Naija Week 37 - Monday 5.10am Shock Horror!‏

Howdy Y'All,

Hope your week was much better than what I'm about to write. Mine has been pretty traumatic! I just can't begin to emphasise the gratitude for God's goodness!

Read On!

1. My brother and his family were at my place on Sunday night. We had a swell time. They left just gone past 9.30pm. As they were driving off, I charged them to call or text me as soon as they got home.

I anticipated the journey to take about 25minutes at the most, so when I didn't hear from them after my timing, I began to call their phones. The phones just rang endlessly. After a while, I gave up and went to bed with the mind that they probably had left them on silent and hence didn't hear the phones ring, which was not unusual.

Day 186 - I woke up and got up at the sound of my alarm, with the determination to beat the heightened Monday morning rush hour traffic!

So, as soon as my alarm went at 5.10am, I didn't roll over to the other side of the bed begging God for another extra half hour of snooze!

Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw next as I reached to my phone to turn off the alarm!

There was a text from my mum that read that 'my brother had been robbed last night on their way home'. I instantly went into shock and became confused. I called my mum, who had cried all night and didn't sleep a wink but spent her night stooling every minute!

Still shocked as she gave me some details, I told her I couldn't continue with the conversation, so I got off the phone. I was disoriented and didn't know what to do next. One minute I was back in bed, then the next I was crying my eyes out, then questioning God, then going to have a shower, then almost dressing for work etc. After about an hour, I was a bit rational, so I decided to drive straight to their home; and I did just that.

This was the 3rd robbery he would encounter in 7months! For the 1st time, I hated being back to Las Giddy, as I wondered how this had re-occurred yet again recounting all the losses!

Nothing could have prepared me for the account they were about to give me.

Just five minutes away from home, him and his wife had been chatting away in the car, when suddenly a car double crossed them. Oblivious of what was about to happen, he thought it was a driver mis-driving, so he tried to manouver the car. By the time he had an inclination of what was about to happen, he tried reversing only to discover that another car had blocked him from behind. They initially thought perhaps they were ritualists because of a phrase used, before it dawned on them they were robbers numbering almost 10 with guns blazing; moreso after they hadn't dozed off instantly! They shot into the air and into the passenger side where his wife was sat with their baby asleep in her arms. Luckily, the bullet didn't come through. This act just made him give up any other attempt to escape as he quickly raised up both hands in surrender.

Some men quickly jumped in and forced my brother, his wife, baby and helper to the back of the jeep. They told them to bury their heads down whilst they drove off to an unknown destination.

The robbers were dressed in native attires with caps, so anyone passing by will think they were coming back from a social function.

They said that they were not afraid to kill and that they'd already exhausted 3 lives that day / evening, so their utmost cooperation was required. They asked for money and took every dime they had. They took all their phone handsets - in fact my brothers handsets was what first appeased them, took all their jewellery including wedding rings. They took everything!

They said they know they were Christians and asked what church they attended. My brother responded that they attended 'Fountain of Life Church'. Then the man who was their leader, repeated it as Mountain of Life; so my brother repeated it to him. Then one of them in front started singing a Christian song!

Meanwhile, they got irritated by the buzzing of their phones as I continued to ring them (oblivious of what was going on) and therefore asked to switch them off!

Their leader was an 'old adult', in fact, they were almost all elderly. He moaned about the economic situation of the country and that they didn't have money to send their kids to school. Other comments also made it very clear they were somewhat retrenched / ex 'POLICE MEN'! They were learned men! They also made comments like all a policeman is taught is how to use a gun! Some of them complained about the fact that there were no 'politicians' up and about town that evening for them to rob!

As they drove on, they wanted to robbed another jeep, but it seemed that as they were about to corner the driver, it wasn't the make they were after, so they let it off. All these were being noted as they spoke in the car and as my brother and his wife tried to spy with their heads buried down.

Then a call came through for one of them, on ending it, the receiver said it was 'mummy' or 'mama'. Then another received a call from his wife. It was deduced from the responses being given that the wife had called to ask how their operations were going and the leader replied that they had gotten 3 cars blah, blah! They could hear her hailing her 'husband' - 'okare oko mi', that is, well done my husband!

It turns out the other cars had been stolen too. It was later discovered that one of the occupants in the other car was the driver of the car. His car was only 2weeks old, whilst my brother's was 2months old. This driver had received so much beating, he said he was begging God for blood to come out of his body at one stage, hoping that would make them stop the beating. He had even been more unlucky, he was tied up and been with them since the early evening as they carried out their operations.

Then they decided to refuel the car. They told my sister-in-law that my nephew must not cry for a second. He'd been asleep all this while. They were threatened of the consequences of that happening. So both of them quietly prayed for my nephew not to cry and also that they should not encounter any police checkpoints as that would mean a gun battle! They told them to look normal at the filling station. The robbers filled up and even joked with the unsuspecting attendants!

Somehow, my brother had a peace that he couldn't explain, as the leader engaged him in a dialogue; whilst some members of the gang were eager to 'waste' them and getting angry that a conversation was even taking place.

My sister-in-law pleaded and cried and pleaded with them.

They asked my brother if there was any security feature in the car. He said that there wasn't. They were surprised at his reply and asked why there wasn't one. He told them that he had specifically asked them not to fit anything into the car. A decision that he had come about after his former boss almost lost his life for this.

There and then, my brother made a case against having security devices fitted into cars in Las Giddy. It can be the fine line between life and death. Just have your standard insurance and let them handle any events concerning your car. Tracking, alarms, perimeter fencing or whatever can end up costing you your life! The truth about it is that you are less likely to want to drive your car if it was stolen and then recovered.

I guess part of the driving them away that night was to ascertain whether or not my brother was being truthful about any fitted security device!

They asked for the particulars of the car. When presented, they wondered why they were photocopies and my brother had to explain to them calmly that being a company car, the policy was to only carry around the copies rather than the original. They also asked how much the jeep cost. He told them!

As they journeyed, they spotted a police checkpoint from a distance and then one of them called someone from the other car on what to do. They asked whether to engage them or to re-route, then a decision was made to re-route.

The leader asked where my brother hailed from. He was initially going to answer correctly, then he decided against it and said he was from Ogun State. The man then asked the name of the exact town, he mentioned some place, that luckily for him existed. Because of his reply, the man suddenly lightened up saying he knew the place and that he was an 'omo egba' blah, blah. He turned to his wife and asked where she was from. On answering him, it seemed like someone from her town of origin may have offended him in a past life. He turned to them and said that he will release my brother and his son and helper and take her away with them. As she cried and pleaded, the man now told her not to worry that he was only joking and that he won't take her away.

Then they finally came to a stop in an unknown destination - dropped in a bush with utter darkness all around. The leader now asked that they untie the other man - that was when they even got to know that there was another victim.

The leader now gave my brother N3k for transport and the other man was given N2k! My brother now prostrated - the Yoruba way, thanking him. He replied - saying no problem! Then they just felt to ask for the baby's bag since it won't be of any use to them. The leader asked which bag it was and after certifying that it only had my nephews stuff they handed it over to them. Then they thought to ask for their house keys and the man asked them to get it. Then my brother thought to ask for his drivers license and the man gave him. Then he thought to ask him for his office diary and the man gave him. In retrospect, they wished they'd asked for their sim cards too - then thought perhaps, they may have been pushing their luck!

Everything had been stripped off them. Even her shoes and slippers were not spared, so she was bare feet and my brother had to give her his slippers to become bare feet himself! The money on them should have been dropped off for someone earlier but my brother had missed the person twice or so - thats how they got to have enough cash on them to give the robbers to appease them. A later revelation was given by my brother about his MD's friend being shot dead last week because he didn't have enough money to give the robbers that attacked him. His car was not taken, but the robbers felt for the calibre of car being driven, he should have had more money on him. So, even robbers profile! God have mercy!

The men drove off leaving them in the middle of nowhere. They didn't have a clue where they were or how to get out. Little did they know they'd been dropped off at a ritual hotspot and that they were well into Ogun state!

With no cars coming or going, they prayed for help. Then a bus stopped. The only reason why the bus stopped for them was because of the pleadings of the women on the bus because they were carrying a baby and for that reason cannot be ritualists.

It was the occupants that now told them that they were in a ritual hotspot and that nobody stops at that spot for any reason. Someone on the bus paid for their fares. This was apparently the last bus for the night heading into the next town - Sango Otta! Thats how far they'd travelled.

So they were now told how and where to get another bus back to Lagos. My nephew woke up when they arrived at Sango Otta, looking around and wondering what was going on!

They boarded the bus, and even after explaining the situation, the driver wanted to charge them N5k for the trip! Na waya sha!

Not trusting anyone, he asked the driver to take them his mother-in-law's house.

On getting there, he said the only numbers he could remember off-hand was my mum's and mine. He knew how disturbed I would become with that kind of news, so he called my mum instead. Needless to say, we were all very disturbed. They finally got home after all the initial police reporting at around 2am or so.

They went to make a report at the local police station later on Monday morning. After describing the gang to the policemen, it was obvious that my brother was not the first to come and make a report about them. The police seem very aware of the existence of the gang; but then were very bitter about the lack of support and equipment. One of them particular complained about the death of a colleague who was denied treatment for a gunshot wound because of N20k. Now if the law enforcers are embittered, what hope is there for its citizens?

Do you know that this is how an entire family can and have probably gotten wiped out? Thank God for his grace and protection.

I have cried; we have all cried! In all of these, people are even coming up with worse stories enough for us to be thankful to God for preserved life.

I have just been so traumatised. The experience narrated to me is constantly being relived in my mind, as if I was there went it occurred. I've been getting up every morning since and catching a glimpse of my nephew's picture before leaving home!
I guess I feel worse for it because he was there too but his presence with them was undeniably a gift!

If I feel this way, I can't begin to imagine how they've felt since the ordeal. Still, they've moved on, shrugged it off and grateful for the hope that being alive gives!

If na jand, dat will be automatic 3months of work for post-traumatic stress blah, blah!

Facts of this ordeal: If my brother or his wife had lied for any reason or if there was any security features or any slight ticking off or any police check point or the baby cried - I'm not sure both of them will be alive today to tell the story!

Truths of this ordeal: The peace of God that surpasses all understanding engulfed my brother, even such that he had 'seeming favour' with men of the underworld or should I say their leader; because the other gang members could not see any reason why my brother and their leader should even be dialoguing! They were ready to get thrilled at the wasting of human lives!

Above all God was in control!



This is my piece for this week. We sure need the hand of God and constant prayers for the preservation of life and property in Naija!

It is well!


Always & Always,
Moi (RLC)

Naija Week 36 - Night Rider!‏

Howdy Y'All!

Definitely TGIF! So glad for it. Trust you've had a fab week unlike moi here completely stressed out by the amount of traffic that's suddenly hit Las Giddy accesses to the Island!

Thanks yet again for your readership, comments, emails, thoughts and prayers - all so very much appreciated!

Happy Reading!


1. As mentioned already, traffic seems to have suddenly gone bunkers this week. My travel time this week has been averaging 5hours daily excluding work trips!

2. Day 182 - Witnessed a merciless beating of a woman by a man, from a distance. The woman kept receiving beatings (slaps and kicks) from the man before the time we hit traffic at that spot even past when we moved on. There were people standing around the scene, who seem not to be doing much to diffuse the situation. I was confused at the sight; wondering what on earth her crime may have been!

3. Alot of Okada drivers dress code in Las Giddy include the following: Big fake goggles, no helmet, 'dunlop' slippers (flipflops) and socks! Socks + Dunlop slippers? What a combo! Isn't this a recipe for disaster?

4. How about this for an address - Mortuary Road? Was having a snack only to notice the manufacturers address. My people, the confidence to continue to chop the 'epa' fly comot quick, quick o!

5. Seems half of the famous bridge becomes lit at night times now and its such a beautiful sight to behold. Perhaps the government is working their way up to lighting the whole length of it! Weldone!

By the way, how come the state government is donating vehicles to the police force which is a federal institution? Am I missing something here?

6. Picture this - Night Rider! I never thought I'd see the day I will do late night driving in Las Giddy. Got home at 11.30pm; na food cos am sha - I go collect food! Needless to say, I prayed all the way home and its not something I would like to do again soon.

7. Here's a Las Giddy tip on cab pricing. The true cost of your journey is half the price given to you by the cab driver. So if you are quoted N1000 for a journey, know that the actual cost of that trip is N500!

8. An another observation! People buy fuel whilst their engine remains running. Isn't that dangerous? God have mercy o!

9. Attended a friend's naming ceremony, little did I know that the residence was in Ogun State - took a cab down! So, it seems like I've broken my own record that states that going to the Island equates to my travelling outside Las Giddy; but I've now travelled to Ogun state!

Thats all I have for this faithful Week 36! TGIF once again!

Have a restful weekend!


Always & Always,
Moi (Keeping It Real)

Naija Week 35 - Mold Invasion!‏

Hello All,

Here's a Week 35 late entry - soooooorrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy!

Thanks once again for all your comments and emails. Writing with much love!

Enjoy!

1. Day 176 - On my way to work, the cab I was in developed a flat tyre on the famous bridge. This was one of the things that I'd always dreaded. Anyway, as soon as this happened, I disembarked wondering what next to do - at least I didn't think of dialling 999 for a change! Suddenly, I just saw an official car for one of the firms located near my office. I hailed the driver, explaining what had happened to the him and its occupants. They were more than happy to give me a lift and get me off the bridge. Thank God!

2. Day 176 - Just before I got to the office, there was an accident scene that had apparently occurred over the weekend were some NEPA poles had been dislodged. Some were lying on a security van, whilst some wires dangled precariously. Some havoc had been wreaked. We concluded in the car that perhaps the security had ran into the poles. This theory remained until one of my colleagues came to the office later to tell the story of how the poles had actually fallen onto the security van and how he'd been riding on an okada and his neck got caught in one of the dangling wires - which thankfully wasn't live at the time. He came off very lightly with lacerations but could easily have been decapitated!

3. Day 177 - Saw a dozing dog, with its head literally dropping to one side. Thought this was only humanly possible!

4. Was back to the hospital regarding my precious thumb! It had to be anaesthetised again to remove the stitches that had refused to dissolve. The pain was BAD! Basically, the lost flesh had began to grow, the stitches had refused to dissolve whilst some part remained infected! So, the stitched part had to be literally cut off with the entwined flesh, so I was back to a fresh wound! Luckily, I had a caring and patient attendant, who's now been attending to my thumb specially since to ensure a thorough and total recovery!

5. Day 179 - I had 3 square meals for the first time ever at home! Brekkie, Lunch and Supper!

6. Ehm, on the issue of this N529m / N628m house renovation by the house speaker. Here's my thought on the matter:

I had always wondered how someone would 'chop' billions of Naira during their tenure in office but now I know its truly possibly. If one person don chop N628 in 100 days of being in office that means dat over a 4-year tenure (1460 days), the person go don chop 628/100*1460 = N9168.8m; at the rate of N6.28m per day! Habi make me sef change profession? Na God go judge all of us!

7. Attended my first proper social outing on Saturday - a friend's wedding. 'Twas definitely a nice setting and a relief to be a socialite in Las Giddy for a few hours!

8. Picture this - Mold Invasion! Na im I won wear one of my baffs, I com discover say mold don catch am. My shoes, my sputts, belts, even my leather skirt (no ask me wetin I won do with my leather skirt for Naija o!).

Help! What do I do to prevent this?

And thats it folks!

Enjoy the rest of your week!


Always & Always,
Moi (Still keeping It Real)

Naija Week 34 - Embarrassment!‏

Hello Everyone,

Hope you had a good weekend! Since its a late post I might as well congratulate y'all on the Golden Eaglets victory - it was quite spectacular! I almost hit the roof screaming whilst the penalty was on; then was on my knees for the 3rd penalty kick from our part. Our Pastor in church even prayed and said they would win; plus we made a special prayer at church on their behalf! Anything for footie! Thank God!

Anyways, back to reality! Thanks so much for all your emails and comments to the website - so much appreciated.

I know some people seem scared and concerned about the level of reporting that I'm giving - please remember that my blog is not meant to be a moan but an outlet in order to humour myself on the happenings here. This is just my encounter here in Las Giddy! Everyone's story is different! This is just mine! Remember, let God lead you here because I can tell you that if God hasn't led you here, you may have a tougher time; being led just means you may have a tough time! It is well!

Enjoy Week 34!

1. Had my first generator fuel-filling experience! 'Twasn't fun! I was scared! I'd never come in contact with petrol face-to-face like that before! I guess this is another inevitable experience of being back in Naija!

2. Whilst in a little bit of traffic at the weekend, a DVD hawker came running to my window to advertise his wares. In curiosity, I turned to see what he had to offer only to have a pxxx DVD cover staring at me. It was so not funny! I was so annoyed as I wondered what had prompted him to show me that! No respect!

3. Saw a caption in last Saturday's Punch with Beyonce's picture named as Britneys! Error in judgement I'd say! Habi, dey don dey look alike? Dat na the thing wey go happen when ebony don dey become ivory and ivory dey becom ebony!

4. Day 171 - saw the maddie again on the bridge, this time he was walking in the opposite direction. Somehow, I'm tempted to think that he walks the length and breadth of the famous bridge all day long.

Boarded a cab. When we hit a spot of traffic, the driver turned off the ignition and the cab refused to start after. I'd experienced this last week along the same route and was generous to the driver by giving him half of the fare, this time around, I just got out and walked away to look for another cab, when there was no ray of light of it starting!

5. Here's a colleagues friend's experience! Once saw a deaf and dumb man. Whilst he was moved to give him some alms, he thought to just put the genuineness of his predicament to the test. So he brings out a large Naira note, indicates to him that he wants to give him some money but that he doesn't have any change; so he asks the deaf and dumb man if he has any change and the man answers back that he has change! Who can you trust?

6. Still on Day 171, 2 men where paraded on national TV after being nabbed with a fresh human skull which was also shown! I just cringed in horror!

7. Day 172 - Attended a seminar and had a farting neighbour! Very unpleasant! After the first few firings, I looked around trying to detect the culprit(s) but everyone looked so seriously engrossed in what the speaker was saying!

8. Back to the hozy because of my thumb :( Water accidentally spilled on it and it'd developed pus by the next day. On my visit, the attendant tried to take off some of the stitches. As I sat agonising, his phone rings and you won't believe it, he told me to hang onto the tool he was using to cut/hold on the stitches whilst he answered his call. Here's was me in pain - hanging on to the tool still holding my stitches whilst he answered his call. So unethical but then dis na Las Giddy where anything goes!

Need your prayers for my lil' thumb o!

9. Day 173 - Coming to the office: Boarded a cab. The driver is the most polite cabbie I've ever come across. On getting to the office, he didn't have the right change to give me, he told me to pay him N100 less from the agreed price - the cheapest fare ever! I was in utter shock that anyone, a cabbie for that matter, will let go of his 'ego' / 'kudi'!

10. Picture this - Day 173! Embarrassment! Suddenly developed a severe tummy upset as soon as I got to the office. I went to the loo straight up. As I was there relieving myself, the door bursts open with little or no warning. The office cleaner opened the door applying little pressure, so the nail lock gave way - yes o, na nail we dey take lock door - u know the one wey u go just turn to one side! Luckily, I no dey any awkie position but em pata show small sha! No sweat! I no vex but men I sure say I turn red and blue and back to black!

11. Still on Day 173 - Going home: I tried to flag a cab not knowing that he was being chased by some security men. The men chasing now began to reluctantly shout 'ole', 'ole' (thief)! So everyone around was alarmed. Apparently, what had happened was that the cab man had hit and badly damaged someone's car and made a run. So he wasn't a thief per say, the security men just needed to call him something to get people's attention to stop him. Needless to say, he got away. He should thank his stars, this wasn't in Ajegunle or some place like that; where any portray to be a thief spells instant death if caught, whether the allegation was true or not!

12. Day 175 - Went for a meeting and there was no illumination in the lift and I was headed for the 9th floor! Going and Coming was the same! I prayed o! Not a time to be stuck in pitch black lift!

13. Still on Day 175 - had my first roadside hawker ware! Was in the car with a colleague who decided to buy a couple of yogurt drinks! I was offered one but initially turned it down but then changed my mind and decided to 'have a taste'! Na so I finish the drink sha but I first check the expiry date! There was no repercussion - thank God! I don't think I will be buying any drink on my own from anywhere other than from a proper store! Still best to stay safe!

So thats it for Week 34 o! Have a great week! Looking forward to your comments!

Always & Always,

Moi (RLC)

P.S For the Halli question, it means Halliburton!

Naija Week 33 - 30 Gunshots!‏

Hello,

Hope you've had a great week. TGIF!

Many thanks for your readership and comments via the site and emails!

Enjoy this week's report!

1. Was opportuned to dine at the Lagoon restaurant with some 'Halli' people last week and boy, was the food setting great or what! The experience was good o! 'Twill be the first time I will see shrimp/prawn that big! In this place, they just keeping serving you until you indicate that you want no more! Na money kill am sha!

2. Was at a party over the weekend and just as I was leaving I saw a woman squatted by one of the parked cars with pants fully down relieving herself! What a sight!

3. Saw a dial-up facility that made me laff! To get internet connection means having to carry a Starcomms telephone (not GSM) around with you in order to get & remain connected to your laptop. Hmmm!

4. Day 166 - Made my first road side purchase! I bought a newly released Nollywood movie titled 'Caught in the Middle'. For the equivalent of 1-pound, I was not disappointed! It was good quality and nicely produced in partnership with Ecobank. Hmm, all the places these banks dey invest in!

All the Nollywood fans out there should go get their copy. Its a nice romantic comedy! Not that I'm an avid Nollywood fan, but this is the first movie I'll watch that showcases some of the better spots of Las Giddy!

5. Naira redenomination; Naira redenomiwetin? Whats your view?

6. Got lifts to work a couple of times this week from different people in my neighbourhood. They just stopped and asked where I was headed since they were heading into the Island! Oh, how nice!

7. Day 167 - was in the car with a colleague who successfully followed a 'sirened' vehicle for 20minutes! I was speechless as I sat glued in my seat and watch him do as they did; and other motorists steering clear of the road for him too!

8. Day 168 - saw a couple of 'egunguns' / 'masquerades' whilst going through Sandgrouse! I didn't know they still existed or that people still carried out such practices as 'eyo', 'oro' et al in this our 21st century!

9. Picture this - Day 168 at around 1.30am! I was awoken by the sounds of gunshots! I quickly came round to consciousness, wondering what on earth was going on. Whilst fully awake, I heard and counted (no kidding) 30 gunshots! You could tell a battle was going on from the sounds of the shots - like an inferior vs superior shots by the way they sounded.

I was scared as I thought the 'mopols' that guarded a couple of houses on my street had some uninvited guests! I tried to look out of the window but couldn't see a thing except the smell of gunshots! Plus there was no light!

I barely got much sleep for the remainder of the night even after the battle seemed to have died down.

Not knowing what had happened at night, I refused to leave the house until it was properly daybreak - 7am! On my way out, I asked the security guards for the estate and was told that the battle hadn't occurred with the estate but in the nearby neighbourhood! Thank God for his mercies!

10. Day 169 - As I was about to board a cab and haggling away on price, a man just came up behind me wanting to board the same cab. The driver beckoned to the man to leave seeing he was still negotiating with me. As the man stepped away, we both suddenly noticed that his ankle was chained and padlocked to his wrist. I felt cold shivers down my spine as it suddenly occurred to me that he may be an escaped criminal. As I looked at him and he looked back as he walked away - I prayed that he won't walk back towards me! At that point, I was ready to pay the cab man what he wanted just to move away from that place o. Its all good!

11. Still on Day 169 - I go chop poundo with my colleague for one place called 'Waka'. The setting is so different! You have settees to sit and relax on instead of the standard hard chairs! Anyways, after poundos, na sleep we won sleep o! In fact, we weren't the same for the rest of the day!

12. Day 170 - Saw a stark naked mad man on the other side of the bridge with no restraints. As I went past, I hoped that his madness wouldn't lead him to jump off!

13. For the 1st time in months, I'm getting some exercise in Las Giddy - Walking!

14. Picture this - went out with a friend for a drink and I witnessed toasting effrontery first-hand! Never mind, I had a male-company; it just didn't stop this guy from making his moves and giving his raps. Haba, this na real wa!

That's all!

Have a restful weekend!

Always & Always,

Moi (RLC)

Naija Week 32 - Alas, Saw A Bullet!‏

Howdy Y'All,

Hope you've had a splendid week. Here's my report for yet another crazy week in Las Giddy - God's own city!

My thumb is getting better, albeit still very painful! Amazing how inadequate you become with 9-usable fingers! Yet, some are without and have learnt to live life despite that. I appreciate my thumb and every other body part that may seem insignificant - I probably didn't before until I realised that I can't even button my shirt right now or grip anything! Won't be hacking any chicken for the foreseeable future! And believe me, the jokes about this hasn't stopped from my work clients especially!

For all the emails, texts and comments - I'm saying thank you! I really appreciate them all. Please don't stop; keep the comments flowing to the blog site!

Read On!

1. Had a near miss accident on Sunday afternoon! A speeding jeep jumped the lights at full red, just as lights at my end had turned full green, with my car positioned first to roar! What saved me was the fact that I had spotted the driver before he hit a blind spot and had intuitively concluded that he won't stop. And he didn't! Thank God for his mercies!

Had the privilege of eating 'Isi-Ewu'! Not sure what to say sha about the experience!

2. Day 161 - Whilst in traffic on my way to work, I saw a man who had fallen fast asleep at the steering wheel. He really was deeply asleep because he didn't budge with all the cars hooting and trying to get past him. I actually feared that he'd died at the wheel. It wasn't until quite a number of cars had gone past that he came back to 'life' to continue driving! Na waya o for a Monday!

3. Did I mention that some of our staff travelling to some client sites for deployment had a terrible accident on the motorway a couple of weeks back. The bus apparently somersaulted thrice before landing in the bush. A couple of them sustained serious injuries - but today they are fully recovered - thank God. I just wanted to wait for their full recovery before mentioning it!

What got to me about this episode was that there were two vans travelling on the work assignment. One of the guys on the other unaffected van, had actually been sat in the affected van. Strangely, one of the guys on the bus annoyed him just before they left the office (in fact they had started moving), such that he asked the driver to stop for him to swap vans. This gentleman believes he would have died in the accident if he hadn't swapped over! Truly God saved him, who knows what would / may have happened!

4. Day 163 - Picture this! As I dey look for taxi for Ikoyi wey go take me go work, na so one mad man go past me. As the mad man waka, na him he won touch me! My people, na scream I scream run comot from the place wey I stand.

How would I get over a half-naked mad man touching me! 'Tufiapa'! It was so freaking freaky!

5. I saw a hen and its chicks! This was a sight I hadn't witnessed in years! Also, saw a billboard for something to do with Wole Soyinka mentioning 'Jero Plays'! Does anyone remember Jero Plays?

6. Day 164 - Picture this! I went to the hozy for my every 2-days thumb dressing and unstitching (thankfully I was told the stitches will come undone by themselves later, so I didn't have to go through the pain).

Prior to this, I'd spotted a half burnt van on the famous bridge on way to the hozy with a few people around the bus looking very disoriented.

Anyway, whilst waiting to be seen, I saw this woman and a little girl with blood stained clothes. The woman's hand had a big dressing round it. They left.

Then a another lady and a limping man came through. He went through to threatre immediately. The lady started sobbing. I consoled her and gave her a tissue. She didn't say was wrong until she got on the phone and told the person on the line that he had a gunshot wound on his leg. Later, she told us of how the man who is her brother happened to have been in his stall last week Friday. Unfortunately, his stall was located near the scene of last Friday's bloody robbery at First Bank in Mile 12. Apparently, the last guy her brother spoke too and the 'Mallam' he have alms just before the shoot-out, were killed. He came out lucky with a leg gunshot wound.

When the bullet was removed, the Surgeon gave it to her and she showed a couple of us in the waiting room. I cringed! I've never seen a bullet before in my life! And here was me looking straight at one! I froze! The bullet was almost half the size of my index-finger in length!

This was what prompted the other lady in the waiting room to talk about the lady and the child with the blood stained clothes. Apparently, the lady and the child were occupants of the burnt bus on the bridge. Whilst waiting for another means of movement away from there, a knife-man appeared from nowhere and started stabbing her. As she tried to escape, she would run back to try and get her daughter who was on her own on the bridge - miracle she wasn't crushed to death! Eventually, she was able to get her and flee but not without severe stab wounds. All this occurred in broad day light!

Yet we are told crime is reducing! How? What yardstick are they using?

May we not be at the right place at the wrong time! Amen o!

Thats all readers.

Have a restful weekend!

Always & Always,

Moi (Real Life Content)

Naija Week 31 - Chopping A La Finger!‏

Hello Folks,

Here's another week's edition of my experiences / life in Las Giddy! Sorry o, lateness was due to being down to the use of ehm 9-fingers! Read On!

Enjoy!

1. Just some remainders from last week's posting! It wasn't difficult to know we were descending into Lagos from my flight from Abuja - the sights that greeted us from above where ones of rusted 'paanus' / 'roofs', brown coloured roads (obviously untarred, muddy) and yellow colours of danfos all over the place. At least if we don come from dat em Lekki side, e for no be like dat!

Also saw the Super Eagles coach - Berti Vogts at the baggage reclaim! He was looking red, casual and very ordinary! I never would have known or guessed it was him if not that someone mentioned it. I didn't see any red carpet treatments for him at the reclaim section either! Wetin the man do now?

2. Picture this: Chopping a la finger! At the weekend, I decided to do some cooking after months of eating out and believe me, I'm getting really tired of eating out everyday and also with the amount its costing me to do so. Anyway, on getting home that evening, I decided I will clean and prepare the 'fowls' I'd bought earlier only if NEPA brought back power supply. Surely, they did within 15minutes of making that wish. So, at around 10.45pm, I got round to the fowls after first sorting out the peppers. After cutting off the dual parts, I moved quickly to the backbone part where the urobo /irobo / furo - which other name now; ehm chicken ‘yansh’ dey, to cut. I raised the knife in readiness to hack the back in one go.

As I did this, na so I begin see red for sink! The knife had landed on my left thumb! I was in instant agony and my finger bled. With the impact of the knife on my finger, I knew it was severe but didn't know to what degree.

For the first time, I missed jand as the first thought that flew across my mind was to dial 999. Anyway, my first call was to jand sha as I just didn't have a clue what to do; more so as it was late at night. For some reason, none of my neighbours were around that night so I couldn't even call on them for help. So I began to make some calls – some people were not in town whilst some people were far from me and others already tucked up in bed.

Now this is Las Giddy, who wants to go out at that time of the day - so there went my first challenge. No one on the other side of the phone could picture the severity therefore offer for pick up to the hozy wasn't forthcoming but I knew I needed to get there.

As my finger continued to bleed and soak through the cloth round it, I started acting rational and the whole picture became surreal to me. I began to clean up the blood on the floor, tried to clean up the kitchen sink too. Even the chicken managed to make it back to the freezer without much ado!

Someone suggested submerging it in cold water - I witnessed the 'miracle of water turning into blood'! It was surreal!

After a while I just broke down in tears as the pain took a different turn. Finally help turned up, as my Uncle took me to the nearest hozy!

On getting to the hozy, it didn’t take much time to see a Doctor. Blood had dripped onto the floor such that after a while, he had to 'wear' a glove for my fingers which ended up collecting blood. I was referred to the theatre for stitches straight up.

On getting to the theatre, my finger had to be numbed via local anaesthetic. Before the man even start, I com dey look round like JJC, I com ask my Uncle say wetin dey won even sew for the finger sef? I ask am if this people even good! I tell the man say there was nothing to sew in my finger! The room no even resemble place wey dey won sew person finger. I com dey wonder if the thing dey won use never expire; and if the thing be genuine! In fact, I wonder about plenty things!

I will never forget the agonising pain I went through as the 'Stitcher' / Surgeon / Doctor (I no know which one the man be jare) injected the LA into my bleeding thumb. On the third jab into my finger, the light went out. I was in terrible pain, my finger still bleeding and NEPA struck - I had to stay still and wailed internally as my Uncle consoled me. The generator came on sha.

Meanwhile, little did I realise that the amount of blood oozing out of my finger, the pain I was going through coupled with the stitching needle going in and out of my finger was making my Uncle light-headed. He almost passed out so he was asked to lie on the bed as I was being attended to. An empty bin was now almost half way full with blood-soaked pieces of dressers used in trying to stop the blood - there was blood everywhere; apparently I had cut through my arteries / blood vessels!

Eventually the LA fully kicked in, so for the first time I was beginning to calm down, meanwhile my finger still bled away all through the stitching! He tried so hard to stop the bleeding but to no avail - my finger will eventually stop bleeding after almost 3hours since the cut and three main attempts to dress it!

Now wen my body don calm down, I come dey calm my Uncle too. I com notice the man in his ehm flip-flop/dunlop/ bathroom slippers! How com this people dey wear this kin thing for work? Na wa o!

Light went out a 2nd time! I com dey wonder wetin pregnant women wey dey inside labour room go do if light comot at the point of pushing - I can't just imagine this! And in both instances, it took a few minutes before light was re-instated!

Anyway, after sewing and re-sewing, the blood com stop. As we won leave the place, na so the pharmacist give me drugs, she com tell me say, I go take two injections. I tell am say I don take anti-tetanus from jand before coming, say I no need am. I hate injections o. Not even 1 injection but 2. Na im my Uncle com calm me say make I take am; im say I need dem. So the woman / nurse com direct us go one place like this wey look like 'shalanga' room. We knock. One woman answer, say make we come in. The woman / nurse sef dey scare me. Na 'ajankolokolo' hairstyle she carry for head - in dis day and age! Anyway sha, I just stand there as she dey prepare the needles. When I ask am where she go give me the injection, she com tell me, a whole lady like me say, make I give am my 'bumbum'! Can you imagine? She just rub the place and na stab she stab me o! In fact, that moment, I reach lower, middle and upper heaven! Oh, did I yell and cry or what! She stab me for hand too and com dey shout say make I take my hand rub my bumbum! Ha, no empathy, no compassion, no jack! I no fit waka after o, I com siddon for bench for a few good minutes before being able to proceed.

We prayed as we headed out. We encountered two police check points - they seemed genuine. We didn't have any issues - thank God! We got home at 2am!

What an experience! I never pray to go through or for anyone to go through this - it wasn't a funny experience. Still I am so grateful to God! I could have easily lost half of my thumb. I came off lightly using a brand new knife with the amount of pressure I'd applied or intended to apply to the chicken backbone.

By the way, what happened to the chopped off bit? I no know o! I think say I don pack am for bin when I was trying to be rationale cleaning up the kitchen! Its all good!

2. Day 156 - Picture this! I went back to the hozy for dressing. Ha, na Dr Cruella dress my finger o. Because my thumb had bled a bit before it stopped, the stitches had come stuck on the dressing and so couldn't come off easily. First, I dey blow grammar, na im I com change to Yoruba. The man com say to me - ha, so 'o gbo Yoruba'. You won't believe that whilst I was still delicately trying to remove it myself, still in much pain, the man literally yanked the dressing off. It was so not funny. The pain was much and I cried. I was so mad at him! So I told him not to touch my finger again and that I was not coming back to the hozy. You know what? He just covered it up and that was it! No apology, no pele, no nothing! He didn’t even say when my next appointment would be!

On my home, needed to refuel the car! As the driver engaged the fuel attendant, I noticed a van with a man in it packed parallel, the van was a ministry van labelled with 'Shalom Ministries' blah, blah. Also, noticed a woman nearby selling what seem to be some porno cards / pictures or something. The lady was now talking to the man and the man was staring at me. Somewhere in my mind, the whole scene was disjointed until I finally pieced it together. The guy was staring at me because he was talking to the lady with the dodgy pictures and thought I was unto him because he was driving a 'church vehicle'. When the lady left, he came out and offered me a tract booklet - said he wanted to bless me! I told him I didn't want it! Na wa ya o! Thou shalt not judge; I didn't judge!

Still on this day, I had to sack my driver after getting home and discovering that he'd marked my car on the house wall - 2nd car marking within 6 days of starting work, and didn't deem it fit to tell me. When confronted, he acted like he didn't know what I was talking about and I was thinking to myself that though I may be in pain - my brain isn't dulled to the extent that I would think a ghost had done it!

3. Day 157 - Heard about the 'Bar Beach' overflowing its bank the previous day. The 'guvnor' and his team even made an appearance! Saw his motorcade on my way to a meeting!

Also, heard about a place called 'Kuramo' on the Island and that a lot of 'evull' (evil) takes place there!

4. Day 158 - Heard on the radio that people will be fined for indecent dressing in Las Giddy! But exactly what constitutes that? My view is that they should go to all this top-notch places and arrest all the women that leave their bxxps hanging out of their clothes, habi! Then they should come and arrest us that like short-skirts! We have more pressing issues, yet someone is worrying about indecency! Money chopping no bi indecency too? Talk about misplaced priorities!

Have you heard of Kannywood? Thats Kano's version of Nollywood! Hmm, soon we would hear of Laggywood, Baddywood, Bujawood, Portywood, Warrywood and so on and so forth! The films from Portywood and Warrywood would be based on 'Oilywood'!

5. Day 159 - I go hozy again for dressing, dey take light 4times within the first 15 minutes wey I reach there! No comment!

6. I see 'Ireke' (Sugar cane) wey Mallam dey hawk for wheel-barrow! Jand people, when last you see Ireke? Me sef, no remember when last I see am or chop am!

I was unprivileged to board a cab with unwanted passengers - 'Eera' (habi, how I go spell am?) Ants in shorts. 'Twasn't pleasant. Wen I tell the cabbie, im tell me say e no know, say na even Oyinbo man im carry before me and dat the Oyinbo no complain! Exactly, wat is that supposed to mean? Of course, Oyinbo man go happy say im dey see 'zoo' creatures for free; black man no go happy because im dey live with and dey see these creatures daily!

And that’s all! Enjoy the rest of your week!

Always & Always,

Moi (Keeping It Real)