Naija Week 9

Howdy Y’all,

Looking forward to your comments!

1. Had 3 square meals for the 2nd time in 8 weeks over the weekend! Still talking about the weekend, I was at my Uncle’s and his estate had electricity supply for almost the entire duration of my visit, except for about 15minutes of downtime. I just couldn’t believe my eyes that NEPA could be so kind! It turns out that some top-shots live in the estate hence the reason why residents are enjoying almost UPS! Fingers no equal o. Now me sef wan defect to this estate o !

2. Heard that PHCN (new name for NEPA) means Problem Has Changed Name! Very true! Just changed name but service is at its crappiest level ever!

3. Also heard that PDP means People Deceiving People and AC means Alliance for Corruption! No comment!

4. Picture this: for the life of me, I don’t recollect how I remembered the name ‘Akpan’ and ‘Eze’ (Eze goes to School!)! Does anyone still name their child ‘Akpan’ these days? Everybody dey do Jordan, JayZ, David, Nathan! Why you jand people no dey name your child Akpan? U dey opt for funky name! Don’t forget your root o!

5. Had the unnecessary reason to take a cab for a seminar on Day 41. By the time I got to my destination which should have technically taken 15minutes, it took 3 sheets of moist tissue paper to wipe my face and neck clean from black to an acceptable colour, till the next shower time! My shirt was not anywhere near the colour it was when I wore it! Ridiculous! I shouldn’t have even bothered having a shower before setting out!
Cab Rule #1 - Never wear any light coloured fabric. Stick to the blacks, greys or dark blues; the dirt acquired during your cab ride will not be very evident!

6. Seeing ‘foreigners’ on Okada is suddenly no longer a shocking sight for me! Saw one the other day where both the driver and passenger were foreigners!

7. Picture this: Day 41 seminar. The seminar was held at the Sheraton. At 12noon, people were still strolling in for a seminar that started at 8.30am. Mobile phones were a constant distraction! During the tea break, I saw a chap using his teaspoon to drink his tea, I mean feeding himself! Also saw another drink his tea with the spoon in the cup and when he was done he poured what had found its way onto the saucer back into the cup and drank it! Lunch time was buffet time - my God, buffet is never a good idea in a Naija setting. People ignored the starters and went straight for mountains on their plates. It was an alarming sight! Then I overheard probably one of the hotel managers that they were only expecting 20 participants but that there were almost double that number. Look like say some people don do ‘mo gbo, mo ya’! Na wa ya o. Some Naija people just lack the word ‘etiquette’, but then I can’t blame them etiquette na french word!

8. Had a first bout of ill-health - better now! But men, the realisation of not having my beloved GP to run to hit me for the first time since I came here! I miss jand o!

9. You can spot an ‘authentic’ Lagos chic by the state of the heels of her footwear! I have seen some sorry sights!

10. I’ve come to know more places in Lagos in two months than I ever did before I left for jand! Blame my folks! Now I know Obalende, Sandgrouse, Oyingbo et al.

11. Heard these surnames: Anishulowo (We get money for hand; habi na We get yam for hand?) and Owobamirin (Money dey walk with me / Money dey waka with me)! Nawa o! Talk about literal names!

12. Radio Ibon on Day 43! A whole ‘Dan Foster’ said …..’He should have came to Lagos’…. I think say he don undergo proper Naija baptism! Haba, a whole ‘Americana dey blow ibon for radio!

13. One of my days these week was a very quiet one. I was down and out; stressed and without energy; fighting ill-health; lacked the zeal for work and felt utterly demotivated. At the end of the day, one of my team members said he would pray extra hard for me that night so that I would start cracking them up again at the office; another said he wanted the ‘bubbly’ me back; another said the whole office was not the same without me; another said I livened up the place and that my quietness made everyone else quiet. I think Naija has turned me to a noise maker o! All this one about being quiet, a bi introvert keh! Which of you people out there no agree with me?

14. Its only in this Lagos that you will see lorries carrying huge containers without restrain! So it wasn’t surprising to hear that one turned on its side onto some cars during the week! May God help us!

15. Day 44 - heard a radio presenter or so refer to ‘Illegal Immigrants’ as ‘Illegal Aliens’! Hmmm, na person don become alien because dem dey for someone else country! Habi, dem don change body component too?

And thats it for this week. Have a splendid weekend!

Keeping it real in Naija!


Its moi, Lola!