Naija Week 18

Hiya,

Sorry for the delay; I got a bit under the weather towards the end of last week, hence why I couldn't publish it on Friday as usual! Was battling severe stress moving to Naija; possible malaria outbreak and the effects of driving through that manic traffic for 2 days!

Thank you all so much for the readership and encouragement. Its amazing how many responses I don't get when published, yet get when I fail to publish as scheduled on Fridays! Thanks a bunch and do keep the comments coming via emails and more importantly to the blog site!

Love Y'All!

Enjoy!

1. In a typical Las Giddy traffic jam you can make the following purchase: you can buy something to freshen your breath; food to eat like bread and butter; sponge to bathe; clothes to wear; slippers for footwear; drinks to quench your thirst; books to read; towel and hankies to wipe sweat; wristwatch for timekeeping; nightgown for napping; fruits for balanced diet; something to beautify your abode; toys and games for the family; iron and ironing board for fresh looks; do charitable works - alms giving; all these in one traffic spot! If you can buy all these in traffic, why bother going to the stores! In short, you can get everything you need to survive/ live from a Lagos traffic! This can only happen in Naija!

2. As some of you know, I've been having some driving health challenges for a while now, hence the non-attempt to even brace the 'Lagos' traffic for any reason. Anyway, I was all dressed up for church service to discover that the driver had not turned up. On the 2nd attempt at calling him he answers my call. I asked where he was and he told me categorically that 'he was in his house resting'! He'd decided to give himself the day off and didn't even have the decency to let me know or even ask if it was ok. So, here I was confused whether I should 'fashy' church or take a cab. I even tried to call the old office driver but he was nowhere near me. In anger and desperation, I told myself that I was going to drive down and that that was the last time any driver will hold me to ransom in Lagos! So, drove I! I went to church and even went elsewhere after wards before heading home. The irony of this trip was that one of the things that had put me off Las Giddy driving was the manic driving. As soon as I hit the highway when I was going in the morning, vehicles began to turn back on themselves. I was panic stricken wondering what was going on. As I wanted to turn back too, I tried to convince myself that perhaps God didn't want me to make the journey but I knew that if I turned back, it will take alot more time and effort to summon up the courage again. So I kept at it, drove through the chaos and got to church. Strangely the service started late which worked out to my advantage.

So it was with this courage that when the back up driver and regular driver didn't show up on 'critical' Monday morning that I got in the car and psyched myself that I was driving to work. I initially considered all my options - take a cab and get my white shirt blackened before I got to work, get beaten by rain et al . And thats what I did! I maintained one lane all through stuck at 50 kmh; so when a BRT bus came hooting for me to get off the lane - I just remained dignified and did not move away.

I'm sure they were all cursing me by the time the driver finally decided to overtake me, after I put on my hazard lights and stopped moving! Did just the same on Tuesday too when the driver still didn't show up!

I made it to work and back in one piece. Thank God! Never take anything for granted, even the smallest of chores in life!

3. Oh, I forgot to mention also that on the unforgettable Day 84 last week, my day started off with my one and only handset dropping into aqua first thing in the morning. It took half the day to finally revive it - thank God for Sony Ericcson make! Thats the only reason I've stuck with this make for so long - seems to bounce back well from dropping in fluids (notice I used the word fluid - you sure do not want to know where else my phones have dropped in the past)!

4. Picture this: Rat poison advertisers usually carry 'dead rats' to advertise their wares in Las Giddy traffic! Very unsightly! Anything goes here to make a sale!

5. Ha, na so, d oga patapata com send one yeye email wey vex me and my oga on Day 87! Anyway, wen e com see say na anger make im send d email and dat e for no even use dat tone, na im e com invite me and two of my oga go restaurant. We go chop lunch for OceanView o! I com tell myself say make d oga dey vex all d time jare so dat he go dey take us go OceanView to render im apology! Don't you just love Naija for what it stands for!

6. Naija fashion don humble me o. Be rest assured someone, somewhere in Naija has at least a precious item you may have in your wardrobe! I used to thrive on knowing that my stuffs were exclusive, but men, the amount of things that were exclusive to me in jand is not exclusive here o! Babes dey shop!

7. Can you picture or remember this? The heavens opened up during the week and guess what sounds I heard as I went past some ponds? Sounds of croaking frogs and toads - I'm sure some of you don't even remember that these animals still exist!

8. Was I complaining about being fined last week for taking the 1-way? Guess what, I witnessed someone's brand new car being towed about 7.30am on Day 88! It was not a funny sight nor conversation going on between the occupants of the vehicle and enforcement / towing agents. Thank God for his mercies - someone else is usually worse off in every situation we moan about!

9. Witnessed yet another brawl - in fact, two this time around; there seems to be a lot of that going on at the moment, habi now S.A.D?

Anyway, the interesting thing about one of the brawls on Day 89 was that one of the men began to hold his 'manhood' - no kidding! It was like he was about to use it as his weapon of war. If I was going to translate the saga, here would be my take on it: I felt the guy was using the possible size of his manhood to threaten the other guy on how mercilessly he was about to fail or win the fight! Or, he could have been swearing, using it as his point of oath; or cursing him; or rubbishing the other guy's masculinity! Only God knows!

And thats it folks! Have a pleasurable week!

Always & Always,

Lola (Still here 'Keeping It Real'!)