Naija Week 7

Read on!

1. Lagos now has a BRT lane (don’t even know what it stands for) - equivalent of our bus lane in jand and motorists are meant to steer clear of the lane. So far, I am yet to see them enforce the lane to be motorist-free. There aren’t enough lanes or roads and they are trying to imbibe western culture. Where is the sense in common-sense?
Did I just hear myself say I am beginning to get used to Lagos traffic? Hmmmmmmmmmm!

2. Saw a man using a cup to get water out of the gutter to bathe. Really sad!

3. Saw a massive crowd somewhere on Sunday only to discover that it was the Chelsea vs Arsenal match that they were watching with keen attention, covering the road in the process. Hepele o Gunners!

4. My brother was robbed on Sunday before noon, on his way to Ogbomosho to write his semester exams. The robbers were disguised as police officers. Whilst every dime on him and his friend were taken, none of their belongings or even mobile phones were taken. His friend got some severe beaten however. Thank God for his mercies - there’s always room for thanksgiving in all situations.

5. One of my work people was robbed on her way to work on day 31 around 7am. Everything in her possession was stolen. The robber was disguised as an okada driver. What a way to start the week!
In all of these, I choose to remain unmoved and continue to trust God for his protection!

6. In the same vain, just heard that three of my other work colleagues from a different department were robbed last Friday. The car in front of them was being attacked so they fled their car in desperation leaving everything to the whims of the dare-devil okada robbers. It is well indeed!

7. My Oga took off to lahlah land this afternoon - day 33. If Oga dey sleep, wetin omoshe go do? Answer = omoshe go go toilet go snooze too. Dat na wetin I do o my people wen d sleep refuse to comot from my eyes!

8. We now have new N5, N10, N20 & N50 notes. I can’t say that they look fab!

9. Paid my first employee salary at month end. That just means I’m now a fully certified ‘madam’!

10. You need to see the state of the ’so-called’ Lagos rescue vehicles! When in action, you will wonder who is supposed to be rescuing who! The vehicles are derelict! They look like an amalgamation of rejects!

11. Went for a meeting mid week and this chap asked me if I was a marketer or technical. I said I was technical. He couldn’t believe it and more or less started arguing with me. I told him his comments were chauvinistic and that looks were very deceptive. He asked for what I studied, what certifications I had, where I studied - in short a million and one questions. My boss had to interject in his native tongue to tell him a thing or two about my expertise! What a male dominated …..!

12. Bought a pack of cereal for brekkie and it only lasted for 4 days! I just can’t account for its whereabouts! Yeah right!

13. Got home the earliest ever on day 33 at 6.30pm. My sister-in-law was so panicked when she saw me - her first question was to find out if something was wrong! Such is Lagos traffic and what it does to your psychic!

14. Saw an Oyinbo man driving with a Naija passenger by his side! E be like say dey don dey reverse role small small!

15. Experienced my first hit and run. A car hit us on day 33 and before any of us in the car could say jjjjjaaaaccckkk…., he drove off. I was mad! Not so much because of the damage but because he acted like we were stupid. He has definitely sown a very, very bad seed!

16. Picture this: day 35! A radio presenter saw an ad in a newspaper. It was a gigolo that had placed the ad for his services, so they decided to wind him up. Remember a few backs when I said that there were corporate gigolos in Naija! Anyway, one of the ladies at the station called him up on air and asked about his services - he was very explicit, some comments had to be censored; the cost - about N50k per night; clientele - apparently alot of patronage and so on. He even screamed on air to demonstrate levels of pleasure! Eventually the male presenter came onto the conversation pretending to be the ladies husband. She told him to lie that he was her business supplier and the guy lied so seamlessly - it was surreal. Then they decided to let him know it was a wind up so he hung up quickly. Later on they called him back for closure to find out why and what had driven him to this business. This guy is a graduate of Marketing and feels that he is providing a service with no moral obligation! That it is not illegal and also not hurting anyone. This is what Naija has become!

17. Still on day 35 - had a lady presenter announce on air that they will be going offline shortly because of a need to do a power supply change-over! NEPA / PHCN is just a national disgrace. I have totally given up now on the idea of having power supply when I’m at home or in the office! Na wa o!

18. My Gawd! I saw some cats in a house compound on the Island. These cats are the skinniest I have ever seen in my life. They looked like they were on ’Aitkins’ diet! Dis na the only explanation I fit give!

Thats all folks. Been a trying week! 7 weeks in Naija now and still counting! Have a splendid weekend!


Take care as always.
Lola