Hello Folks,
Here's another week's edition of my experiences / life in Las Giddy! Sorry o, lateness was due to being down to the use of ehm 9-fingers! Read On!
Enjoy!
1. Just some remainders from last week's posting! It wasn't difficult to know we were descending into Lagos from my flight from Abuja - the sights that greeted us from above where ones of rusted 'paanus' / 'roofs', brown coloured roads (obviously untarred, muddy) and yellow colours of danfos all over the place. At least if we don come from dat em Lekki side, e for no be like dat!
Also saw the Super Eagles coach - Berti Vogts at the baggage reclaim! He was looking red, casual and very ordinary! I never would have known or guessed it was him if not that someone mentioned it. I didn't see any red carpet treatments for him at the reclaim section either! Wetin the man do now?
2. Picture this: Chopping a la finger! At the weekend, I decided to do some cooking after months of eating out and believe me, I'm getting really tired of eating out everyday and also with the amount its costing me to do so. Anyway, on getting home that evening, I decided I will clean and prepare the 'fowls' I'd bought earlier only if NEPA brought back power supply. Surely, they did within 15minutes of making that wish. So, at around 10.45pm, I got round to the fowls after first sorting out the peppers. After cutting off the dual parts, I moved quickly to the backbone part where the urobo /irobo / furo - which other name now; ehm chicken ‘yansh’ dey, to cut. I raised the knife in readiness to hack the back in one go.
As I did this, na so I begin see red for sink! The knife had landed on my left thumb! I was in instant agony and my finger bled. With the impact of the knife on my finger, I knew it was severe but didn't know to what degree.
For the first time, I missed jand as the first thought that flew across my mind was to dial 999. Anyway, my first call was to jand sha as I just didn't have a clue what to do; more so as it was late at night. For some reason, none of my neighbours were around that night so I couldn't even call on them for help. So I began to make some calls – some people were not in town whilst some people were far from me and others already tucked up in bed.
Now this is Las Giddy, who wants to go out at that time of the day - so there went my first challenge. No one on the other side of the phone could picture the severity therefore offer for pick up to the hozy wasn't forthcoming but I knew I needed to get there.
As my finger continued to bleed and soak through the cloth round it, I started acting rational and the whole picture became surreal to me. I began to clean up the blood on the floor, tried to clean up the kitchen sink too. Even the chicken managed to make it back to the freezer without much ado!
Someone suggested submerging it in cold water - I witnessed the 'miracle of water turning into blood'! It was surreal!
After a while I just broke down in tears as the pain took a different turn. Finally help turned up, as my Uncle took me to the nearest hozy!
On getting to the hozy, it didn’t take much time to see a Doctor. Blood had dripped onto the floor such that after a while, he had to 'wear' a glove for my fingers which ended up collecting blood. I was referred to the theatre for stitches straight up.
On getting to the theatre, my finger had to be numbed via local anaesthetic. Before the man even start, I com dey look round like JJC, I com ask my Uncle say wetin dey won even sew for the finger sef? I ask am if this people even good! I tell the man say there was nothing to sew in my finger! The room no even resemble place wey dey won sew person finger. I com dey wonder if the thing dey won use never expire; and if the thing be genuine! In fact, I wonder about plenty things!
I will never forget the agonising pain I went through as the 'Stitcher' / Surgeon / Doctor (I no know which one the man be jare) injected the LA into my bleeding thumb. On the third jab into my finger, the light went out. I was in terrible pain, my finger still bleeding and NEPA struck - I had to stay still and wailed internally as my Uncle consoled me. The generator came on sha.
Meanwhile, little did I realise that the amount of blood oozing out of my finger, the pain I was going through coupled with the stitching needle going in and out of my finger was making my Uncle light-headed. He almost passed out so he was asked to lie on the bed as I was being attended to. An empty bin was now almost half way full with blood-soaked pieces of dressers used in trying to stop the blood - there was blood everywhere; apparently I had cut through my arteries / blood vessels!
Eventually the LA fully kicked in, so for the first time I was beginning to calm down, meanwhile my finger still bled away all through the stitching! He tried so hard to stop the bleeding but to no avail - my finger will eventually stop bleeding after almost 3hours since the cut and three main attempts to dress it!
Now wen my body don calm down, I come dey calm my Uncle too. I com notice the man in his ehm flip-flop/dunlop/ bathroom slippers! How com this people dey wear this kin thing for work? Na wa o!
Light went out a 2nd time! I com dey wonder wetin pregnant women wey dey inside labour room go do if light comot at the point of pushing - I can't just imagine this! And in both instances, it took a few minutes before light was re-instated!
Anyway, after sewing and re-sewing, the blood com stop. As we won leave the place, na so the pharmacist give me drugs, she com tell me say, I go take two injections. I tell am say I don take anti-tetanus from jand before coming, say I no need am. I hate injections o. Not even 1 injection but 2. Na im my Uncle com calm me say make I take am; im say I need dem. So the woman / nurse com direct us go one place like this wey look like 'shalanga' room. We knock. One woman answer, say make we come in. The woman / nurse sef dey scare me. Na 'ajankolokolo' hairstyle she carry for head - in dis day and age! Anyway sha, I just stand there as she dey prepare the needles. When I ask am where she go give me the injection, she com tell me, a whole lady like me say, make I give am my 'bumbum'! Can you imagine? She just rub the place and na stab she stab me o! In fact, that moment, I reach lower, middle and upper heaven! Oh, did I yell and cry or what! She stab me for hand too and com dey shout say make I take my hand rub my bumbum! Ha, no empathy, no compassion, no jack! I no fit waka after o, I com siddon for bench for a few good minutes before being able to proceed.
We prayed as we headed out. We encountered two police check points - they seemed genuine. We didn't have any issues - thank God! We got home at 2am!
What an experience! I never pray to go through or for anyone to go through this - it wasn't a funny experience. Still I am so grateful to God! I could have easily lost half of my thumb. I came off lightly using a brand new knife with the amount of pressure I'd applied or intended to apply to the chicken backbone.
By the way, what happened to the chopped off bit? I no know o! I think say I don pack am for bin when I was trying to be rationale cleaning up the kitchen! Its all good!
2. Day 156 - Picture this! I went back to the hozy for dressing. Ha, na Dr Cruella dress my finger o. Because my thumb had bled a bit before it stopped, the stitches had come stuck on the dressing and so couldn't come off easily. First, I dey blow grammar, na im I com change to Yoruba. The man com say to me - ha, so 'o gbo Yoruba'. You won't believe that whilst I was still delicately trying to remove it myself, still in much pain, the man literally yanked the dressing off. It was so not funny. The pain was much and I cried. I was so mad at him! So I told him not to touch my finger again and that I was not coming back to the hozy. You know what? He just covered it up and that was it! No apology, no pele, no nothing! He didn’t even say when my next appointment would be!
On my home, needed to refuel the car! As the driver engaged the fuel attendant, I noticed a van with a man in it packed parallel, the van was a ministry van labelled with 'Shalom Ministries' blah, blah. Also, noticed a woman nearby selling what seem to be some porno cards / pictures or something. The lady was now talking to the man and the man was staring at me. Somewhere in my mind, the whole scene was disjointed until I finally pieced it together. The guy was staring at me because he was talking to the lady with the dodgy pictures and thought I was unto him because he was driving a 'church vehicle'. When the lady left, he came out and offered me a tract booklet - said he wanted to bless me! I told him I didn't want it! Na wa ya o! Thou shalt not judge; I didn't judge!
Still on this day, I had to sack my driver after getting home and discovering that he'd marked my car on the house wall - 2nd car marking within 6 days of starting work, and didn't deem it fit to tell me. When confronted, he acted like he didn't know what I was talking about and I was thinking to myself that though I may be in pain - my brain isn't dulled to the extent that I would think a ghost had done it!
3. Day 157 - Heard about the 'Bar Beach' overflowing its bank the previous day. The 'guvnor' and his team even made an appearance! Saw his motorcade on my way to a meeting!
Also, heard about a place called 'Kuramo' on the Island and that a lot of 'evull' (evil) takes place there!
4. Day 158 - Heard on the radio that people will be fined for indecent dressing in Las Giddy! But exactly what constitutes that? My view is that they should go to all this top-notch places and arrest all the women that leave their bxxps hanging out of their clothes, habi! Then they should come and arrest us that like short-skirts! We have more pressing issues, yet someone is worrying about indecency! Money chopping no bi indecency too? Talk about misplaced priorities!
Have you heard of Kannywood? Thats Kano's version of Nollywood! Hmm, soon we would hear of Laggywood, Baddywood, Bujawood, Portywood, Warrywood and so on and so forth! The films from Portywood and Warrywood would be based on 'Oilywood'!
5. Day 159 - I go hozy again for dressing, dey take light 4times within the first 15 minutes wey I reach there! No comment!
6. I see 'Ireke' (Sugar cane) wey Mallam dey hawk for wheel-barrow! Jand people, when last you see Ireke? Me sef, no remember when last I see am or chop am!
I was unprivileged to board a cab with unwanted passengers - 'Eera' (habi, how I go spell am?) Ants in shorts. 'Twasn't pleasant. Wen I tell the cabbie, im tell me say e no know, say na even Oyinbo man im carry before me and dat the Oyinbo no complain! Exactly, wat is that supposed to mean? Of course, Oyinbo man go happy say im dey see 'zoo' creatures for free; black man no go happy because im dey live with and dey see these creatures daily!
And that’s all! Enjoy the rest of your week!
Always & Always,
Moi (Keeping It Real)
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