website online called: www.tokunbo.com.ng

4. Day 213: On my way home just before hitting the famous bridge, I saw a hawker kneel down by the bridge and pray over his wares as he was about to start his hawking for the evening. I was so touched by the sight! I just wondered what the content of his prayer was for the next 10minutes or so as I journeyed home!

5. Day 215: Went for a night out with some friends. As I sat down sipping my drink, I began to feel uneasy and began to discreetly scratch a ‘part’ of my body. I kept fidgeting and scratching as I was opportune without wanting to make anything obvious to the people that sat around me. On investigation when I got home, it turned out that some sort of ant(s) / ‘tambolo’ had had a feast – my side bum had been bumped in several places! It was so not funny!

6. Was listening to the radio one evening on my way home and they were doing a theme on Bonny M! The program sure brought back some memories about some of their songs! Do you remember – ‘Brown Girl In The Ring’; ‘January, February, March, …..’ Na wa o! The songs just made me feel old!

7. NEPA, habi na PHCN was at its ‘best’ at MMA on my way to jand! You would not believe it, na so NEPA take light twice within 5/10minutes at a whole International Airport! The whole place was plunged into darkness with no emergency lights coming up – at least I didn’t see any! I was freaking out! I now began to imagine what the planes in the air would be going through as I’m assuming they may have lost communication with the airport control tower; or even a plane approaching the runway to land; as well as a host of other thoughts that flushed through my mind and a million and one other people that where there at that time! This can only happen in Naija!

8. As I don mention, this write up include another jand edition o. I come jand for training and na so my laptop go drop for ground. The power adapter socket com break. I take am go repair shop and the man tell me say e go cost #100 pounds to repair! Ha, the thing pain me o. Na him, I com quickly do direct conversion to Naira. Haba, the thing no go cost me dat much in las giddy now. So, dats why (well part reason) I’ve been incommunicado – had to borrow someone’s laptop to do this post. Hmmm, the things a writer will do for her readers!

9. So, I com dey listen to news over this weekend. Na so, dey com mention a former cellmate of Jonathan Aitken. The man dey make comment say JA was the best man to do work on prison reforms now wey im don comot from prison. This im cell mate name na Michael Aguda. This man, na Oyinbo – Oyinbo man wey im name be Aguda! Na so I com think to myself say man wey im name be Michael Aguda, no wonder im go rob bank to becom ‘Jaguda’!

10. Na wa o for this global warming – na soso cold, jand be o. My skin has been suffering real bad – been cracking up. In fact, it just dey white sha and na scratch I don dey scratch as if person get craw-craw! Then the food at the training venue took a different turn on Day 221 -today, when they decided to offer good customer service by going African on the food, after most members of the team had suffered on the food front – the team includes a few JJCs (JJCs wey dey peel potato skin comot from roasted potates, habi wetin dey give us sef the other day wey dem dey peel off. To them, it was like eating yam with the skin on). They provided rice, nice peppered meat with stock sauce and dodo – instead of ‘ewe’ as salad and all those other funny food! Don’t get me wrong, I hate ‘dodo’ with a passion but I was well intrigued that they will go that length to try to make us all feel at ease and get to eat without becoming lean in progress!

As per, shopping, I no even see anything to buy! I never thought I will see that day so soon where I will be shoppingless!

11. Bottom line – I dey miss my Las Giddy o and I can’t wait to go back! Strange but true!

And so that’s it folks for Weeks 42 and 43. I don’t think I will be posting anything for Week 44 – you know, not much action dey happen here for jand jare. But will post if anything extraordinary happens sha, if not, just wait till I get back to action city (for Week 45) where I’m certain to always have a thing or two to talk about!

Enjoy the rest of your week. Have a good one and Merry Christmas in advance!

Always & Always,

Moi (Keeping It Real)