Naija Week 11

Howdy Y'All,

Here's all I have for this week! Your comments will be most welcome at the blog site! Cheers!

1. Nigerians are oppressors! There are places you visit that you won't believe that you are in Naija! Even Oyinbo no say na the truth I dey tell!

2. Went to the cinema for the first time since I arrived in Las Giddy! It was an experience and definitely better than what you get in jand. The AC was so sharp I was chilled to the bones. Even the seats were heavenly!

3. Currently going through a challenge that I thought was only peculiar to jand! Na wa sha. God dey!

4. Lagos drivers seem subdued when driving at night!

5. I witnessed drrrrrrrrrrooooooooooollllllllllliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggggg first hand! Dont ask me on what!

6. Day 51 - The heavens opened up on Monday morning! Saw an overturned Honda jeep on the 3rd Mainland Bridge. Traffic was chaotic. Some people got into work almost 2/3 hours late!

7. Cried for the 1st time since I came down on day 51. Just when I thought my tears well had dried up. Its all good sha!

8. Seen more plasma TVs here than in jand. Its in fashion in every nook and cranny! Also seen more designer accessories on people in Las Giddy than I ever did in jand! I tell you, everyone is almost a fashion police in their own right! Na so I go price one 'G' shoes for shop. I run comot when I heard the price and did pound conversion in my mind, yet this is what Naija babes buy daily like they are buying from 'Bata'!

9. Anyone for herbal remedies? 'Agbo' is hawked on the streets openly. Abeg forget 'Forever Living'!

10. Opened up the tear well again on day 52 - just kinda feeling down. I'm kool! Ended up at the cinema after work to diffuse.

11. Got a business call from one of our clients at 6am the other day. Can you imagine the abuse of time!

12. Naija redefines peer pressure. Peer pressure is on a different level here! Forget the kind of pressure they talk about in jand - they should come to Naija to get their definition!

13. I have not had a decent night sleep for almost two weeks now. Don't know why I'm awake by 2am most nights!

14. Picture this: Day 53. I had the 'unfortunate' reason of getting a cab to work - going downmarket as one of my faithful readers calls it. As soon as I got in, na swarm of 'yumuyumus' greet me! My God! Just when I thought my blood was now stale. Na so I come dey fight to kill and chase out as many as I could.

During the course of this trip, na so we come enter hold-up and sleep dey catch me. I com decide to answer nature call. As I dey snooze sha, na so one yeye man just come near my window dey beg for money. You should have seen how startled I was! I looked up to see a man with 'kata n furu - missing teeth' grinning at me and telling me sey e no bi tif o, but he jus wan make I help am with anytin I get! Sleep comot for my eyes quick quick! Ha! Na wa!

Also, after all the previous episodes of getting in a cab and my clothes turning black by the time I got to my destination, I decided to wear black all through for this journey! And guess what? It paid off, as I was wiping off layers of soot from my face and legs by the time I got to the office.

15. On my way into work, I saw some 'Oyinbos' in 'lala land' whilst being driven to their destination! In the same vein, I saw a 'police anti-bomb squad' vehicle'! Wetin dey happen o?

16. Still on day 53 on my way back from work, I got a lift from a colleague who dropped me off at Ikeja. I had to walk through Ikeja market or so, fearing a million and one okadas from hitting me; also fearing being pushed into gutters as I walked through to where I could board a cab. It was such a traumatic experience!

17. I have an unaccountable number of insect / mosquito bite marks on my body - downside of wearing sleeveless or any such. Its the most I've witnessed since I came to Las Giddy!

18. A friend mentioned how a 'danfo' driver continued driving with 3 tyres and a rim after one of the tyres flew off whilst on 3rd mainland bridge. Trust me, we get real stunts here in Naija!

19. Day 54: I just could not face going into work after yesterday's experience moreso after my brother dropped another bombshell.

20. He was robbed again this time around losing everything he had on him - his phones, good amount of cash, brand new Sony Vaio laptop which he is even yet to pay for, et al. Robbed in February; robbed in March again! The irony of this was that I had gone through the same spot about 30/40 minutes earlier and couldn't understand why there was such traffic at that time of the day! God is merciful!

What the heck is happening in this country of ours? There's less home robberies but more road robberies in Lagos now - there's been a spate of these lately! It grieved my heart. I was down and out; perplexed and distressed; pained and irked; which other grammar can I use to describe my feelings? It is well!

21. Went through 'Oshodi' for the first time in my life on Day 53! I thought all there was to it was just the market!

22. Its amazing what frustration will make you do! I tried to get a cab down to a shopping precinct just a few miles down the road. The cab drivers were quoting prices that they should spanked for - it was just ridiculous. So out of desperation, I went back home to take the car as a do or die affair. I had not driven since I came to Las Giddy - some of you know why! Moreso, I have not even tried driving righthand in almost 16years or so. So, I got in the car, fiddled with it and drove. Got to my destination in one piece, even hooted a few times for 'the nuisance Okadas' to move out of my way! I got back home in one piece although clipping my mirror when I was 30seconds from home. I suddenly felt empowered; my brother was proud of me!

23. Picture this: Day 55! Since I came, this week has been the only time I've observed the most of 'NEPA' supplied light. So when the generator went out of fuel this morning, much to my delighted prayer, NEPA was gracious to us within 5minutes. As I walked going 'downmarket', the street lights were on - it was glorious and nouveau experience! It felt surreal! In fact, as I approached the cab rank, I saw a cab come by and I whistled ' in the Naija way' to beckon to the driver - it worked; he stopped. He mentioned his price and I immediately halved it. He said no, so I called his bluff - do shakara; he called me back - another winner!

For a change, I didnt wait for a single second, so there was no opportuntiy for soot to descend on me unlike the other day. Also, because the roads were lit, it was easier to spot the cab unlike previous times, when you can only more or less spot cabs by virtue of them having headlights or not! Yes, thats true. If you are standing in a dim area, don't even bother trying to stop any vehicle with full lights on, it will never be a Las Giddy Cab! If you see a vehicle with little or no lights, then it is more than likely to be a cab!

Anyway, the cab was clean; the winders and the locks worked; the seats were still intact with similar upholstery - I know why I'm saying this - no be, iya o ba babatan! It even had a working radio cassette player, so the driver from time to time alternated between radio and playing songs from his collection! At every opportunity he had, he was on almost 120mph - my God, just when I thought my driver over-speeds at 80mph! In short, he was a cousin of the dare-devil drivers and I was having PA's! He meandered and meandered through traffic in an unbelievable manner. Then I com dey regret say I haggle to half price, becos e com be like say he dey try to hurry back make e make d money wey he no fit chop from me! His driving got me to work in 1hour and 5minutes - record breaking! Guess wat? Na 'Ibo' man o!

24. Lagos will make you a believer if you don't believe in God. You need God on a micro by micro second basis, because you suddenly realise at times that you are at the mercy of others!

25. Heard that two Nollywood actors - Francis Agu and Tom West died recently - very tragic!

26. Wrote out my first 7-digit cheque ever .. I don becom ................

In short, this has been the most emotionally trying and traumatic week for me since I came to Naija!

Enjoy your weekend!

Always & Always,

Lola

RLC (Real Life Content)