Naija Week 16

Hi Y'All,

Thank God for another week ending! Here's the highlights for my 4th month in Naija! Yes, 4 months tomorrow in Las Giddy! Its been trying times I tell you but hey I guess they say there's no place like home! Hmm!

Thanks for the emails of encouragement to keep the blogs coming! Here it is for Week 16!

Enjoy!

1. Picture this - Went out before 8am last Saturday before the commencement of the 8am to 5pm 'voting curfew' - its only in Naija that you have to literally budget a whole month or more for voting and still have outstanding issues after all that t ime allocation! Anyway, as I was 2minutes to my destination, we got to a junction full of army officials flagging down vehicles et al.

One of them came to my window and asked where I was going, I innocently replied that I was going down the road to see a friend for the day. Then he started shouting for the driver to park the car and give him the key. E say, we go stay there till 5 o'clock, say next time wen govment say make people no comot from their house, dey go obey the rules blah blah. He took the car key, in fact he removed it from the ignition without waiting for the driver. So I just got down and stood on one side. As I stood there, others where being accosted and told to park their cars once they seem not to have a 'valid' reason for movement.

In the same vain, some okadas and vehicles where allowed to drive on - I saw some people just literally wave their 'hands' or something and where allowed to go. Flashing siren vehicles - marked and unmarked went past whilst ordinary people like us waited helplessly. I saw them beat people up with kobokos, even an old man because he was arguing with them - they were on the verge of deflating his tyres until another army man intervened. Then my driver tried to have a word with one of them, and he came back saying they were asking for 'settlement' - told my driver I didnt have any money to pay anyone. Then two okada men were told to stop. On stopping, their leader told these men to lie in muddy, grimmy water on the road, after kicking them around abit. I couldn't believe my eyes as I thought it was all shakara at first. The okada men first sat in the infested water and I thought that would be the end but they were told to lie in a supine position in it. The height of inhumanity - I was horrified to the bones.
Suddenly, I realised that the people that had been rounded up where leaving the place gradually - I guess after 'settling' them!

As I stood there waiting 40minutes on and silently praying, I knew there was no part of the 'animals' psyche that was worth appealing too! A sight I didn't want to witness was them shooting in the air for any reason! Then their leader called me. He said I was already frowning even before he said anything to me. Me? Frown keh, with animals in sight armed to the teeth! I told him I wasnt frowning blah, blah, that I was sorry I was on the road at 8am but that I was only a couple of minutes away from my destination. I told him I came home to serve my country and that this was the treatment being meted for being late by 2minutes. Then he asked, where I'd come from - I told him. Then he said he would let me go only because I apologised and that I should give his boys and himself 'something' and then I could be off. So I dug into my bag and gave him the money I had on me. My first 'bribe' in Naija!

As we got back in the car, he told me that I could leave my destination before 5pm that he would let me go through when coming back - I told him that it was ok but that I will wait till the curfew lifted but as he insisted I just agreed to it. Then I asked him if I could plead for the men still lying in the muddy water; my God you should have seen the way the animal changed his eyes! He blurted out asking me to repeat myself and that we should park the car blah, blah; then one of his officers said that I wanted to cry for them. I guess when he realised that his oga was about to blow off or something he winked at me from behind not to say anything. I told him it was nothing and was eventually let off.

On getting to my destination, I first had to let out the tears that had welled up in my eyes firstly for the inhumanity I had just witnessed and secondly for the experience. This na real wa o!

2. My Uncle was robbed last week - twice in two months. He was a second away from home and decided to make some essential purchase at 9.15pm before going into his estate. Whilst he and others were being robbed in the store, they heard gunshots outside. An 18year old was hit and killed, whilst his driver was shot at thrice but his 'amulet' prevented penetration. So in desperation and probably annoyance, one of the robbers went to fetch a machete and hacked me on his head. By the time my Uncle emerged from the store oblivious of what had gone on outside, his driver was drenched in blood saying to him 'oga dey don kill me o'! He was rushed to a nearby hospital and now recovering - thank God. The reason of his attack was because he was trying to prevent them from taking my Uncle's car - but they eventually succeeded in nicking the 6-month old car which is yet to be found. One of the things that spooked me about this incidence was that I was at the vicinity of this / even in this same store when I was at his place at the weekend - there on Friday, robbed on Tuesday!

However, the irony of Naija is that people quickly dust off their bad experiences and move on with life; needless to say I was abit miffed for some days when I heard of the incidence!

Thank God for his ever faithful mercies!

3. Saw a molue at Obalende load up passengers then reverse back onto 3rd mainland bridge, in order not to have to go ahead to turn round as appropriate. Reversal into a busy bridge! Twice I've seen the same molue do just this! Where is the word safety in all of this! Doesn't exist!

4. There's been a dramatic improvement in electricity supply at home since the elections took place. Looks like it was a pre-election punishment of the 'mekunnu' (common-man)!

5. Day 76 - Witnessed a bloody street-brawl in daylight between a driver in a company car and someone else! This is were you say - 'odiqwa very serious in Ibo'! Yes o, learning to speak Ibo by attempting to master a new word / phrase every day!

6. Day 78 - Whilst stuck in traffic going home at night, I saw some policemen in their van all decked up in black 'ray ban' sunglasses! Here's me staring at them wondering what they could see in the dark armed with their guns! Talk about fashion statement on another level!

7. I personally think that there's more European footie madness with Naija people than their counterparts over there. You should see the way people react when matches are on, how they gather around roads / stores to watch matches and then commentate after the match is over! Unbelievable! You will think that they get paid for their interests or opinions!

8. Most banks in Naija have a colour code! The most the men can wear in certain banks are white and blue shirts; whilst the women are limited to the greys, blacks, browns and one or two pastel colours of these world! What an injustice! In fact, I had someone tell me that you'll get turned back to go home from the gate if you turn up in an 'un-supported' colour. My God, can I work in such an environment? Also, you can't have colours other than black in your hair! Now you know it will take the absolute grace of God for me to be able to work in such an environment! Some of you know what I'm on about - I think I will just fall sick from having my usual 4/5 coloured corn-row hairstyles down to a boring black colour! Really an injustice to creativity!

9. On a lighter note - some toasters are becoming very daring these days! They've never known or met you before yet they begin to refer to you at the point of toasting 'as the love of their life'! Surely, there's something I'm missing here or am I that out of the game?

Yep, there are some on the go but none of interest, so keep the prayers up my people :)

10. Guess, what I saw the other day? Phensic! Didn't even know it still existed! Then there's Omo, Blue-Band still going. Another observation is that I've heard a few Okada cyclist blasting 'Apala' music whilst in motion! Now, thats Naija for real!

Take care all and have a fantastic weekend. May God continue to keep us all safe and sound!

Always as Always,

Lola in Las Giddy Keeping It Real!