2 Years Don Reach!

Hello All,
Happy New 2009! Thank God for His enduring mercies and His love for us to be able to grace this New Year. Remember Dears, that all things will be possible to you if you will believe, in this 2009.

Oh what a long time o! My last posting was way back in October 2008! I clocked two years (date- wise) in Las Giddy today! Can you just believe that? I’m not sure I can believe it just yet! All I can say in summary is that God has been faithful, good, loving, merciful, kind, gracious et al!
I certainly hope that you enjoy this piece!

Read On!

1. Picture this: Na im I go salon one day to remove my ‘join-join’. The lady com ask me why hair miss for my head. I com dey wonder which kin question be dis. Na im she com take my hand say make I put my finger for one part of my head. My people na skin I touch o! Someone don scrape my hair! My God!

To date, I’d been very careful about which salons I go to for service. It turned out that I’d had a hair accident at one of the so-called posh salons of GRA. This was the only salon I will visit to remove any attachments whatsoever; so in my prior visit there, I guess the lady must have accidentally shaved me whilst using blade to cut the threads of the weave-on being removed.

I realised getting angry would have been a futile effort because the deed had been done! When I went back to confront them, all they could offer was an apology! So much for service! Meanwhile their services don’t come cheap!

I still go there every now and then because they have newer hands now, but then, they tread ever so carefully with me when I’m there! One thing I’ve discovered is that a lot of the hair-dressers are so misguided; they feel knowing how to dress hair is the key! That was how one of them from the same salon ill-advised me that I needed to be ‘re-touching every six weeks’ until it got to a point late last year that I literally started suffering hair loss – had to chop down the length of my hair significantly for new life!
I’m open to other salon suggestions o!

2. Picture this: Yet another salon story! After much manicuring and pedicuring, I suddenly discovered that the sole of my feet and the surrounding areas of my feet have been scarred from various episodes of these services! I vowed to stop having pedicures for the foreseeable future after the last episode I encountered. The lady to do it was moody when I got there. After trying my best to cheer her up and she continued to give me ‘attitude’ I told the salon manager that they should get someone else to carry out the pedicure for me. After a few minutes of some in-house deliberation, the manager came back to me and pleaded on her behalf and that of the salons’, that she will buckle up and that she will carry out the pedicure seeing she was one of the ‘good hands’!

To cut the long story short, you won’t believe I came out wounded. She had ‘knowingly’ or ‘unknowingly’ used her instrument to cut me; and this was after I had beckoned and pleaded with her to go gently on my skin! It took over a week for the wound to heal and I remain scarred to date over this!

Then I suddenly, I discovered that all the salons I’ve attended over these couple of years use blade to scrape the soles of our feet. It’s taken me this long to realise that my feet are not any better from this! I have marks all over my feet – there’s another one I remember now; after being cut with the cuticle thing and the bleeding stopped, my ‘biggie toe’ had turned black by the next time I was over for a polish change! In fact, there were times after having a pedicure that my feet will become so sore that I won’t be able to walk properly! Plus, all the ‘other blade’ accidents I’ve endured! Na waya o!

I don’t think I’ve found the perfect salon yet o; and this is after having at least 4 in my list that I visit for different services!

3. Picture this o! Yet another, other salon tori! Na so, I go won ‘gbogbo’ ero salon one day! Dis place no get generator, na im ‘Nepa’ com do de ting wey dem know how to do well well!

You won’t believe that all the candidates due for the hair-dryer at the point the light was taken got fanned to dryness! The hair dressers literally took makeshift hand fans to fan out the wetness from peoples’ hair!

You want innovation? Dis one na original Las Giddy innovation o!

4. One of the things I can’t get my head round is the dilution of washing-up liquids! Most houses I’ve been to usually have their washing-up liquids over diluted to the point of uselessness!

I wonder what the science is behind this act! Longevity perhaps?

5. Picture this: Swollen dead dog spotted around the ‘odun’ period with a few people milling around the carcass! Your guess is as good as mine regarding what kind of deliberations may have been taking place at that point in time. For me sha, I feel say those people dey tank God say ‘404’ don land be dat o!

6. Picture this: An observed Las Giddian phenomenon – Men Bleaching! I’ve seen loads of bleached men over the last few months! Just wondering why the sudden surge! Habi, na me no see dem before? No be women dey do dis kin thing before? E be like say de coke and fanta fashion don com around again! E no good o!

Habi, wetin you think my people?

7. I encountered my first dodgy mechanic recently when my car developed a fault after refuelling the AC with gas! My instincts told me he was a ‘no gooder’ but his sudden appearance just somehow prevented me from just stepping back next door to where the refuelling had taken place! Thankfully, it was day time and the fault developed within the confines of a shopping mall environment.

The dodgy chap after wasting my time for about 2hours tied one piece of rubber from one point to another and said he had fixed the fault; and charged me for that and I had to pay! On popping back to the place of the initial work, the first thing that was taken off was the piece of rubber! Ha, Las Giddians!

8. Picture this: Dire Las Giddy Traffic Lights! I was on my way out the other day and the light was green and definitely green so there was no reason for my turn not to happen. As I approached the set of lights, it was still green but with only a few yards left to negotiate the bend, the light suddenly turned RED! Red and not amber and I literally had to slam on the brakes because our dear ol’ LASTMA people were at hand to catch any offenders but more importantly Lagos traffic light timings are so bad that at the same time one is turning red, another one is changing state simultaneously.

By the time I stopped and was still trying to compose myself, traffic had started flowing in all other directions! Certainly, Las Giddy no be the kin place wey person go want to ‘ja ina’! May God help us!

9. NEPA (ehm no, dem be PWCN – Power Withholding Corporation of Nigeria) never change im skin! Light situation remains terrible in my axis! And even when there’s supply, the current is so low, equipments barely work!

10. Picture this: I finally accepted that I had become a ‘Las Giddian’ when the police tried to stop me recently and I didn’t stop for them. It was late morning and during the festive season; they were all out to milk as much money out of the populace as possible. There certainly was no reason to have been stopped; their profiling skills were at work. So when I was signalled to move to a corner to stop, whilst I did slow down, I just drove off o with ‘ogboju’!

11. Harmattan has been down in all of its glory with hot weather and dustiness! I think I could trade for some cold weather right now to beat down on the amount of heat rashes that have plagued me!

Lemme know if you wanna trade okay!

12. Picture this: My landie don hint say rent go increase by up to N250k per year! Dat na part of de price person dey pay for dis place with no regulation! Ask me my people, whether e don write dat one down for contract before! E no write nothing o, in fact, I neva even sign contract almost two years on!

Wetin person go do now?

13. Picture this: Lying Drivers! Why is that most 9ja drivers at the point of not wanting to return to work will say that their mothers are ill and will need to pay them a visit after ‘salary’ collection? Why? And that’s just with those that have a lil’ bit of integrity! Others will just suddenly stop turning up to work!

Kindly provide ya answers and other comments at http://lola-life-in-lagos.blogspot.com/

14. Picture this: Christmas Craze over Sulia kan! Aiyetoro kan! Gbogbo awon ‘bisgs’ girls and ‘bisgs’ boys went crazy for Jenifa Part 1 & 2; well really part 2 over the festive season. It was a time I saw ‘designer donning’ guys; impeccably English speaking, top achievers scramble around Las Giddy for Jenifa Part 2! It was like this was the movie of the day and of the season in a lot of households around and on Christmas day.

Guess their release time strategy worked! I tell you the Yoruba sector of the Nollywood industry is on another level.

Well done Funke Akindele! Kudos! And if you are yet to watch it – where have you been? Go grab your copy now!

Sulia kan! Aiyetoro kan!

15. Picture this: Las Giddy in Helmets! Since the start of the New Year the road safety group (FRSC) has mandated all Okada riders to start wearing helmets – driver and passenger(s) alike! You can’t just begin to imagine the types of helmets that have emerged. Suddenly, ‘hard hats’ for construction zones have become cyclist helmets! Prices have also rocketed! I understand it was about N750 until the compulsion which has now sent prices up to almost N5k. Never mind the different versions of the original in the market place too!

Now the gist of the story emerging is that some people have started disappearing on the wearing of the helmet given them by the Okada driver! Others have yet claimed that they ask the Okada man to give them the one he is wearing whilst he wears the one he’s offering his passenger(s) at the point of boarding.

My own is that people who have no other means of transportation right now should just try and invest in their own helmet. There is the worry of lice and transmission of other possible head ‘yamayama’; coupled with the possible use of and for ritual purposes. We are such an innovative society; the evil doers never lack any opportunity for exploitation! You also hear stories of people losing their ‘stars’ or so when they give beggars money! There are just so many horror stories out there but I choose to believe the report of the Lord. God help!

Oh Lord, have mercy and continue to protect us and guide us in Jesus name. AMEN!

16. Picture this: Some personal stats – I think I may have bought bread perhaps just twice or thrice last year; last time of cooking was in November 2008; only replenished my cooking gas once in the last 2 years; had four incidences of food poisoning in the last couple of weeks , imagine how many during the year; bought and cooked beef once in the last 2 years; same for meat and fish; only experienced I think just one episode of 24hour non-stop electricity supply; never worn jeans trousers in Las Giddy!

17. Picture this: Became a lecturer last Saturday to deliver a course for one of the privately run universities in conjunction with a training outfit. I hope and pray to make a difference! I’m truly grateful to God for the opportunity!

18. Picture this: Whilst I didn’t plan anything for this last Christmas gone because I had never really enjoyed Christmas over time, this one kind of turned out okay.

What I found quite fascinating about this particular Christmas was in the amount of gifts received – I don’t recount ever getting that much in my working history o, even personally – no kidding! Amongst the gifts were 2 litres of oil and a 50kg bag of rice; several jewellery sets; baskets of hampers; books, a leadership bible; a spa set; picture frame; household items such as a much needed fluorescent lantern and the most shocking of all – a washing machine! I even have a vendor on the hunt for shoes for my Christmas pressie!

Now on the washing machine, I was gripped with both shock and fear when I got home just this last Saturday to meet the delivery from one of the firm’s who had provided us with their services during the year. I didn’t know that gifts could come this magnanimous, and then I became afraid of what work might think, until I got to the office and was told that there was nothing really unusual about it! Then, I began to wonder how many people will have received such or even bigger gifts and how much they would have spent on the whole for the festive gifts! Oh then!

So, heya, how many of una get washing machine from ya people for Christmas pressie in jand or in yankie?

I tell you Las Giddy is certainly on a different wavelength!

19. And lastly! Picture this: Recall my ‘Las Giddian’s Indian Experience’ account some months back and how I mentioned that we stayed at the ‘Taj Mahal’ – one of Indian’s finest hotels. You won’t believe that this was the same hotel that was bombed by terrorists recently. What you can’t even begin to imagine was that we were supposed to have been back to India the week that bombing took place! This time around, the plan was that my two bosses will stay at the Taj whilst the rest of the crew will stay at a nearby less expensive hotel – fair enough! The only reason why we were not in India on or around the time of the chaos was because our host was yet to confirm availability and suitability of the proposed date!

God is truly, truly and truly ever faithful!

I say person no die for 9ja, na India person go go die! God forbid bad ting o!

For these and much more I am eternally grateful to God for seeing me through these last two years here through the depressing times; through the lonely times; through the penniless times; through the scary times; through the wide-eyed night seasons; through the wet-eyed seasons; through the awfully hard times; through the food poisoning episodes; through the dark times; through the painful times; through the sick times; through the haemorrhagic episode; through the hair loss season; through the panic attack episodes; through the finger-chopping episode; through these all and so much more God saw me through and is still seeing me through!

And for your ever presence, comfort and provision through these all – I thank you Lord!

And that’s it folks. Take care of your good selves and remember to live each day to the fullest; for life is a privilege!

Go and be blessed! Enjoy the best and rest of 2009.

Till the next time, always and always,

Moi (Still Keeping It Real)